THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO Walter Moryan and my story the best he can remember in his noggin At sixteen when I dropped out of high school I started sanding and refinishing hard wood floors. I worked for several companies for several close friends. From there I had every job under the sun that u could possibly think of. I needed money immediately so I started waiting tables. From there whatever contractor needed a hand restoring houses I had a day o pay. I even had a job setting up for parties etc... Food, games, tents whatever was needed to have a party. I couldn’t picture doing that for the rest of my life so I pursued heating, air conditioning. That job was not for me either the boss was a complete psycho that discouraged me from moving forward. So, on the road again, I was trying to find my nook in life. I started installing tile flooring because I thought since I had experience that was my calling. Soon after installing tiles 12 hours a day 6 days a week it was back braking work I soon realized that this to was not my calling. Throughout these jobs I always felt deep down that I was here for something more. So I kept digging and digging for my nook in all these jobs. In a nut shell I could build a house from the ground up. I even can do the land scraping around the house I built. For fun I loved to spin old vinyl records. I eventually with a lot of practice built up my skills. I would DJ parties for friends and family I really enjoyed spinning records and wanted to further my education while working during the day and getting my GED at night school . With a lot of hard work I finished night school. I then decided to take it a step further decided to enroll at Brookdale Community College in communications to follow my dreams in the music industry... While in college I saw an opportunity to intern at Jam box studios in Manhattan. I worked in the mornings and went to school and managed to do my internship. At my Uncle Marks house in Pennsylvania I was spinning break beats with trance mixed with Classic Rock. The old school with new school beats. Everyone and their mother was up dancing their asses off. Smiles and Beats, my type of galaxy I want to chill in 24/ 7. My Two cousins Stephanie and Stacie were going to North Carolina and asked if I wanted to go, move to North Carolina with them and Chicken Butt my nephew? Just start over in a new place? Yes, I shouted excitedly while throwing on Motown. A few hours later, suddenly I had packed my clothes and DJ Equipment into my sister’s hand me down Hyundai Accent. Trust me; it was just me and only me. Trust me it was a long jammed, tough trip. They knew the area, knew the hotspots, and just knew where to go, who to chill with at what day and time. The only question was Do you want to be around Marines or not? I was a Civilian living surrounded by Marines. Needless to say, "God Bless the USA" I felt safe and both of my cousins dated Marines so, you can say that I have really chilled and I was blessed to be able to be in the company of Those Strong Souls. We lived a few minutes from Camp Lejune military base, and work for me was tough. I did whatever I could while living there, Luckily, I Was Blessed. Both Stephanie and Stacy took complete care of me. I was older, but my two female younger cousins took care of me on a daily basis. At then in my life, NOW, I was a Toll Collector for a short while until I realized that it was way too boring for me. All day, I did the same exact thing for over 8 hours a day. That same constant repetition was making me LOCO. So, I found the hot spot in town called Logins Steakhouse. You can drink a Roadhouse ice tea, watch your steak being cooked right in front of your face, eat peanuts and throw your shells on the ground. NO WORRIES, it was cool and you were expected. It was that kind of chill place. I was a bareback, host, server, dishwasher, pretty much, whatever I could do to get a days’ pay, and I was there with bells on. Well, I don't know about with bells on, but I was there early ready to put on my galoshes and walk through the Shit. S h h + be quite, that’s not nice First, I would get cool with the Boss. He was the guy paying me, so sure enough; I wanted to know him outside of work MENTALLY. I would make small talk, and to this day, I give you permission to call anyone of them and ask honestly, what type of person was Walter? I think maybe I would say maybe 80 % would speak well about our relationship. After a while, I got bored and had to leave. I had an invite to go to Florida and start work fixing Orange Juice Plants for The A Team for the coolest guy in the world B.C. My job as an apprentice was, I welded, fabricated, and grinded my butt off. It was cool and so very different, but I needed to be out and about actually having interaction with other humans that can actually speak back. NOT the metal that I made my friend while talking shit and at the end I won and made it go away, and it was smooth to the touch. I always made work really same like a game I started, and at the end I imagined it as MY HOUSE. Would I BE ABLE TO LIVE with the job I just did seeing it every day in my own personal house? There were a few times when rushing, tired, or hung over that I had to go back and fix the shitty job I just did. After I was bored, I had to bounce to Pennsylvania and work with my Uncle Mark installing Natural Gas line under the ground we walk on working with Henkel’s & McCoy. I was there for TWO weeks bouncing from my house in Jackson to Martins Creek Pennsylvania to work. It was Thanksgiving 2004, AND I THOUGHT it would be O.K. to go home with my mother and sisters and have Thanksgiving Dinner. I was able to relax for a few days and I was Chilin expecting to have a pretty goodtime. Since I was a child and could remember I was always moving from city to city, home to home, with unknown surroundings as well as unknown individuals. Different states, different schools, every year I was the new kid in school. I was always getting in trouble in school (suspension, in school and out of school suspension, detention, among many other humorous problems daily). I was always feeling that I wasn't excepted so I had to act out and be the center of attention. This happened in several schools in several states until my mother signed me out of high school at 16 in Old Bridge New Jersey. So, I worked fulltime because I thought I didn't need school because it was dumb and I was smart. I have had every job under the sun from installing sanding hardwood floors for many friends of my now family, to SHOVELING SHIT, any job you can think of; I can just about tell you that I have done it. I would work 60 plus hours a week plus go to adult night school to get my high school diploma and I thought I was going about life the correct adult way. I called my sisters father dad until, at 18 I found out that he wasn't my biological father. MY real father Walt stayed away because when he tried coming around his life was threatened with violence and he wasn't able at all to see his son NO DISRESPECT—NOTHING would EVER keep me away from my child—NOTHING EVER IN THIS LIFETIME!. My mother didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Now I am considered somewhat of a man AT 18, the guy I have been calling dad for years wasn't my father, I found out at 18 that I was being lied to and talk about being lost and confused. I bounced around AS an independent adult living with whoever wherever doing anything for work, and living with anyone that had room for me. I would do chores, pay rent and I thought I was doing good being a good boy who was turning himself into a man doing manly things. I THOUGHT. I did this from New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Florida, and then, I was back in Jersey chilling at my mothers’ living in Jackson, New Jersey. On November 27, 2004 after drinking with others someone had to go to the store. I said “lets walk, there are two stores right around the corner." ROBERT BARRY said" I'm sober, I can drive." I THOUGHT with me in the passenger seat with my seatbelt on, I THOUGHT I was safe." I am not driving, my seatbelts on and ROBERT BARRY said he’s sober and o.k. to drive, so WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME? We wound up a mile and a half down the street in the opposite direction and I was a restrained passenger with a seatbelt versus poles. THE JAWS OF LIFE were needed to get only me out. What happened to the driver you ask? ROBERT BARRY walked away without a scratch or a seatbelt. After I was free, I slipped into a COMA for 8 days. When I awoke, I needed to have brain surgery and the list continues. After I was home, I had to go to the Emergency Room with breathing complications. They gave me a pump and told me I now have Asthma. THANK GOD I met Dr. Sean Houston who while sticking a wire with a camera on it up my nose almost passed out. I asked" what’s wrong?" He told me that I needed Emergency surgery because I had a broken closing esophagus. I asked “what do you mean?" He told me a normal esophagus is about the size of a banana, and I was breathing out of a broken, crushed drinking straw and within 2 days the latest I needed Emergency surgery. He told me the best otolaryngologist around were in the New York area or further north. Being a NEW YORK YANKEES fan, I chose the city area. While recovering from this, my nurse Tara broke it down to me. She asked what my favorite color was. I told her YANKEE blue. She went and got me a bible. AT first I was weary because I didn't believe in GOD. You had to dress a certain way, wear certain clothes, give money, and I thought if you didn’t believe in GOD that you would be punished. I asked her if she could write on the inside because I wasn't going to be able to remember what was going on and what she was saying. This is what she wrote in my bible 3/12/05 To Walter, God has awesome plans for you! Seek him with all your heart and you will be with you. He will prosper you and he will honor you. You may not understand all of this now, but God will do great things in your life. God Bless You Tara . . .again I asked if she could please write more, and on the next page she wrote Hi Walter it was great to be able to take care of you + be your nurse March 12, 2005 is the start of a new day for you. Keep the Lord close in your heart for you are close to his. Not everyone gets a second chance. Remember how you feel him in your heart *know he is with you now and every day. I will pray for you often. May God bless you + fill you with all the wonder he has for you and more. Love Blessings, Tara H… Now once I was blind, and now I can see. Jesus kept me here to speak to thee. Listen if you want my story its real, I got the shitty end of the deal. I realize how God has made all the things I thought were impossible all now be so very obtainable. Listen to how my life was and all the daily tests I had to pass to survive Nov 27th-dec 15 2004 Jersey Shore-Neptune New Jersey CCU Multiple Drs Initially Dec 15-Feb 9 2005 JFK Edison New Jersey Brain trauma unit brain surgery Thomas Jefferson Hospital Philadelphia Pennsylvania March 2006 neck surgery HealthSouth Rehab Jackson New Jersey physical, occupational, speech therapies Little by little we will make this work. Third week in February and I lost my journal somewhere in all my shit for our move to an unknown place. My shit is not going to the asshole Joe Fishs’ anymore because there just so happens to be a mutual dispute. No I have no idea where I or all my shit is going to go. This sucks royally because besides my stupid shit, I have Grandpa’s botchy ball set among many other priceless items that I know the piece of shit will somehow get into a ruin. He’s like a little kid, and he is always on a mission to fuck somebody up or somehow inflicts pain onto some innocent soul who tries walking away. Don’t know where my shit, my life, my future are all going to be tomorrow. Lord, I ask of you for assistance in this severe time of need. Lord, please help me. I give one hundred and ten percent everyday since you spared my life. Thank You Lord. I am a new man now. Jesus since you have spared my life, I now see and appreciate life so differently now. I see sunshine and bright lights in my future when its time. “Is it better “someone may ask, and I can defiantly say yes? The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, which also means the water bill is higher. Is that a good thing or a bad? I am a new and improved better man now I know how a higher level of appreciation. The reason why is because now I have the ability to wake up all alone with no assistance and take baby steps trying to get through this struggle called life. I now have to call it quits, stop writing and rest my aching body. I tried and I just got some news and tomorrow is already messed up and after I am fortunate enough to open my eyes, I am then taking life daily as you Lord put it right in front of my face. Thank you and goodnight Lord. February 25, 2005 and at therapy I was fortunate enough to be able to take notes home to study #1 Alternating attention task (for days, holidays and try to keep at it for one month straight while keeping on track with diary and notes #2 Reading Comprehension #3 Scanning Cancellation activities shifting sets (symbols) #4 Reviewed strategies (self monitoring) #5 fill in all appointments for upcoming March calendar March 1, 2005 abs now they tell me to take puffs of this pump so I can breathe. Why do they believe this will be the answer? I live with this and trust me, there’s more to it MARCH 4 2005 Pain (very sharp when there) left clavicle and sharp pain in my head in my temple area real bad suddenly acne on my face. Constant pain in my neck and they say you are o.k. Pain now is in the top back of teeth both sides. Now the 6th and off to a good start even with a really rough feeling inside of my neck. I have been cleaning my T-tube often like the Drs. told me to keep it very clean. It’s weird to breath I have to unplug and to talk; I have to plug it up. My Drs. love the fact that I am proving the hospital and their books to be wrong with my amazing recovery. March 11 and I was now prescribed another type of pill that they believe will help me. I tell them how I am not trying to escape the pain; my goal’s to relieve the pain from my mind and soul forever because my pain is holding me back from telling my story to prevent this from ever happening again. 15 minutes before my mother’s 2005. I am very happy to be back here @ Jefferson hospital in Philly. People are here for the reason and not the season. People actually give a shit here. NICE CHANGE. My life is in the DRS, hands on Tuesday. Whatever he thinks is good at that time is what I'm going to have to live with. GOD and angels please be on my side 4 recoveries and his side 4 operation. Crazy how every day varies like summer and winter. Light above my bed/ head won’t go out. For hours, I've asked everyone and pushed every button and nobody knows how, so you know what, Walters' beat. They are going to have to call maintenance @ 20 to 12 so I can get rest if they will come I have no idea. Now my only option is to take a sleeping pill to get some rest. How else would I possible be able 2 sleeps with this bright light blaring in my face? So be it. IT is what it is. THANKFUL to be alive but after 7 months now on mother’s day I am wondering when life will go straight and normal again for me. It’s mother’s day and I can't call out but my mother knows she’s in my thoughts. I love her to the max and the lady needs a good man and I hope a lot better health. I'm going to try to learn all about Fibromyalgia to see if I can think or create a help or a cure or something for the daily pain that is a non narcotic natural remedy. Maybe an herb or a vegetable that God put on this earth for our health. NIGHT OF MY SURGEORY very much in pain but for me, my maintenance and cleaning around my surgery since it is very important. These people at this hospital make the shittiest feeling, situation feel great. They're all great inside and out. Well, nay all, but I would defiantly have to say the ones that are taken care of me at this time. Thank you to them, God and my angels of course. Walt and my grandfather told me "hold on Buddy, it's not your time”, so I listened, and here I am. My thoughts are with you, grandpa, you have always been my rock, and you buddy are the man who developed me into the man I am today. SO, THANK YOU BUDDY. I am Lucky to be alive and lucky to be here. The DRS are all getting paid, but yet, I am richer than they are TRUTHFULLY Sex drugs and rock and roll is 2nd best in my life. The ability to be here is the cream of the crop. Could be Chilin and hanging with my family up above, but I'm fortunate enough to still be alive with my great family members down here. I have learned to live life as it’s thrown at you. Minute to minute, baby step by baby step, but, I am doing it by the grace of God, which is very fine and really great by me. NOW, I never get my hopes up because when you do, you will get disappointed. Just found out that George Washington was the 1st president to attend ceremony for troops who fought in war in the past On my application to go to rehab at HEALTHSOUTH, I put down the meds I was now taking were: Cymbalta two 20m.g. pills daily Protonix two 40m.g. pills daily One multivitamin 1:20 am on a Friday I believe. As I was walking to take out the recyclables, I heard loud zaps of electricity shooting all inside the box frantically. It really doesn’t sound safe and I am scared. I am always aware and expecting the unexpected. I don’t mean to, it just is in my recovering head. Brook wrote me this poem because words prove that she loves me RIGHT? So she thinks To my brother, Hi! I wrote you a corny little poem just because I want to tell you how proud I am of you. You are so unbelievably strong & I am honored to be your sister. Just remember I am always here if you need anything Not a day goes by when I don’t think of you & how amazing you are- You are making it through this in a way most people could not & I am so very proud of you! I am not going to pretend that I know what you are going through because I don’t. But I do know it must be hard as hell & I want you to know I am here- But you are getting through this & I know happiness is just around the corner! I love you! XOXO Love Brooklyn Now a few days after and I have no idea and I really don’t care. I keep getting miss directed and lied to and I would love to know why everyone is involved but my love, Lauren (my Caucasian sister) Nancy and Brook keep telling me that I cannot check the mail because I am always losing it. HOW I TRY TO FIGURE? Mail for my mother, I put on her desk in her room and Laurens also goes to her or my mother. So I’m wondering are they implying that I lose my mail when that shit goes right in my files so I can remember and so I don’t lose anything. They keep insisting that I should have all my mail sent to my step father Dave’s’ house. I don’t ever want to be around that guy because he will always judge you while degrading you making you feel like a worthless piece of shit. It’s just like he has been making me feel and treating me during my recovery as well as since I have know his negative, uni brow ass. How and why can I trust him? Especially after he was too busy when I was homeless? Right now it’s 11:30 and music is getting me through these tough times again. F that. Though, I can and will make it happen. I BELIEVE this is all happening for a reason and I am going to understand why, all in Gods’ timing. “Baby steps Walter, just crawl before you can walk Buddy.” I know that is what my best friend Grandpa is saying to me with a smile while making his stuffies.(his famous stuffed cabbage that will leave you desperately craving for more.) Note 2 self, my nasal drainage is constantly draining and clogging always with a cluster of garbage that hangs out in my nose and throat and I am scared that it doesn’t get stuck in my throat and totally close up my breathing passage. But yet, I’m strong enough to rid myself of these unfortunate circumstances from the horrible accident that I survived. How you ask? The power of prayer saved my soul. I am blessed to be able to now function and I love that fact that I am alive to write about my troubles and abnormalities. THANKS TO OUR FATHER, CREATOR UP ABOVE. How I wondering am I considered being a lazy man? TO ME, it’s funny how the world says to me to get off your ass lazy bitch and go out a get a job bagging groceries or pushing carts. If they only knew that I want to go to work so badly, inside my head nobody is winning at ping pong. I am using my hands to drink tap water from the faucet. My life isn’t that bad at all. Beginning of April and today is off to a good start. I just had the best banana split ever with my sister Lauren. At this point in my life, I wouldn’t want anything to be different. Walter and Cathy are great people. Cathy is now my nurse and Walter is a guy who delivered my machine with the Oxygen I need to inhale to stay Alive. Both of them are down to earth people and they both have made me feel so comfortable. The chance of all names, his name was Walter and he was sent to save my life. To me that was a sign. Information is out there. Just open your eyes and have Faith while reaching up to the air and grabbing the information that is out there. I wish them both the best of health and happiness in life. Both of them and their families only deserve the best in life. Everything outside seems heavy and steady and now to be flooded and there is more new rain to come, Today is a good day I have my family, Cathy and my life. I really can’t ask for anything more. Life itself is grand to me this time around. HEY, I AM ALIVE SO NO WORRIES WALTER. #1 I am trying to get out of neutral and I called a lawyer and told her my story. She said to me “Sir, I am sorry. You have too many problems and I can’t help you. You have nothing and you have no malpractice case.” #2 and I got a check in the mail for somebody with my name WALTER MORYAN on it #3 Kim grew up enough courage and she left the job she has been at for the last three years Brook who is normal IN HER GALAXY, somewhat normal, is trying to find an apartment and even with my Traumatic Brain Injury, I have been trying to figure out how it’s tough to get a place when she’s got nothing holding her back from finding a place? I was doing it all alone since I was sixteen years old, well, before my accident. When she goes to see them, they are all look like shit. I hope she finds a nice one. She and Bobby only deserve the best. Even though her insurance company is playing innocent and dumb with my case, my goal is to get the Drs. the money owed for saving my life. How could anyone beat those great souls after they saved my dying ass from calling it quits? I wonder? I BELIEVE God, Angels, and Grandpa are all in my corner and on my side. Thank you. I now know that you are in my heart, body and soul. Now, with this ability I have truly, I really can’t ask for anything else. Happiness and love are what it all comes down to. I am fishing here and one day, I will get a bite with a keeper. Hook Line and Sinker to Florida we will be headed. I just got an amazing card and a Hugh Mr. Goodbar from Brooks’ close friend for years Casey. WOW. Now they threw poor Casey into the mix? I wonder why Brook would do that considering Casey is so sweet and so innocent. Brook calls her a best friend but to me it seems like Brook considers her a worst enemy bringing her into the ring of negative energy. Today’s a great day for me. I relaxed with my family and with that said, I couldn’t ask for a better day, ever. Nice finish to a great day. I am all cleaned up, full and satisfied with my family, even though I believe things are happening behind my back that want to help Robert Barry Jr.and hurt Walter. Still, I wonder why the individuals that are actually blood related citizens that I call “Family,” why they are saying “fend for yourself, look at you, you are fine. Stop bitching Walter.” Amy D, the girl I was with in Florida at the time of my accident said she was going to call me back in fifteen minutes, but that never happened. It’s all good and I’m not sweating the small shit. I am sure that something came up and somebody came up inside of her. Why did I even want to bother? This girl had two kids by two different dads that weren’t around and they both called me dad. I asked her to “Please let them know I am not their dad”. She said to me “Walter, I can’t! You treat them so good and they love you so much, it would hurt them.” I said to her “Amy, you are hurting them more by lying to them now because I Amy, I Know firsthand because for eighteen years I was calling some guy dad and there was no blood or any type of connection at all that makes him my dad, and Amy, I am scared badly.” A NEW DAY and I left a note for my mother Nancy and my sister Lauren to PLEASE clean your mess ladies because my social worker Adrianne’s coming to help me try to get out of neutral. Say a prayer for me, Por Favor Lord. Please. By Walter Moryan The day after I removed my own tracheotomy, Dr. Spielberg said that everything’s looking great. Since ripping out my own tracheotomy personally, I now feel healthier and I am the happiest I have felt in a long time without that machine in my neck. It’s good to be out of the hospital and be home. Life is well worth living. I wish everyone the best of happiness and love to all. I hope for comfort for me and to the world. A few hours until my 28th birthday and this one all alone seems and shitty, but I have my family which is all I need. I have no girl, no job, or no money, but the fact that I am actually alive, is there really anything to bitch about? Thanks again to my Angels up above. 12:25 p.m. and it’s the night before my 2nd surgery. I am praying that all goes well. I am glad that God, Angels and my family were all with me these past seven months since it’s been a crazy, confusing life in and out of every hospital in many surrounding states. PLEASE HELP ME to figure out what they are all up to behind my disabled ass, I BEG OF YOU LORD Just got a birthday card from ROBERT BARRY JR, the driver He’s the third letter. I’m confused: TO A SPECIAL Brother-In-Law ON YOUR BIRTHDAY DEAR WALTER, I Hope you have A great Birthday. This past few months have been crazy but I know that you are Strong enough to pull through everything Happy Birthday WALT. Love you From, BOBBY Printed on the card it reads: This special greeting is coming to let you know how much we enjoy having you in our lives. Our family is a lot more fun because you’re part of it, and out memories are a lot more precious because of all the happy times we’ve shared with you. You’re a very special Brother-In–Law, it’s no wonder we love you like we do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sounds like they both wrote two cards to me from the base of one. WOW? 2nd week of May. And I am Thankful to be Alive. I am on my way to another different Dr. and physical therapy. Hope all goes well and I hope my life and health are good from here on in. Grandpa is with me and it’s a great feeling to be home not still in the hospital. In a new remolded room. I have this crazy combustion in my throat, but it feels good. Mind over matter I believe everybody makes mistakes because the 1st hospital missed my broken closing esophagus 4 times. NO HARM NO FOUL.2:26a.m. Early morning of the day I'm going back to see Dr. Spiegel and he’s going to check out my tracheotomy and see how long until my T-tube is ready to be removed from my throat. I feel so very comfortable with him as my surgeon and by me now going to live in Philly. A prayer in my head, and hopefully I'm (my neck) is healthy. Scars I can live with, hopefully all is well and on Friday dinner with my family. Brook was here and can't ask for more in a night. Good dinner, good family, good dessert. Good to be alive. I AM SPOILED! While confused and searching Brook drops off this poem to me showing her deep love for me. This to her I take it is an answer : to my one & only; I always knew I was lucky to have you as my brother & friend you were always true You & I have always been so close some would say were luckier than most Because we were able to find our best friends in each other exceeding the simple definition of sister & brother We would laugh, cry have the best of times We would run to be by each other’s side at the drop of a dime Now as time goes by I look at you in a different light You are outstanding; astonishing Simply just a remarkable sight You beat all the odds & managed to come out on top All those that doubted you now know you will not stop I WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE FOR YOU IF THINGS GOT WORSE But I know that I won’t have to because that is no longer your course Things can only get better from here on out And I can say this without an ounce of doubt Because you are a miracle A true angel from up above & I feel blessed& honored just to have some of your love I love you more than words can say Cause you’re my Ollie burger who amazes me every day So let’s look to the future where happiness is all I see But I must be honest; life could not get any better because you are here with me- -I love you angel- Thursday June 9, 2005 I am listening to beats getting ready for my sister Laurens’ banquet for the amazing grades she has received. I told her “Lauren, you kick ass and job well done by my most beautiful sister of all five. And Lauren you only deserve the best. Strive for excellence. Growing up she had many names such as Lulu, Belle, Crazy, Trazy, Backsteet boys, Monster face. She is turning from a child into a beautiful, driven, goal oriented young woman. She is a family member, friend and just a great, chill person. She’s true and down to earth When I feel loved, a stork dropped off another letter and this one is from the woman I have been calling mother my love -hi WALTER- Saw you in the car w/ Millie . . . Welcome Home!! I had to work a bit late today (that’s why I wasn’t here @3:30) I had to go to Middlesex co- few things to do @ brooks for wedding, plus doo-doo(Lauren) is up there-have to pick her up. If you need to reach me either call Brooks or Laurens’ cell: if I’m not there yet, leave a message-I’ll call u back! Love u MOMMY P.S. PLEEEEAAASE do not shut Ans. Mach OFF THANK YOU (If someone is calling that you don’t want to talk to-just don’t ANSWER or listen to MESSAGE) Thanks AGAIN Sweetie. MISSED YOUR HANDSOME FACE If you don’t want to that’s ok to I don’t want nothing to come in between me and you I just figured I would ask. . . 3:18p.m Why should anyone want to be negative or even bitch about minor problems? I am hurting for certain and I try to keep to myself because I realize how I am alive. Thank you to my Lord and my angels. And of course I am chilling with soothing beats. It’s a trip how music keeps on playing in my head all night long. For me, music is the answer and so very essential. Now I am all alone and Just a gigolo by David Lee is on inside of my head. Saying to myself “nobody cares about me.” Then as I am shutting everything down, I am thinking why do I have to chill? Why can’t I just put my hands up in the air and dance to the beat? So the funky beats come on and I start to be the music. September 27, 2005 Four pounds 12 ounces today is a great day my sister Jesica just popped out another little miracle hopefully she can take care of this one with all the drugs in the newborns body. Ester Egghead (Jesica) is cool as shit. She is real but she Really likes the wild side. Talked to my friend Tanya in North Carolina and her newborn Gavin is doing fine, I’m so very capable of doing several things at one time Beats on of course, loading unloading the dishwasher. Physically I will be better over time, but mentally a heck of a lot stronger, I think... Now I'm more cautious, more aware and very, very, very focused on everything to the max. Down to the cunt hair. Since now I am injured, the chances of me getting hurt again are very good. My perception and my balance aren’t really very good every second of every minute of everyday. If I ever do get another injury (trust me I’m doing everything everyday to prevent that) I COULD NEVER imagine on getting hurt, YA RIGHT…ha ha The great man up above spared me and it wasn't my time to be up above. Not yet. As Walt and my grandfather told me, (who were both dead for Three years at the time) with their thumbs up told me firmly “Hang on BUDDY, It's not your time.” My mother said sometime later. It might have been months, weeks, days, and/or hours, whatever. My Mom said that when I awoke from my 8 day coma I was looking around through her very confused. She said “Walt what is the matter?” I said “Mom, where’s Walt and Grandpa? Where did they go?” She said “Walt, I’m sorry sweetie, they both passed away about Three years ago. I said “Mom I was just talking to them they told me to “Hang on Buddy it’s not your time.” Then I saw a look in her face. Now, she was tearing. My Angels, family came down to assure me that is was not my time. Before my accident I had no Faith, I believe there was a good, evil, GOD devil, up, down, and all that chipper yes/no bullshit. Odd, even, black, white, blue, pink, left and right but I do believe the power of prayer and love saved my life. I have never have gone to church every Sunday at 12 for service and now I realize laying down in bed talking to GOD in your head he can really hear You and answer prayers . Look at where I was and how GOD has answered my prayers. Regardless of what people say with God all things are possible. A note from my mother for Lauren and myself to obey: Walter please stop disconnecting and turning off the machine. Thank u. Hey guys- someone is coming to see the house around 2:00. I am sorry it’s such a mess, but it’s been a hectic week with Anna, the lady that I am now taking care of has been very sick. Please work together and help clean up. I really appreciate it. See you both after work. Love you Mommy I will help when I get home from work September 2005 and I am having a really great day so far. I just added an item to my NEW YORK YANKEES wall. When I get a place of my own, I will have a NEW YORK YANKEES room. This I say, and I shall have whatever I say. The rest of the development will be a different color and Kim and I will live in the blue section facing the water. Now I am done writing because I want to finish this ending to this great day. I believe this is the first day of October and with this injury I feel like an eleven foot guy in a ten foot box. At least I am alive to live with the daily pain. October 3rd 2005 and I have court tomorrow in Old Bridge for a bad check I accidently wrote when I was growing up trying to be a big boy. I called the Police on that asshole Joe Fish for threatening my mother as well as being in my face ready to throw down and when the Police arrived they told me to put my hands around my back. I said ya right. Then firmly he said “really you are under arrest for writing a bad check.” We came to an agreement and I left a down payment and also sent away fifty dollars. I am confused on how I have to go to court three more times and every time I go, I am getting charged thirty dollars. If we already settled and came to an agreement, I am wondering why after a down payment and my first payment, why I still have to show up in court? But then I realize. POLITICS Cash turns everything around me green, get the money. October 4th and I missed court this morning at nine in Old Bridge. Fucking sucks. Now, somehow another curve ball has been thrown at me. All this came at me why I am on the way to a new therapist. Off I go and we will see what she says. My beautiful niece Krystal Sky came home from the hospital today. She is not here with her mother, (Jesica my sister) but she is here with her loving Grandmother October 28, 2005 and I got a letter from the state saying how they have been notified by the Social Security Administration that my application for Supplemental Security Income (SSI) payments have been disapproved. Since my application served as an application for Medicaid as well as for SSI, I am also ineligible through the SSI program. With this Hugh pile of NO and NO and NO, I KNOW it will be all good in Gods timing. As he already has this written in the book, so be it.. I just keep wondering why all this horrible, negative shit keeps happening to me? If I need to prove to whomever that I can do it and pass these tough tests, then so be it. I got this. I conquered death and now I am alive full of vinegar and ready to roll with the punches to find out what is real. (David Lee again) End of October and I came up with a diet for fat kids. Hand them a shovel and tell them that there is a basket of candy and the Easter bunny told me that he buried the basket somewhere in the backyard. So, have fun and take a glass of water. NOVEMBER 10th 2005 and I just got another one of my hospital bills in the mail for the amount of $9,239.00 and I wish I had a penny to mail those amazing souls that saved my life. NOVEMBER 14th 2005 and it is now four thirty four at night. It’s a good day, I guess. I’m alive. (Thank You Lord) I am so very well capable of doing so many things. “You will be larger than life.” As my good friend, girlfriend, cousin (ha-ha joking) Kim keeps telling me that when I tell her about my visions. She makes me smile and feel as if I have no worries. We joke and say she is from Green bow Alabama and I had to slam her in Alabamer. While doing so, she got lucky in Kentucky. It hasn’t even been a month with this one but there is most defiantly chemistry in the air when I am fortunate enough to be in her presence. When she smiles, her axons flow into my heart and soul and make me feel at peace. There is something about this girl. I feel that I am hooked like drugs and I just need to take her far, far away and together we can start building sand castles in the sky while making our dreams come true. Mark my words; I shall have whatever I say. On a serious reality tip here on Earth, I really enjoy her company. She is twenty five, driven, motivated, and a family girl. I believe that she and I truly need each other to get through life happy with no negativity and bounce out of New Jersey. We both want to have the better things in life. It’s cool because she is so down to earth. I feel as if we have somehow met before because she and I are so connected. She broke it down to me and said now at this time, we are both at the bottom working our way up together. It feels really great to be able to have somebody there that actually takes time and wants to understand me. Its mad cool how I can help her study for microbiology. Sometimes I can’t even pronounce the word while I am quizzing her. While asking for the definition of the word I am trying to pronounce. She will smile and tell me how to say it correctly while giving me the definition for the word. She just seems to know her shit. She helps me in so many ways, mentally and physically. We study, take walks, and she and I are always on the go usually lending a hand to a member of our family, or a close friend who calls in a time of need. She and I are both hard ass workers and when we have something to take care of; you better stand back and not hold either one of us responsible for the damage of items or persons injured on our way to work. Kim says to me repeatedly how I am going to be larger than life and that is a Hugh confidence builder when at this time I needed it most. I thought that my family would understand and be there because I had the same blood as them, I THOUGHT. I have to hang on to this one. She has the soul of an angel. God and my angels did spare me for a reason and I believe it was to use my accident as a lesson and a stepping stone for others. I realize how I am a guy who has beaten all the odds and I have defeated death. Death was most defiantly knocking at my door but there was no way I was answering. “Sorry, I am a better man and there is no way I can ever give up on this new life that I am going to conquer and live.” That thought of opening that door, it never even crossed my mind for even a hot minute and it was not even a consideration. No dice and no way. Everything does happen for a reason I now realize. I had no appreciation for life and I truly believe I got what I gave to others. Wow. In that case I must have been a pretty big piece of shit. If it’s good, bad, ugly, or sad you have to roll with the punches as Van Halen said. You have to learn from your mistake and truly think what you did that was wrong that made you fail. Take a second to regroup, and now with your newfound knowledge, go and conquer that obstacle. I will guarantee that you will do better than before. Try it next time. You will then have a bigger, better outlook from there on out when anything is thrown at you. Just simply live your life to the fullest daily and remember to never, ever say never. Remember, the answer is always no unless you try. If and when you fail, go balls to the wall and get that shit done. Like a snap of a finger or a blink of an eye, your life can flip upside down and shit could get real sour. Ten percent is what just happened and ninety percent is how you are going to act and deal with the problem. Boom. There it is; Mind over Matter NOVEMBER 18th and another bill came and I owe one thousand eight hundred and seventy six dollars Why do I have to beg and borrow to get the people the money owed who saved my life ? NOVEMBER 27, 2005 and this day will be forever in my mind like glue. Today is 1 year to the day that I lost a lot, But I also kept and gained a lot. IT’S CALLED LIFE! With that statement, I have NO worries. I see my mother stretching and leaning awkwardly and the phone rang. So she didn’t even have to think about getting it, I picked it up and slide it to her down the counter towards her. She looked at it, hung it up and yelled at me I am thinking “don’t do what?” Should I have been an asshole and handed her the phone and when she fell, it still would have been my fault. I now say ALL the time that I am not physic or psycho, but I really do see things before they happen, that what I am always trying to prevent: An Accident. Jesus and Kimberly Meyers, my dental assistant are really the only two individuals that I can speak my heart and soul to without being judged or criticized and she makes me feel so totally understood, plus it helps that she’s the prettiest woman I have met in my entire life. With all this going on, I am still dwelling on the negative. That to me is the Devil saying “Gotcha!” I really want to start making my 2nd chance at life as Positive as I possibly could and will soon as I just tell the Devil to stay away. I really love the fact that when I speak to people, I am True and I do totally understand because I have experienced what they are going through and with no disrespect, I might have to say maybe a little bit worse. I tell them “no worries, I’ve lived in your shoes.” And there is and there should be no beef because I am a vegetarian. (I like the way the comes out and the way it could be heard) I would assure them while they were crying and bugging out to listen to me. I speak from the heart and I didn’t study or read it in a book, I lived it. I am where I am because from my negative experience, I only saw light and the Positive side of any situation. After speaking straight up to them, they would smile and thank me. I would tell them how I never dwell on the negative because I can’t, couldn’t and wouldn’t because it’s not in my mind or in my abilities to sit around and be mad or upset. From here on out life is going to be a daily struggle, which is cool with me because it could have always been worse. At least I am alive and able to struggle with these minor problems. Not million miles up above wishing I was here on earth to go through these circumstances. Instead, I am now walking, talking and able to eat all by myself. Now, whenever I attempt anything, even if I fail I think, Walter, mission failed. What did you learn and what can you go back and do to correct your mistake so you can now conquer what you failed? Never do I work myself hard through pain, NEVER. If I do feel pain, something clicks inside my head telling me to stop and chill. Honestly, I never want to be back in the situation that I was in back in the day. The pain and hardships I am going to have to deal with for life needs to be a lesson learned. To my worst enemy, I would never wish my problems upon them and shouldn’t eggnog be served at Easter time rather than Christmas? January 8th 2006 I WILL PASS THIS DAILY TEST CALLED LIVING. I was talking to JoJo a great soul from our United States Navy who is a friend of the family for a long ass time. He’s a cool cat and him and I will sit, have a cocktail and really have some deep talks. He has a rooster in a noose that hangs below his knee. He will walk up to anyone and say “Hey, I bet you that I have a cock that hangs below my knee.” Plus this little guy also had a Tat on the back of his head that said “Made in the USA” I Thank You Sir for your Services. Talking to him I realized how life comes at you fast, so be ready. I am and Lord I thank you. February 13, 2006 another bill for Steno sis of Larynx, Compressor Air Power and suction pump portable home. I have no idea, but I feel like a piece of shit. I want all of everyone that was a hand in my recovery to get every penny that is owed. I am not in a good state of mind. I wish I had a penny to give, but I don’t. And just when you thought I was done, Boom. Another bill and I only owe one thousand one hundred and twelve dollars for this one. I will do my best to get this place all the money that I owe them for saving my life. There is no doubt in my mind that I will see to it that they get paid in full. Wait, there’s more. Again I just opened another bill dated from December fifteenth of two thousand and four all the way to August twenty eighth of two thousand and five. This one I owe a measly four thousand eight hundred and seventy eight dollars. February 16, 2006 and I received a bill from HealthSouth saying after the insurance did a little bit, I was now responsible for the balance to start my very much needed therapies in the sum of one thousand eight hundred forty dollars and five cents. Looks like I am not going to be able to get the appropriate help that I am in need of because cash flow makes everyone turn their back to me in my time of need. I am willing to go down and volunteer my services to any unit that is in need of assistance in order to compensate for some of the money that I owe to the hospital for saving my soul and giving me a new chance at a new life. February 28th 2006 and today is the last day of February and I hopefully am getting my check and getting paid at 12 at night.WOW, THIS REALLY SUCKS. Kim and I just found out something that will test are love describing if she’s the one or if I am the one for her. God we leave it in your hands. March 7th and I was fortunate enough to be able to get all the information that was needed to Dr. McCagg and the guy who was in charge of my assistance. I believe it is going good so far. I was told to remember that when I am denied, I must apply again within thirty days. Everything now seems as if it’s going very slowly, but it seems to all be going in the right direction to eventually all fall into place. Ever since October thirteenth of last year when I was told to go downstairs and kick the two ladies out of the house where we were both chilling and throwing down. So I went downstairs and knocked on the bathroom door to find out that Kim Meyers had my niece Skylar up on the bathroom sink flushing a spider down the drain. The second they were done, I introduced myself and asked her name. After she said Kim, I told her how her how she and her sister had to bounce because Jerry and Diane who didn’t like Sherry because she dated Jerry’s son Tony who was a little prick that had no understanding of common sense. He was from Pennsylvania and I truly believe that he thought when he came to New Jersey that he would somehow, hopefully now be wanted and finally maybe he could feel accepted. When she was leaving I felt like my best friend was leaving. I felt weird as shit because we hardly knew each other and we hardly even met. Our Grandfathers James and Manuel both our Veterans that went above and beyond for the best country in the world which just so happens to be called . . . THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. March 17th and working my brain playing games, I turn to a page in my crossword magazine to a page which reads “Take Charge of Your Future and train at home for an exciting new career. So I checked these boxes for them to send me information because I was interested in becoming *Fitness and Nutrition consultant *Health Information Technician *Occupational Therapy Aide *Pharmacy Technician *Physical Therapy Aide *Visual Basic NET Programmer *Visual C# NET Programmer After several days passed now and I keep looking at this I now realize there’s no need to send this away because I am not interested in any of these as my profession for life. I do realize how I have no control over my mind at this moment and I am praying that one day all that I have been dreaming and praying for will be in my hands, plus an overabundance. So very lost and scared am I right now. PLEASE let it all get better. AMEN I speak from the heart and I want to break it down to people and let them know by looking and listening to me how it can happen to anyone at anytime. My goal is simply to help people. I was a helped soul and now it’s my time to prevent what happened to me from ever, ever happening again. God I leave it in your hands and Thank You for this opportunity. March 27, 2006 today is 4 years since my BEST FRIEND bettered his health & happiness. Grandpa is up in heaven with his two beautiful wives. Yesterday at Franklin memorial while cleaning debris around my 3 grandparents grave HUGH rays of sunbeams shooting through the clouds upon Brook, Lauren and I. To my mother I say “Grandpa’s saying Hello.” Later that day now and I am outside, I figure I will start my walking because I believe to get everything in your body up and moving how getting exercise is essential in life. I was looking into the sky, and an airplane leaving a jet stream of love. I make that a very comfortable feeling. Then my Uncle Jimmy calls me and I explained to him what just happened. Again at that time I was without noise, wind, and traffic and as I am explaining this to him, I look up and from left to right another jet stream of love. WOW, again (in my head) Lord, Grandpa, Angels, saying “What’s up Walter? I AM HERE with you Buddy.” Then, to me, it was crazy. I am explaining all this to my mother as she and Lauren are leaving and she looks and says with a smile “Walter, they are just airplanes.” I explain to her what just happened and as I look up AND AGAIN coming at me directly another jet stream of love. Now, I am a firm believer that everything happens in Threes. It could be good, bad, ugly or sad. I believe it is Mind over Matter. Do you actually see what is right in front of your face? To me, IT’S A TEST. Opportunities are seldom, if you are not ready to understand, You Are Beat. I now Never Say Never because I always expect the unexpected. You say NO, and I hear KNOW. I know I can and I will have people wondering how I actually did that. Like my accident, if I would have heard the Doctors rather than my Angels and believed that I wasn’t going to be able to do anything, honestly I would have given up. But as my grandpa James and father Walt were there with their thumbs up telling me to “Hold on Buddy, it’s Not Your Time. HOLD ON.” So I listened to those men that I could’ve sworn were there with me. I did see them, so there is my proof. Now back from my therapies and before I even get out of Ellen’s’ truck Another Stream of love is right above me. To me, my angels saw to it that I came home safe. I decided to go get exercise and walk to the mail. NADA So I am on this health kick and figure I will walk down the dead end street around the circle. I am wondering if I should. I look up and EXACTLY right above me again is a stream of love telling me to go ahead and I will be fine. Still hours later and there’s not a cloud in the sky. There is nothing but The Ultimate feeling in my heart and Soul. I am so very fortunate. NOW, Thank You God, I can actually write again and record the events throughout my daily tests. This day, March 27 will forever be locked in my heart, mind and soul. To my angels, thank you. As I am talking to my neighbor Nikki about the smoke of love, she stops me and points up to the right. Another sign YES I KNOW there are two airports around me, but to my noggin, they are signs of comfort to my body and mind. STAY STRONG, BODY AND MIND. I will triumph and get through life normally. Then, as my mother’s leaving and I am walking her to her car, we say bye, hug and kiss and I get this vibe to look above and directly on top of my mother and myself is another stream of love. My Best friend JAMES still makes me feel so very comfortable. Every day since him and I met I have the most comfortable feeling in my heart and soul. YO, ITS FREE Jesus kept me here to speak to thee. THANK YOU Lord and to the transmitters of love and comfort. It was a GREAT ending to a great day this March 27. Now the 28th at 3:37 a.m. and Kim and I are complete opposites today. She didn’t really approve of this day. It was the other side of the fence and so very unfortunate for my baby because it was shitty. It was all good for me and shitty for her. She truly needs a hug from her friend, ME Uncle Jimmy said he’s going to try to come here at the end of this week. His shoulder’s hurting him because of his love and assistance to set his dog Bailey up comfortably to Doggie Heaven. One week from today is my baby’s’ birthday. She and I are supposed to go and see David Gilmore at Radio City Music Hall in New York City the day before, into her birthday. A night in the city for your birthday, and I am wondering who is to complain about life? March 29, 2006 and today for me is chaotic, confusing, and I feel tightening and combustion on my body on a daily basis. While I’m outside walking back to my house, the bright yellow sun was beating on my face. At this moment I am at peace. I’m a firm believer that everything happens in threes. Various colored flags everywhere, but on my property there were 3 yellow flags. I make that a message that my Lord and Grandpa are showing me the way with love. March 30, 2006 I had a great day at therapy and as soon as I walk in, immediately constant arguments with my mother. No matter what I say, I keep getting yelled at. I am in a crazy place that I always try to avoid. I need brain and pain meds. I need deodorant, toothbrush and just a few things for my room. It’s hard when none of the utilities are on. I have therapy early tomorrow, all 3 therapies (occupational, speech, and physical.) I would like to shower, shave, brush my teeth and use some type of deodorant. If I could find an able body that would be nice enough to loan me a lump sum of money, my problems will be solved, well, so I believe. I’m not asking to give to me, but loan to me I am begging of you Please somebody, ANYBODY, PLEASE here my raspy voice. If I need a bottle of water, a slice of pizza, a pack of gum which costs only 25 cents, I have to ask and beg somebody to please give me a handful of change. If I had the money, I don’t need a ride because by walking I get great exercise and see so many great things like squirrels and birds playing. I need the exercise for my body and mind. In the future I’m sure I’ll be chilling in my pool at my new home with comfortable people drinking high quality H2o2 talking about how I was down in the gutter a few years ago and look how with the power of God, my life has flipped upside down for the better, I am praying. I am so very confused, but what else is new for me. As I’m looking up to the sky talking and praying, I realize how that is not needed. In order for me to say Thank You to him, I now truly believe that speaking and talking to Saints in your head is all that is needed to have your voice and prayers be heard. The Power of Prayer and my stubbornness not to give in I BELIEVE is what has carried me through. Death might have been knocking at my door, but it was locked. Either way, I was not answering and defiantly not opening. Crystal sky might be my new nieces name, another level (generation) is brought into my life on this joyous day. April 6 we went, lost each other, and met at the show. I can’t even afford a penny for my thoughts. Where there is a will, there is a way. She paid for the tickets, transportation, food and drinks. I wish I really could have helped someway. I will get her back in the future somehow. God, with your assistance and direction, I beg of you. Please be with me for I am with you. Please. Just received a hospital bill saying that I owe fourteen dollars for a shot I received while I was a patient. I keep telling myself inside my absent minded noggin to just focus on One Day at a time. Health and happiness will soon be given to you due to your persistence and MY I CAN DO IT ATTITUDE WALTER... I Thank You Lord for this new chance at a new life. To All my Angels and Guardians, I thank you so very much for this ability to function on a daily basis. 4-14 JOJO KOBO said to me “Walter be realistic, you are never writing a book so get with it kid.” His attitude with my brain injury telling me NO with my brain injury, I hear KNOW. I KNOW I CAN and I KNOW I WILL prove him wrong. For having TBI traumatic brain injury, I KNOW a little about ALOT. Start up this day at 6:49 on the 3rd of May and I am waiting for Kim to get out of her last Final and both our Finale of New Jersey. The beats that are on are Follow me. I am now following her and Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix which just so happens to be one of her favorite artist. Right there is another example of how Music Is The Answer.” Then my life comes into play not in neutral. Beats come on from O town where we are headed and where I am bringing another soul to enjoy the better life. I PLAN on making her smile with joy. Now, THE BEATLES with Here Comes the Sun with no vocals, just the chill beat. For me music is the answer. Music is what helped to wake me from my eight day Coma. May 22 and today I was accepted to start receiving food stamps and they all believe that I can work again. I am not lying to anyone when they ask me how I am feeling. I tell them straight up how it is hard for me to focus and understand the simplest of things. Everyone after telling them my honest and true feelings on how I was feeling at that time, they would all smile, laugh, and say “Walter, you are fine; you just got a little hurt and look at you. You will be fine, so stop always complaining.” June 14.2006 and I just received a letter saying how on October 6th I will be dropped from my food stamps. How and why I wondered. I will hopefully find somebody to beg for a ride so I can keep food on the table and be able to buy my own grub without relying or depending on anyone. July 12, and I now have an appointment with vocational rehab services to try and help get me out of neutral and hopefully into drive. Honestly I am not asking for anything at all. I will walk wherever and do whatever when I am in need. July 15, 2006 and I decided to go to a fair at a church to put some type of excitement in my life. While there I was imagining that my life is full of excitement and laughter. So thinking like that, I want to be wild and be a free soul. I wanted to press my luck and I bought not one, but two fifty fifty raffle tickets which cost me five bucks a piece. I was now broke, but I know in the near future my life will flip towards the good side. A few days later and I’m, at this second right now today, still as broke as a joke with none of anything. And guess what? Walter wasted his last ten dollars while at a church fair, I was trying to buy my way out of this negative black bubble for which I have sunken into. I have in my hands a guide from HealthSouth to show me how to use Occupational Therapy at home as a program. Things I need to remember and things that after reading the information, things that I now know to look out for. It was giving me a heads up to prevent me from failing at anything I am going to attempt. July 18, 2006 another bill saying I owe this place 1,876.00 July 26, 2006 and I got this letter stating how they need information stating from my mother the living situation, and a utility bill in her name as soon as possible. ASAP means to me as soon as possible but now when I need assistance the most, to me it means: Again Sad Angry Person in need of assistance. I feel as if I am just another number. I will be WALTER MORYAN, a name not just another number. August 22nd 2006 Meeting with Social Security today and they say several months I will start my shit. I am so very lost. I feel as if though I should be outside feeding seagulls with a helmet on for safety just in case I accidently get hit. I am so very scared of having to go back to where I was. August 29th 2006 I am wondering why I left Maryland to come home to nothing but negative energy? At least I am alive, Lord thank you. I now live my life one day at a time and the fact that I am alive to talk about it because, that’s why they are called accidents. Nobody meant it, but it happened and now you are hurt. August 30th 2006 my mother’s scared and wants to put me in a home. She’s scared? What about me? I am living with this all the time and I am just as confused. God, please be with me for I am with you. I met Meredith at HealthSouth Rehabilitation in Jackson, and Trust Me, That is a story of amazing, jaw dropping events: One day while I was working out at HealthSouth Rehabilitation in Jackson, New Jersey a lady tapped on my shoulder from behind, and asked if my name was Walter? I said yes, and showed my Tattoo for identification purposes. My wallet with all my info was MYSTERIOUS to anyone on where it all of a sudden went. So, my only form of I.D. was my name tattooed on my left bicep. It was one of my first tats and you know at that age, I was young dumb, full of cum, and thought I was always in control. *** Walter stay focused. See ladies gentlemen, and children? This is an example of me going off in a tangent. I am so focused on one thing, but yet something pops up and I TOTALLY forget all about what I was into first.***So, the lady said "My name is Ellen and my patient thinks she knows you, do you want to come over and say hi?" “No Doubt” I said. For me I was amped. I might actually have a friend. So I went over to this beautiful woman in a wheel chair and introduced myself. She, at the time, wasn't able to mouth many words. She would spell what she was trying to say in the air, but looking at her, it was backwards to you, but it was common sense to her because her finger was a marker and she was spelling it all out for you. MEREDITH WAS RIGHT and we weren’t able to comprehend her language. Her nurse Ellen, great woman, told me her name was Meredith. I looked in disbelief at her. Meredith, I said? She shook her head YES. I yelled excitedly MERIDTH BARON Blue house left hand side on Englishtown road? She shook her head Yes. Wow, she was my first kiss EVER at Nicolas Pizza in Old Bridge, my old stomping grounds. They do honestly make the best pizza you have ever had anywhere. No lie, I am sure that we got a slice, and played tag outside with friends. We just so happen to meet behind the dumpster hiding and suddenly Cupid were there and with the great conversation our lips locked. We both realized later on that as lovers we were a no go. Meredith like me was also in a horrible accident and not her fault also. Someone else was at fault and was to blame, and Meredith and I are the ones that have to live with that one mistake forever. Hanging with her as much as possible, her nurse Ellen said how we needed to be out with the world experiencing normal thing around the public. At first, it was tough because my family made me feel that I wasn’t expected and I was trying to get attention by talking about how I really can’t remember. When I was down at Jenkinsons at the Jersey Shore among friends, my life seemed alright and normal and to me that is the greatest feeling. When we would be on our way, Meredith and I would be saying how we have got to be at the Pavilion. We would get into these video poker tournaments. Meredith and I would win quite frequently. Being with her over 15 years later, 2 hours away from where we met, both now disabled, we made the best of it. With Ellen paying for everything, we never had to stop living life, Ellen, I THANK YOU ALWAYS." Meredith", I would say "I can’t understand your air spelling, just try and talk to me." She would shake her head no; look down, shrug and lip” I CANT.” Today for the first time in twelve years Meredith was able to raise her left foot towards the sky. I saw how good she was doing and I had to push my friend harder to get to her go further. By doing so while she was in the parallel bars, I told her “Meredith crush those fucking bugs. My outlook on life is to enjoy every minute and smile and to make life a game. With Meredith crushing those fucking bugs, she was practically running up and down the bars. She was walking nonstop for three times. I just instantly had tears in my eyes and our prayers were both answered. Repetition does pay, by the near future she and I could sit next to each other, having food and drinks while a poker tournament was going on all around us, she and I could now, laugh, talk and reminisce about everything. God saw that we met for a reason. So much time passed, so much happened horribly to the both of us, and we would both laugh and say “WE ARE ALIVE” and point towards Heaven and both Bless ourselves and thank God. Today from therapy I got some papers showing me some memory strategies: Prosthetic Memory Devices telling me to review my calendar or appointment book on a daily basis. So that is now my goal. I need to be able to remember and stop feeling so lost and confused. September 1st 2006 and I just signed the paperwork stating that now I will receive Government assistance. September 6th 2006 woke up to Joe asshole (FISH) shutting off our power illegally because he was fighting with my mother and she had to pay, ALONG WITH US I GUESS. I have a chance to go see Roger Waters tonight, but you now my steelo? IF it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have NO LUCK AT ALL, Another once in a lifetime opportunity missed, Lord, Please help change my lifestyle. September 7th 2006 just had a heart to heart with Kim about us being together as one. September 11th 2006 5 YEARS Concert tonight in New York City with tribute ALL U NEED IS LOVE 343 FIREFIGHTERS may God Bless Them and the Families September 12th 2006 US Embassy attacked and a buddy of mine James passed away this week, he wasn’t really accepted or welcomed, BUT HE WAS TRUE AND SO VERY REAL 100% September 17th 2006 and in my hands I have the release papers from when I was in the ER at CentraState. September 19th 2006 off to the back Dr we go AGAIN. Hopefully, Lord let him be there third time. I just need some answers on why I am in agonizing pain nonstop 24 7. September 22nd and New Jersey really wants me to go back to work. I do tell them that I want to go back to work because I am going crazy living with nothing. September 27th 2006 and I am at the Dr with a pinched nerve that hurts EXTREMLY, but I keep thinking how I conquered death and now something small like this, A Pinched Nerve? NO WORRIES WALLY I realize (Walter take baby steps because, you my friend, are so very blessed to be able to feel this agonizing pain.) October 3rd 2006 is so funny and crazy how I am missing money and a gift from a friend. When I ask brook or her sidekick, my mother, they would both say “Walter you probably lost it because you lose everything that you touch!” They don’t get it and neither do I. I am trying my best at everything I attempt, but no marbles. Shit goes sour all at my expense. October 10th 2006 and while watching the Price is Right, today has been the first time ever there wasn’t a winner at all and also on the news there is a six hundred pound bull loose in the streets of Newark. Crazy shit’s going on with me and all around me. October 11th 2006 My mother had to leave for a Dr. I feel as if I should be like her and everyone and ask for papers to prove to me that there’s actually a Dr. She just walked in and no HI, HELLO, she is yelling at me already. WE have no heat, no Ac, no food, and if I asked for a shit sandwich, I would be told to be a man and pull it out myself with enough to feed our entire development A new day today, whatever the day might be. Thank you Lord for me being able to open my eyes and write this myself... When I stepped into the vicinity of my mother, right off the bat she and dickhead are at it fighting like cats and dogs. This guy was threatening to come through the front door so I went down to protect my mother and while standing at the front door, now he was threatening to kick my ass. I said to him “Joe, you win man. I can’t defend myself and bro; you could most defiantly kick my ass being fifty years old and a fifth degree Black belt. No beef I am a vegetarian and Joe why are you coming at me? My mother’s the one that threw you out, not me, but now I am so Peace.” October 14th 2006 and I need to know how the world outside is doing, so I turn on the news and it said how a nine year old son was found dead because he was suffocated. His birthday was yesterday and his mother attempted suicide. It was too much for her to handle and the result to her attempt was losing two fingers. I do now know that when you think you got it bad and times are rough; always remember somebody always has it worse than you do. So don’t hate, appreciate. October 17th 2006 Went for my Social Security today trying to do it all on myself, and yesterday, my mother was yelling that I don’t do shit around the house while I was prepping and cooking shrimp I bought with my food stamps. Also, while doing ALL the laundry I got yelled at for not folding her and Laurens clothes. I only have two hands and there is only one disabled Walter. NO IDEA what day it is and because I didn’t walk to the store and buy groceries, my mother told me to get the fuck out. She called me a worthless piece of shit and said while kicking me out, “Fine then. I guess I will go myself. She doesn’t understand how scared I am walking that close to the road, let alone with cars flying by me. Then, if I was able to be fortunate and actually make it to the store, I realize how I have to do all over again. But now I would be coming back with a backpack and hands packed full of groceries. With my balance being off and watching the ground so I don’t step on anything and fall I caught a bad vibe just thinking about the problems that would occur. I think to myself when I am in doubt about anything, throw it out and think of that plan as garbage. It’s a done deal. WHEN IN DOUBT THROW IT OUT I applied in Ocean County for help needing emergency assistance and when I needed it most having nothing, I was denied. I asked why and they told me the reason was because I wasn’t actually homeless. They really didn’t understand my situation at all. I was networking everyday to everyone that I came in contact with asking them if it would be cool if I could crash at their place for the night. The state said because I had a place to stay, that made me not in need of emergency shelter. So be it. It is what it is. Where there is a will there is a way, at least I pray for a glimpse of hope, October 23rd 2006 Kim’s’ house is flooded so on Wednesday I will be there. Luckily, a Plummer is at her house now. Before leaving I felt bad leaving my mother, so I gave her $4 and a few cigarettes. I just kept saying to myself, “Walter, see man? You are doing whatever you can to show how much you appreciate the kindness, so have no worries.” While I am constantly playing mind quizzes and games, I am watching and listening to my mother while she was saying how her coffee wasn’t right from WAWA. While I am doing my thing and can only afford to make my own coffee at home in the am, another test was just thrown in my direction. I AM READY so bring it. Brook and Carlos tell me “Walter, you need to chill out.” How am I overreacting? I always just state the obvious on what is extremely uncomfortable to me and our society cannot handle the truth. 28 and I am treated like a 15 year old. I can’t sit outside, take a walk, and call anyone. But they all keep saying to me “Walter, you need to try harder, and chill, you are overreacting. Everyone wants to get somebody to help me. I say why, just please stop talking about stuff that makes me feel like a piece of shit. Even if I don’t have anything to do about it, I am still at fault, no matter what. 45 minutes later she brought it up, something I never did. Now, we are both in a bad mood and she just wants to drop it. It’s kind of hard since you brought it up Nancy Lee. I feel uncomfortable, and I am told “Walter, you don’t care and you still have to talk about it with Joe and me now.” After I left and went for a walk, Joe Fish (Asshole)has passed by several times looking and saying child phrases while driving by. After I got to my house, Joe pushed me while he and my mother were walking out. My mother yelled “later dude, make something in the oven for dinner for you two.” October 26th 2006 and today has been seventy five years for The George Washington Bridge and last year in 2005 there were 291,350 breast argumentations. I only cared to write that down because I have five younger sisters and I am always worried about all of them little beautiful young ladies. October 27th and at 3:13 my life actually seemed to be normal for a hot minute thanks to all the positive individuals I have came in contact with. I needed to know what the deal was with my food stamps so I decided to be an independent man and walk all the way there. After I followed through and completed the folder, I was fortunate to get a ride. I don’t know this person and while I am in the backseat with both of them I am fucking scared of my life. But with times being rough, who am I to complain. It beats walking (I am praying that I don’t wind up in a dumpster beaten.) I pray and plan everyday to prevail and finally be able to survive alone again. October 30th 2006 and I was dropped from food stamps and government assistance when I truly need a hand to help. The food stamps are a Hugh help to me and when I can, I have to only pay back the two hundred and ten dollars I am getting in government assistance. Beginning of NOVEMBER of 2006 and in the mail came a letter saying that I Walter Moryan was approved for a credit card. So on the fake card, I wrote on the back my name, date, and I signed it pretending now, that I actually had money and a credit card. I know that by taking baby steps that soon it will be all good for me and I will be happy and living in peace. November 14th?? ? YES. NO. MAYBE SO. I AM TRYING to be positive. Thursday November 15 and my goal today is just take baby steps. No leaps and hurdles, baby steps is my goal. I realize how I need to crawl before I can walk NOVEMBER 27, 2006 and while helping out a friend Chuck with three coats of paint to help out a friend, I was cleaning up the drop clothes and underneath was a red wine color trail of paint now on the white carpet. Chuck showed me what’s up and how to paint a quarter inch trim with a four inch Purdy paint brush. Now my 2 year anniversary of the new improved, smarter, stronger, and way more intelligent is trying to figure out how whenever I am around that shit goes sour. Like Kim told me it’s only 10% of what happens to you and it’s 90% of the way you react. Like a grain of salt, dust it off your shoulder and put on your boots and walk through the shit. I believe all that does, thinking Positive like that, is take you to a better state of mind. Thinking Positive I walk into the door and his brother Jim is jamming out to L a Woman and then he started playing the air guitar while painting. He’s a great, straight up guy. NOVEMBER 27, 2006 I keep being told for 2 years now how by everyone from both families how I am lazy, and it was just as much my fault so I need to STOP bitching and how I need to grow up and be a man. As they would ALL WALK AWAY IN DISGUST LAUGHING AT ME? December 5th and I just got back from New Brunswick were I had to file a Police report because my wallet was recently stolen. This really sucks ass because inside was my license, birth certificate, cross, Social Security card Medicaid card, food stamp card and seventy dollars in cash. Everything that I owned with my name and identification was stolen leaving me high and dry. December 12th 2006 Today at Kim’s house, the post office left a note about the threat of the loud, scary dog inside the house that always barks. If they only knew, it is a min pin (miniature pincher) he has a napoleon complex all that bark, AND TRUST ME, no bite. We just make sure he can’t get out attacking anyone. That was all we could honestly do. January 21st 2007 8:05 p.m. I am so scared right now. I am sleeping in this guy’s house that owns and runs a Construction business in Milltown New Jersey. This fat fuck David drove me to my house to get my belongings and moved me into his office in his house. WHY WOULD A STRANGER do this? It’s a few nights later and I are sleeping on a airbed that deflates every night. When I awake, my bones ache from sleeping on the hard, cold concrete. David, this fat, disgusting, gross excuse for an American makes all these remarks that make me very uncomfortable. I tell him that I love ladies and I am not down with his entire gay, bend over jokes. JPs’ son Tony is most defiantly down to take it in through the outdoor. I REALLY NEED TO BOUNCE, A S A P. I hate it here. I’m not gay. As uncomfortable as I am (body and mind) this plant, that grows from earth that our lord said In the first page as soon as you open the bible In Genesis it says: 10 And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good. 11 Then God said, ”Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so. 12 And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. IT IS IN THE BOOK WE ARE ALL SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW. It’s all good and Positive, February 2nd and I was finally able to mail my Godson Colin his gift box that I put together. Thanks to the help of the cashier helping me because I happened to be a dollar short and she hooked it up so I could mail it. I am broke already and I just got paid yesterday. I walk the walk and I talk the truth, and now I can talk without needed a device. Thank you Lord. February 5th and I want to be free like a bird flying over the sea, whether it be the ocean, pool, or the Gulf of Mexico. Whatever is surrounding or in The Sunshine State of Florida. I can’t believe that these people are acting like this. They are accusing me of hiding a broken lid. I said to them how if I did how I would have been a man and stepped up to the plate. February 9th 2007 today is brooks’ birthday and I hope she is happy at this second in her life. Her and Robert Barry Jr. all the best and good luck with their HUSH HUSH scam. You can try, but with God as my driver, it is going to come back and bite all those involved in the ass so very hardcore. All in Gods timing. Spin Spin Chino I say to myself throwing down on a pair of Techniques in my head since my 1200’s were stolen. I truly love music and I can’t wait for Walters’ remixed future. Talking to him I realized how life comes at you fast, so be ready. I am and Lord I thank you. February 13, 2006 another bill for Steno sis of Larynx, Compressor Air Power and suction pump portable home. I have no idea, but I feel like a piece of shit. I want all of everyone that was a hand in my recovery to get every penny that is owed. I am not in a good state of mind. I wish I had a penny to give, but I don’t. And just when you thought I was done, Boom. Another bill and I only owe one thousand one hundred and twelve dollars for this one. I will do my best to get this place all the money that I owe them for saving my life. There is no doubt in my mind that I will see to it that they get paid in full. Wait, there’s more. Again I just opened another bill dated from December fifteenth of two thousand and four all the way to August twenty eighth of two thousand and five. This one I owe a measly four thousand eight hundred and seventy eight dollars. February 16, 2006 and I received a bill from HealthSouth saying after the insurance did a little bit, I was now responsible for the balance to start my very much needed therapies in the sum of one thousand eight hundred forty dollars and five cents. Looks like I am not going to be able to get the appropriate help that I am in need of. I am willing to go down and volunteer my services to any unit that is in need of assistance in order to compensate for some of the money that I owe to the hospital for saving my soul and giving me a new chance at a new life. February 28th 2006 and today is the last day of February and I’m getting paid at 12 at night.WOW, THIS REALLY SUCKS. Kim and I just found out something that will test are love describing if she’s the one or if I am the one for her. God we leave it in your hands. When they are then known to be here in the United States of America illegally, they should and need to be deported. I wish I had some type of power so I would be able to help our amazing country. Trying to figure out what she is trying to gain by giving me bait so I came up with a menu and with all this craziness I came up with this: *Barbeque pudding chips *Pork liver filets *Gizzard Dumplings *Creamy Leach pancakes *Pig bladder soup *Crunchy rat tail nuggets *FROM UNDA grill cheese with tomato on rye And for dessert *Human urine smoothie with a side of Stink Finger March 7th and I was fortunate enough to be able to get all the information that was needed to Dr. McCagg and the guy who was in charge of my assistance. I believe it is going good so far. I was told to remember that when I am denied, I must apply again within thirty days. Everything now seems as if it’s going very slowly, but it seems to all be going in the right direction to eventually all fall into place. Ever since October thirteenth of last year when I was told to go downstairs and kick the two ladies out of the house where we were all chilling and throwing down. So I went downstairs and knocked on the bathroom door to find out that Kim Meyers had my niece Skylar up on the bathroom sink flushing a spider down the drain. The second they were done, I introduced myself and asked her name. After she said Kim, I told her how her how she and her sister had to leave because Jerry and Diane who didn’t like Sherry because she dated Jerry’s son Tony K who was a little prick that had no understanding of common sense. He was from Pennsylvania and I truly believe that he thought when he came to New Jersey that he would somehow, hopefully now be wanted and finally maybe he could feel accepted. I asked him what he liked to do, and he said ‘I like to watch paint dry and grass grow HUH HUH YUK YUK YUK When she was leaving I felt like my best friend was leaving. I felt weird as shit because we hardly met. Our Grandfathers James and Manuel both our Veterans that went above and beyond for the best country in the world which just so happens to be called . . . THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. March 17th and working my brain playing games, I turn to a page in my crossword magazine to a page which reads “Take Charge of Your Future and train at home for an exciting new career. So I checked these boxes for them to send me information because I was interested in becoming *Fitness and Nutrition consultant *Health Information Technician *Occupational Therapy Aide *Pharmacy Technician *Physical Therapy Aide *Visual Basic NET Programmer *Visual C# NET Programmer After several days passed now and I keep looking at this I now realize there’s no need to send this away because I am not interested in any of these as my profession for life. I do realize how I have no control over my mind at this moment and I am praying that one day all that I have been dreaming and praying for will be in my hands, plus an overabundance. So very lost and scared am I right now. PLEASE let it all get better. AMEN I speak from the heart and I want to break it down to people and let them know by looking and listening to me how it can happen to anyone at anytime. My goal is simply to help people. I was a helped soul and now it’s my time to prevent what happened to me from ever happening again. God I leave it in your hands and Thank You for this opportunity. March 27, 2006 today is 4 years since my BEST FRIEND bettered his health & happiness. Grandpa is up in heaven with his two beautiful wives. Yesterday at Franklin memorial while cleaning debris around my 3 grandparents grave HUGH rays of sunbeams shooting through the clouds upon Brook, Lauren and I. To my mother I say “Grandpa’s saying Hello.” Later that day now and as I’m outside walking getting exercise I was looking into the sky, and a airplane leaving a jet stream of love. I make that a very comfortable feeling. Then my Uncle Jimmy calls me and I explained to him what just happened. Again at that time I was without noise, wind, and traffic and as I am explaining this to him, I look up and from left to right another jet stream of love. WOW, again (in my head) Grandpa, Angels, Lord saying “What’s up Walter? I AM HERE with you Buddy.” Then, to me, it was crazy. I am explaining all this to my mother as she and Lauren are leaving and she looks and says with a smile “Walter, they are just airplanes.” I explain to her what just happened and as I look up AND AGAIN coming at me directly another jet stream of love. Now, I am a firm believer that everything happens in Threes. It could be good, ugly or sad. I believe it is Mind over Matter. Do you actually see what is right in front of your face? To me, IT’S A TEST. Opportunities are seldom, if you are not ready to understand, You Are Beat. I now Never Say Never because I always expect the unexpected. You say NO, and I hear KNOW. I know I can and I will have people wondering how I actually did that. Like my accident, if I would have heard the Doctors rather than my Angels and believed that I wasn’t going to be able to do anything, honestly I would have given up. But as my grandpa and father Walt were there with their thumbs up telling me to “Hold on Buddy, its Not Your Time. HOLD ON.” So I listened to those men that I could’ve sworn they were there with me because I SAW THEM. I did see them, so there is my proof. Now back from my therapies and before I even get out of Ellen’s’ truck Another Stream of love is right above me. To me, my angels saw to it that I came home safe. I decided to go get exercise and walk to the mail. NADA So I am on this health kick and figure I will walk down the dead end street around the circle. I am wondering if I should. I look up and EXACTLY right above me again is a stream of love telling me to go ahead and I will be fine. Still hours later and there’s not a cloud in the sky. There is nothing but The Ultimate feeling in my heart and Soul. I am so very fortunate. NOW, Thank You God, I can actually write again and record the events throughout my daily tests. This day, March 27 will forever be locked in my heart, mind and soul. To my angels, thank you. As I am talking to my neighbor Nikki about the smoke of love, she stops me and points up to the right. Another sign YES I KNOW there are two airports around me, but to my noggin, they are signs of comfort. STAY STRONG, BODY AND MIND. I will triumph and get through life normally. Then as my mother’s leaving and I am walking her to her car, we say bye, hug and kiss and I get this vibe to look above and directly on top of my mother and myself is another stream of love. My Best friend JAMES still makes me feel so very comfortable. Every day since him and I met I have the most comfortable feeling in my heart and soul. YO, ITS FREE Jesus kept me here to speak to thee. THANK YOU Lord and to the transmitters of love and comfort. It was a GREAT ending to a great day this March 27. Now the 28th at 3:37 a.m. and Kim and I are complete opposites today. She didn’t really approve of this day. It was the other side of the fence and so very unfortunate for my baby because it was shitty. It was all good for me and shitty for her. She truly needs a hug from her friend, ME Uncle Jimmy said he’s going to try to come here at the end of this week. His shoulder’s hurting him because of his love and assistance to set his dog Bailey up comfortable to Doggie Heaven. One week from today is my baby’s’ birthday. She and I are supposed to go and see David Gilmore at Radio City Music Hall in New York City the day before, into her birthday. A night in the best city ever, NEW YORK CITY for your birthday, and I am wondering who is to complain about life? March 29, 2006 and today for me is chaotic, confusing, and I feel tightening and combustion on my body on a daily basis. While I’m outside walking back to my house, the bright yellow sun was beating on my face. At this moment I am at peace. I’m a firm believer that everything happens in threes. Various colored flags everywhere, but on my property there were 3 yellow flags. I make that a message that my Lord and Grandpa are showing me the way with love. March 30, 2006 I had a great day at therapy and as soon as I walk in, immediately constant arguments with my mother. No matter what I say, I keep getting yelled at. I am in a crazy place that I always try to avoid. I need brain and pain meds. I need deodorant, toothbrush and just a few things for my room. It’s hard when none of the utilities are on. I have therapy early tomorrow, all 3 therapies (occupational, speech, and physical.) I would like to shower, shave, brush my teeth and use some type of deodorant. If I could find an able body that would be nice enough to loan me a lump sum of money, my problems will be solved, well, so I believe. I’m not asking to give to me, but loan to me I am begging of you. Please somebody, ANYBODY, PLEASE here my raspy voice If I need a bottle of water, a slice of pizza, a pack of gum which costs 25 cents, I have to ask and beg somebody to please give me a handful of change. If I had the money, I don’t need a ride because by walking I get great exercise and see so many great things like squirrels and birds playing. I need the exercise for my body and mind. In the future I’m sure I’ll be chilling in my pool at my new home with comfortable people drinking high quality H2o2 talking about how I was down in the gutter a few years ago and look how with the power of God, my life has flipped upside down for the better, I am praying. I am so very confused, but what else is new for me. As I’m looking up to the sky talking and praying, I realize how that is not needed. In order for me to say Thank You to him, I now truly believe that speaking and talking to Saints and people that you think in your head is really all that is needed to have you be heard. The Power of Prayer and my stubbornness not to give in I BELIEVE is what has carried me through. Death might have been knocking at my door, but it was locked. Either way, I was not answering and defiantly not opening. Crystal sky might be my new nieces name, another level (generation) is brought into my life on this joyous day April 6 we went, lost each other, and met at the show. I can’t even afford a penny for my thoughts. Where there is a will, there is a way. She paid for the tickets, transportation, food and drinks. I wish I really could have helped someway. Just received a hospital bill saying that I owe fourteen dollars for a shot I received while I was a patient. I keep telling myself inside my absent minded noggin to just focus on One Day at a time. Health and happiness will soon be given to you due to you persistence and MY I CAN DO IT ATTITUDE WALTER... I Thank You Lord for this new chance at a new life. To All my Angels and Guardians, I thank you so very much for this ability to function on a daily basis. 4-14 JOJO KOBO said to me Walter be realistic, you are never writing a book so get with it kid. His attitude with my brain injury telling me NO with my brain injury, I hear KNOW. I KNOW I CAN and I KNOW I WILL prove him wrong. For having TBI traumatic brain injury, I KNOW a little about ALOT. Start up this day at 6:49 on the 3rd of May and I am waiting for Kim to get out of her last Final and both our Finale of New Jersey. The beats that are on are Follow me. I am now following her and Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix which just so happens to be one of her favorite artist. Then my life comes into play not in neutral. Beats come on from O town where we are headed and where I am bringing another soul to enjoy the better life. I PLAN on making her smile with joy. Now, THE BEATLES with Here Comes the Sun with no vocals, just the chill beat. For me music is the answer. Music is what helped to wake me from my eight day Coma. May 22 and today I was accepted to start receiving food stamps and they all believe that I can work again. I am not lying to anyone when they ask me how I am feeling. I tell them straight up how it is hard for me to focus and understand the simplest of things. Everyone after telling them my honest and true feelings on how I was feeling at that time, they would all smile, laugh, and say “Walter, you are fine; you just got a little hurt and look at you. You will be fine, so stop always complaining.” June 14.2006 and I just received a letter saying how on October 6 I will be dropped from my food stamps. How and why I wondered? I will hopefully find somebody to beg for a ride so I can keep food on the table and be able to buy my own grub without relying or depending on anyone ever again from this point on. I AM PRAYING TO JESUS OUR GOD. July 12, and I now have an appointment with vocational rehab services to try and help get me out of neutral and hopefully into drive. Honestly I am not asking for anything at all. I will walk wherever to go whatever and when I am in need. July 15, 2006 and I decided to go to a fair at a church to put some type of excitement in my life. While there I was imagining that my life is full of excitement and laughter. So thinking like that, I want to be wild and be a free soul. I wanted to press my luck and I bought not one, but two 50 / 50 raffle tickets which cost me five bucks a piece. I was now broke, but I know in the near future my life will flip towards the good side. A few days later and I’m, at this second right now today, still as broke as a joke with none of anything. And guess what? Walter wasted his last ten dollars while at a church fair, I was trying to buy my way out of this negative black bubble for which I have sunken into. I have in my hands a guide from HealthSouth to show me how to use Occupational Therapy at home as a program. Things I need to remember and things that after reading the information, things that I now know to look out for. It was giving me a heads up to prevent me from failing at anything I am going to attempt. July 18, 2006 another bill saying I owe this place $1,876.00 July 26, 2006 and I got this letter stating how they need information stating from my mother the living situation, and a utility bill in her name as soon as possible. ASAP means to me as soon as possible but now when I need assistance the most, to me it means: Again Sad Angry Person in need of assistance. I feel as if I am just another number. August 22nd 2006 Meeting with Social Security today and they say several months I will start my shit. I am so very lost. I feel as if though I should be outside feeding seagulls with a helmet on for safety just in case I accidently get hit. I am so very scared of having to go back to where I was. August 29th 2006 I am wondering why I left Maryland to come home to nothing but negative energy? At least I am alive, Lord thank you. I now live my life one day at a time and the fact that I am alive to talk about it because, that’s why they are called accidents. Nobody meant it, but it happened and now you are hurt. August 30th 2006 my mother’s scared and wants to put me in a home. She’s scared? What about me? I am living with this all the time and I am just as confused. God, please be with me for I am with you. I met Meredith at HealthSouth Rehabilitation in Jackson, and Trust Me, That is a story of amazing, jaw dropping events. One day while I was working out at HealthSouth Rehabilitation in Jackson, New Jersey a lady tapped on my shoulder from behind, and asked if my name was Walter? I said yes, and showed my Tattoo for identification purposes. My wallet with all my info was MYSTERIOUS to anyone on where it all of a sudden went. So, my only form of I.D. was my name tattooed on my left bicep. It was one of my first tats and you know at that age, I was young dumb, full of cum, and thought I was always in control. **** Walter stay focused. See ladies gentlemen, and children? This is an example of me going off in a tangent. I am so focused on one thing, but yet something pops up and I TOTALLY forget all about what I was into first. So, the lady said "My name is Ellen and my patient thinks she knows you, do you want to come over and say hi?" “No Doubt” I said. For me I was amped. I might actually have a friend. So I went over to this beautiful woman in a wheel chair and introduced myself. She, at the time, wasn't able to mouth many words. She would spell what she was trying to say in the air, but looking at her, it was backwards to you, but it was common sense to her because her finger was a marker and she was spelling it all out for you. MEREDITH WAS RIGHT and we weren’t able to comprehend her language. Her nurse Ellen, great woman, told me her name was Meredith. I looked in disbelief at her. Meredith, I said? She shook her head YES. I yelled excitedly MERIDTH BARON Blue house left hand side on Englishtown road? She shook her head Yes. Wow, she was my first kiss EVER at Nicolas pizza my old stomping grounds. They do honestly make the best pizza you have ever had anywhere. No lie, I am sure that we got a slice, and played tag outside with friends. We just so happen to meet behind the dumpster hiding and suddenly Cupid were there and with the great conversation our lips locked. We both realized later on that as lovers we were a no go. Meredith like me was also in a horrible accident and not her fault also. Someone was to blame, and Meredith and I are the ones that have to live with that one mistake forever. Hanging with her as much as possible, her nurse Ellen said how we needed to be out with the world experiencing normal thing around the public. At first, it was tough because my family made me feel that I wasn’t expected and I was trying to get attention by talking about how I really can’t remember. When I was down at Jenkinsons at the Jersey Shore among friends, my life seems alright and normal and to me that is the greatest feeling. When we would be on our way, Meredith and I would be saying how we have got to be at the Pavilion. We would get into these video poker tournaments. Meredith and I would win quite frequently. We would get together prior and discuss our strategy. She was going to do this and I was going to do that, and in the end, we would both wind up as winners. Being with her over 15 years later 2 hours away from where we met, both now disabled, we made the best of it. With Ellen paying for everything, we never had to stop living life, Ellen, I THANK YOU ALWAYS." Meredith", would say something in her language that we simplified humans couldn’t comprehend "I can’t understand your air spelling, just try and talk to me." She would shake her head no; look down, shrug and lip” I CANT.” Today for the first time in twelve years Meredith was able to raise her left foot towards the sky. I saw how good she was doing and I had to push my friend harder to get to her go further. By doing so while she was in the parallel bars, I told her “Meredith crush those fucking bugs.” My outlook on life is to enjoy every minute and smile and to make life a game. With Meredith crushing those fucking bugs, she was practically running up and down the bars. She was walking nonstop for three times. I just instantly had tears in my eyes and our prayers were both answered. Repetition does pay, by the near future she and I could sit next to each other, having food and drinks while a poker tournament was going on all around us, she and I could now, laugh, talk and reminisce about everything. God saw that we met for a reason. So much time passed, so much happened horrible to the both of us, and we would both laugh and say “WE ARE ALIVE” and point towards Heaven and both Bless ourselves and thank God. Today from therapy I got some papers showing me some memory strategies: Prosthetic Memory Devices telling me to review my calendar or appointment book on a daily basis. So that is now my goal. I need to be able to remember and stop feeling so lost and confused. September 1st 2006 and I just signed the paperwork stating that now I will receive Government assistance. September 6th 2006 woke up to Joe pinto (FISH) shutting off our power illegally because he was fighting with my mother and she had to pay, ALONG WITH US I GUESS. I have a chance to go see Roger Waters tonight, but you now my steelo? IF it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have NO LUCK AT ALL, Another once in a lifetime opportunity missed, Lord, Please help change my lifestyle. September 7th 2006 just had a heart to heart with Kim about us being together as one. September 11th 2006 5 YEARS Concert tonight in New York City with tribute ALL U NEED IS LOVE 343 FIREFIGHTERS may God Bless Them and the Families September 12th 2006 US Embassy attacked and a buddy of mine James passed away this week, he wasn’t really accepted or welcomed, BUT HE WAS TRUE AND SO VERY REAL 100% September 17th 2006 and in my hands I have the release papers from when I was in the ER at CentraState. September 19th 2006 off to the back Dr we go AGAIN. Hopefully, Lord let him be there third time. I just need some answers on why I am in agonizing pain nonstop 24 7 September 22nd and New Jersey really wants me to go back to work. I do tell them that I want to go back to work because I am going crazy living with nothing. September 27th 2006 and I am at the Dr with a pinched nerve that hurts EXTREMLY, but I keep thinking how I conquered death and now something small like this, A Pinched Nerve? NO WORRIES WALLY I realize (Walter take baby steps because, you my friend, are so very blessed to be able to feel this agonizing pain.) October 3rd 2006 is so funny and crazy how I am missing money and a gift from a friend. When I ask brook or her sidekick, my mother, they would both say “Walter you probably lost it because you lose everything that you touch!” October 10th 2006 and while watching the Price is Right, today has been the first time ever there wasn’t a winner at all and also on the news there is a six hundred pound bull loose in the streets of Newark. Crazy shit’s going on with our great country and with it all going on all around me; I am bugging the fuck out. Hard core. October 11th 2006 My mother had to leave for a Dr. I feel as if I should be like her and everyone and ask for papers to prove to me that there’s actually a Dr. She just walked in and no HI, HELLO, she is yelling at me already. WE have no heat, no Ac, no food, and if I asked for a shit sandwich, I would be told to be a man and pull it out myself with enough to feed our entire development. A new day today, whatever the day might be. Thank you Lord for me being able to open my eyes and write this myself... When I stepped into the vicinity of my mother, right off the bat she and dickhead are at it fighting like cats and dogs. This guy was threatening to come through the front door so I went down to protect my mother and while standing at the front door, now he was threatening to kick my ass. I said to him “Joe, you win man. I can’t defend myself and bro; you could most defiantly kick my ass. No beef I am a vegetarian and Joe why are you coming at me? My mother’s the one that threw you out, not me. Peace.” October 14th 2006 and I need to know how the world outside is doing, so I turn on the news and it said how a nine year old son was found dead because he was suffocated. His birthday was yesterday and his mother attempted suicide. It was too much for her to handle and the result to her attempt was losing two fingers. I do now know that when you think you got it bad and times are rough; always remember somebody always has it worse than you do. So don’t hate, appreciate. October 17th 2006 Went for my Social Security today trying to do it all on myself, and yesterday, my mother was yelling that I don’t do shit around the house while I was prepping and cooking shrimp I bought with my food stamps. Also, while doing all the laundry I got yelled at for not folding her and Laurens clothes. I only have two hands and there is only one disabled Walter. NO IDEA what day it is and because I didn’t walk to the store and buy groceries, my mother told me to get the fuck out. She called me a worthless piece of shit and said while kicking me out, “Fine then. I guess I will go drive myself in my car and use some of the cash that I got for gas, cigarettes and coffee.” She doesn’t understand how scared I am walking that close to the road, left all alone again with cars flying by me. Then, if I was able to be fortunate and actually make it to the store, I realize how I have to do all over again. But now, I would be coming back with a backpack and hands packed full of groceries. With my balance being off and watching the ground so I don’t step on anything and fall I caught a bad vibe just thinking about the problems that would occur. I think to myself when I am in doubt about anything, throw it out and think of that plan as garbage. It’s a done deal. WHEN IN DOUBT THROW IT OUT I applied in Ocean County for help needing emergency assistance and when I needed it most having nothing, I was denied. I asked why and they told me the reason was because I wasn’t actually homeless. They really didn’t understand my situation at all. I was networking everyday to everyone that I came in contact with asking them if it would be cool if I could crash at their place for the night. The state said because I had a place to stay, that made me not in need of emergency shelter. So be it. It is what it is. Where there is a will there is a way, at least I pray for a glimpse of hope, October 23rd 2006 Kim’s’ house is flooded so on Wednesday I will be there. Luckily, a Plummer is at her house now. Before leaving I felt bad leaving my mother, so I gave her $4 and a few cigarettes. I just kept saying to myself, “Walter, see man? You are doing whatever you can to show how much you appreciate the kindness, so have no worries.” While I am constantly playing mind quizzes and games, I am watching and listening to my mother while she was saying how her coffee wasn’t right from WAWA. While I am doing my thing and can only afford to make my own coffee at home in the am, another test was just thrown in my direction. I AM READY so bring it. Brook and Carlos tell me “Walter, you need to chill out.” How am I overreacting? I always just state the obvious on what is extremely uncomfortable to me and our society cannot handle the truth. 28 and I am treated like a 15 year old. I can’t sit outside, take a walk, and call anyone. But they all keep saying to me “Walter, you need to try harder, and chill, you are overreacting. Everyone wants to get somebody to help me. I say why, just please stop talking about stuff that makes me feel like a piece of shit. Even if I don’t have anything to do about it, I am still at fault, no matter what. 45 minutes later she brought it up, something I never did. Now, we are both in a bad mood and she just wants to drop it. It’s kind of hard since you brought it up Nancy Lee. I feel uncomfortable, and I am told “Walter, you don’t care and you still have to talk about it with Joe and me now.” After I left and went for a walk, Joe pinto has passed by several times looking and saying child phrases while driving by. After I got to my house, Joe pushed me while he and my mother were walking out. My mother yelled “later dude, make something in the oven for dinner for you two.” October 26th 2006 and today has been seventy five years for The George Washington Bridge and last year in 2005. There were 291,350 breast argumentations. I only cared to write that down because I have five younger sisters and I am always worried about all of them little beautiful young ladies. October 27th and at 3:13 my life actually seemed to be normal for a hot minute thanks to all the positive individuals I have came in contact with. I needed to know what the deal was with my food stamps so I decided to be an independent man and walk all the way there. After I followed through and completed the folder, I was fortunate to get a ride. I don’t know this person and while I am in the backseat with both of them I am fucking scared of my life. But with times being rough, who am I to complain? It beats walking (I am praying that II don’t wind up in a dumpster beaten.) I pray and plan everyday to prevail and finally be able to survive alone again. October 30th 2006 and I was dropped from food stamps and government assistance when I truly need a hand to help. The food stamps are a Hugh help to me and when I can, I have to only pay back the two hundred and ten dollars I am getting in government assistance. Beginning of NOVEMBER of 2006 and in the mail came a letter saying that I Walter Moryan was approved for a credit card. So on the fake card, I wrote on the back my name, date, and I signed it pretending now, that I actually had money and a credit card. I know that by taking baby steps that soon it will be all good for me and I will be happy and living in peace. November 14th?? ? YES. NO. MAYBE SO. I AM TRYING to be positive. Thursday November 15 and my goal today is just take baby steps. No leaps and hurdles, baby steps is my goal. I realize how I need to crawl before I can walk NOVEMBER 27, 2006 and while helping out a friend Chuck with three coats of paint to help out a friend, I was cleaning up the drop clothes and underneath was a red wine color trail of paint now on the white carpet. Chuck showed me what’s up and how to paint a quarter inch trim with a four inch paint brush. Now my 2 year anniversary of the new improved, smarter, stronger, and way more intelligent Walter August is trying to figure out how whenever I am around that shit goes sour. Like Kim told me it’s only 10% of what happens to you and it’s 90% of the way you react to it. Like a grain of salt, dust it off your shoulder and put on your boots and walk through the shit. I believe all that does, thinking Positive like that, is take you to a better state of mind. Thinking Positive I walk into the door and his brother Jim is jamming out to L a Woman and then he started playing the air guitar while painting. He’s a great, straight up guy. NOVEMBER 27, 2006 I keep being told for 2 years now how by everyone from both families how I am lazy, and it was just as much my fault so I need to STOP bitching and how I need to grow up and be a man. AND EVERYTINE, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY SO CALLED FAMILY MEMBERS WOULD ALL WALK AWAY IN DISGUST LAUGHING AT ME AND I WAS WONDERING WHAT WAS SO FUNNY? December 5th and I just got back from New Brunswick were I had to file a Police report because my wallet was recently stolen. This really sucks ass because inside was my license, birth certificate, cross, Social Security card Medicaid card, food stamp card and seventy dollars in cash. Everything that I owned with name and identification was stolen leaving me high and dry. December 12th 2006 Today at Kim’s house, the post office left a note about the threat of the loud, scary dog inside the house that always barks. If they only knew, it is a min pin (miniature pincher) he has a napoleon complex all that bark, AND TRUST ME, no bite. We just make sure he can’t get out attacking anyone. That was all we could honestly do with this rotten, scary ass little guy who gets scared when he sees his shadow. January 21st 2007 8:05 p.m. I am so scared right now. I am sleeping in this guy’s house that owns and runs a Construction business in Milltown New Jersey named Davis T. This guy drove me to my house to get my belongings and moved me into his office in his house. WHY WOULD A STRANGER do this? It’s a few nights later and I’m sleeping on a airbed that deflates every night. When I awake, my bones ache from sleeping on the hard, cold concrete. David T makes all these remarks that make me very uncomfortable. I tell him that I love ladies and I am not down with his entire gay, bend over jokes. I REALLY NEED TO BOUNCE, A S A P. I hate it here. I’m not gay. As uncomfortable as I am (body and mind) this plant, that grows from earth that our lord said In the first page as soon as you open the bible In Genesis it says: 10 And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good. 11 Then God said, ”Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so. 12 And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. IT IS IN THE BOOK WE ARE ALL SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW. It’s all good and Positive, February 2nd and I was finally able to mail my Godson Colin his gift box that I put together. Thanks to the help of the cashier helping me because I happened to be a dollar short and she hooked it up so I could mail it. I am broke already and I just got paid yesterday. I walk the walk and I talk the truth, and now I can talk without needed a device. Thank you Lord. February 5th and I want to be free like a bird flying over the sea, whether it be the ocean, pool, or the Gulf of Mexico. Whatever is surrounding or in The Sunshine state of Florida. I can’t believe that these people are acting like this. They are accusing me of hiding a broken lid. I said to them how if I did, how I would have been a man and stepped up to the plate. February 9th 2007 today is brooks’ birthday and I hope she is happy at this second in her life. Her and Robert Barry Jr. all the best and good luck with the HUSH HUSH scam Spin Spin Chino I say to myself throwing down in my head. I truly love music and I can’t wait for Walters’ remixed future. February 12th 2007 11 feet 7 inches of snow fell in upstate New York RECORD. When I walked outside it stopped snowing which reminds me to ALWAYS EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. Pasta, 3 POWDER DRINK MIXES, 1/2 gallon of high quality h2o2, wings, daily chores and utensils are needed which all is there by me. OH MY BAD. Not bad from a person who does absolutely nothing I am like the Energizer bunny my days keep going and going dragging on so I go outside for some fresh air and while out there a black car locked them up and stopped, so me, not being a bitch, I stood up and made eye contact, then suddenly they sped away around the corner through a mound of snow off the road. Don’t know who and why that happened. A few days later I found out my mother had moved. Hey it’s a good thing, being a Bull I took life by the horns into my own hands and got a ride, got all my stuff and changed my address PRIOR. I just now at5:59pm realized I'm all alone and I have nowhere to call home really. Hey, I am alive right? So what’s the problem? Now 8:07 and now I’m trying baked beans in a pie crust. Who has issues? I am able to eat on my own with God giving me direction. Kim and I both are just chilling baking cookies, chocolate chip, I hope. I just learned a lesson after searching for something that took nearly an hour. The lesson I learned was if you can’t find something, just move shit out of your way and it will be right there. What I was searching for was right under the mail I just brought in and threw down. There they were. The entire time searching I was walking right over them under the mail. February 27th 2007 and today has been Two years and Three months for me since that day I was dumb and trusted somebody else after drinking who said he could drive. With one dollar for food my wheels start moving in my head and the axons start working trying to relate signals in my absent minded thoughts. I do know that eventually these problems I am going through will vanish and I will pass this test and be able to come out smiling. February 28th 2007 the last day of this month. I get paid at 12 tonight….NOW MARCH 1 I NEVER GOT PAID. WHY? When I asked they told me that the guy in charge of New Jersey messed up. WOOPS. I am now at Sharis’ house thankfully. She and her two kids, Meanie Madison, and Wacky Jack opened up the entire house and opened the refrigerator to me. Lord, please see that I make it. I was sleeping on a picnic table when the man I have been calling dad JP said “Sorry Walter, my basements flooded so, I have nowhere for you to stay.” With both of them having several trucks, a garage, and three regular vehicles, but, NO ROOM. So he handed me his LINE OF BULLSHIT on how with his 2 jobs, 5 vehicles, 2 houses with garages, HOW HE HAS NO ROOM FOR ME TO CRASH FOR ONE NIGHT. Fuck You JP. Thanks dad, a.k.a. piece of shit. There’s the credit that you want from me. March 1st and I never got paid because they told me politicians messed up and we are the ones to pay. March 1st 2007 at 7:30 p.m. and I just now realized that Honesty is the best tool in your vocabulary and I realize how I need to keep it real up in the field to keep going through life daily. One hundred percent of the time tells only the truth because when lying you are in a dark circle and eventually you will get lost and forget where you started. Now at my friends’ house. Shari Madison and Jack are all true, cool, funny, loving souls and its cool how they are all related. Lord PLEASE see that I make it. I was homeless to sleeping o a picnic table so I DO SEE how life has gotten better for me. For some it wasn’t much but to me, the table was my bed. 12:33 a.m. I ran into one of my five sisters Jesica a.k.a. Ester Egghead is what I called my Buddy. We just chilled and got up with one another about everything under the sun. She and I both needed that. Goodnight LORD, I ask of you to watch over me while I rest. THANK YOU for this day. Awake now at 7:20 and there are massive amounts of snow everywhere. High today is going to be 37* and the low will be 29*. The snow’s falling and it m is the size of chocolate chip cookies. So me being me, I decided to start shoveling and dropping salt down. After one hour passed, I stopped and really thought to myself “Walter, why are you even bothering?” I was going to get yelled at when someone had a shitty day and I was the only one within distance for the negative vibes to be thrown in my direction. It’s a trip how nobody ever notices what I do around here, ever. MYSTERIOUSLY the salt just fell from this sky and just so happened to fall exactly only directly on our patio and our walkway. From the front door to my mothers’ car and around and behind the car to reverse out.ONLY WHEN I failed at something was I given any attention. March 2nd 2007 now getting discharged from the hospital, well, so I thought. I just found out that I will be sleeping here for the night. Hey, at least I am not sleeping on the streets. I am so very fortunate to eat three sandwiches. March 3rd 2007 I am here at CentraState, the place where Grandpa last was before he went through the gates of heaven. It’s scary to be here again. Thankfully he bettered his health and went to be with his two wives. I have a bunch of bills: #1 two hundred and seventy five dollars #2 one thousand five hundred and twenty nine dollars #3 eighty dollars so I pretend that I have these stacks of loot. A just got a sick note from the hospital saying I won’t be at work for two days. I remember telling the nurse my story in detail explaining I don’t need a note because I haven’t been able to work in years. I did still get a note. I have documentation for when I write that book. I know for a fact because I am constantly advertising myself to everyone and anyone that I come in contact with. Mark my words, it will rock our nation will nothing but jaw dropping Positive eye opening vibes. My Buddy Grandpa is the ultimate Mac Daddy. When we brought him to rest, we placed him right in between his two wives and while I am here writing, thinking and listening, what beats are now on? Love hurts. It does, but I know that I will get through this test with having nothing. I am writing this to remind me to speak to someone about my living situation. As of now being in the hospital, when I bounce out, I still have no food, no money, no clothes, no home, and I haven’t been able to take a shower in five days, and I still have no government assistance. I give a shout out to CentraState for providing all I need to feel clean and full everything I have needed for several long, cold and scary days. Now it’s 3:30 a.m. and I can’t sleep . . . now it’s 7:30 and the snow outside is falling heavy and steady and I was just told that I can have no breakfast or meds until I see Social Services. So bugging out I decide to write and I am told that I am not allowed to use the light. Blood pressure is 110/70 and I have $33 in my pocket when I get out of here. I really need. I am sorry; I REALLY WILL BE IN FLORIDA SOON. The nice police officer from Spotswood bought me a cup of coffee and gave me $20 out of his pocket. If it wasn’t for that cool ass officer I would be homeless, hungry and broke, so, Thank You Officer. Shari’s’ house, where I am now living needs help with food and I FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT because I can’t even buy a single peanut for her, her family of two, or myself. My soul feels lost. I was supposed to get my last check today and, NO DICE. We all need it the most. This is all because New Jersey told me even when I was in harm’s way; I should have called and given them a month of notice. It was an emergency and I should have stayed in harm’s way. I wonder why? I do what I can for Shari, the kids, and house. She has been my angel in my time of need. I do what I can to help. I like to play good house bitch, hey, it’s the least that I can do. I am now watching her sick child while she runs some errands. Now, there is no way for me to call Social Security to set my shit up. While I was walking around homeless, food less and shelter less I decided to stop by a store to show my appreciation to see her two cool ass little kids Wacky Jack and Meanie Madison smile with happiness and when I was outside, after cleaning I wrote and made this letter into a card with hearts of love, pictures, and these words from my heart: To Shari, Wacky Jack and Meanie Madison Just to let you know Shari, the night that I left here I got jumped walking through town. The Spotswood police brought me to the ER at CentrState Hospital in Freehold. I stayed at the hospital for the night and after telling them how I had no place to go and that I was homeless. They called and paid for a taxi for me to a men’s’ shelter in Brunswick which after getting dropped off, didn’t have any room for me because they never knew I was coming and no beds are available. So, last night I slept at Christ Church on Patterson Street and at seven in the morning I started walking down route eighteen towards Milltown to get a slice at Vinnie’s Pizza. All the employees made a smile come to my face, plus the dude making the pies was a YANKEE fan, so it was all good. It is nice how I just found out that I am going to start finally receiving my Social Security Disability at the end of April. Hey, you know how bad luck just seems to follow my ass. Listen to what happened. I went from nothing to the ER at the hospital that my best friend died at, so I have left it in Gods’ hands from here on out. Since I realized to stop fighting because I am not in control, I am praying, hoping and begging that maybe since doing so I can now get back to normal reality. Hey I now am taking it all one day at a time. Today for me is tough, but my strong will and drive will carry me through, well at least that’s what I keep telling myself. With God as my driver, off we will go above and beyond. Once again I thank you for everything. You have a great heart and soul. THANKS Walter March 3 March 7th and for some reason, I have no idea why, I just got a phone with amp’d mobile and this brand new phone hardly ever works. I feel like a total asshole signing that contract locking me in with this fly by Night Company. March 9th 2007 and I’m now @ the motor lodge for 3 days now. Nancy Lee is doing the math with my Social Security. Later now and I am here all alone, cold, but happy. ATLEAST I am Alive. Now, I have been Alive for Two years, Three months and seven days .Crazy life I am now living 24 / 7. I received another letter dealing with my recovery stating that soon I will be eligible for Medicare. But I am always feeling like the world is messing around with me and my Brain injury because little do they know that I am already hooked up with Medicare. Today is the 5th I believe and after being on hold for what felt like an eternity with the state, I am approved for assistance when I go to New Brunswick to re apply. Now 8:29 and while walking in Brunswick I met up with a ride and a place to stay for the night. If ever I needed assistance, Lord, Please help me now, I BEG OF YOU PLEASE. They are paying for a taxi to Brunswick I am leaving from the hospital to a half way house that after the taxi dropped me off, they had no room for me. So, I went from the ER, to a halfway house, to homeless. While I was walking the streets in New Brunswick, I asked several homeless people where I can go and get some rest. They told me “Christ Church on Patterson Street.” With nothing but my man purse and the clothes on my back I am off to find my new home for tonight. I am all alone again. Before I go I will get some grub somehow, I hope. When I found Christ Church on Patterson Street, I walked in up the stairs and then the church said to me “Sorry, we have no beds.” So, showing my scars and telling my story suddenly now there was room for me because a regular never showed for the night and I could sleep in his cot. I walked up and shook all four of their hands and told the members of the church to please let me know if there is anything I can do to help to please let me know. By Networking I went up and introduced myself to a few of my new roommates. They asked how I got there and I started by telling them how I was jumped and then they heard my real deal true story. They were all in astonishment and I totally had all their mouths to the ground in amazement. So while outside Chilin with this cool ass cat, this guy fell asleep to my right while I was mad deep into a conversation with him. For me, it was no loss and it was all good. It was a pleasure talking to him while he was awake because he spoke highly of the Lord. After several long minutes, I was totally exhausted because I was holding his ass up. So, I am about to go inside and leave his ass outside to sleep with the Angels. Inside now at 10 p.m. and I am lying in a cot at church. I hope and prayed to God, with nothing, I Thank You. Honestly, who am I to complain? I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in and a cup of hot tea. Lord, Thank You for being with me. You have answered all my prayers plus so much more and I now at this moment have it all. Please when I awake give me direction on my next step. We all have to be awake at 6 and out the door by 6:30. I am being told by several people that we can ride the trolley all day for free and the soup kitchen opens from 3 to 3:30 only. At first I was like WOW, but then I think to myself how baggers’ can’t be choosers. It’s a free hot meal and who the heck am I to judge? Everyone here seems down to earth, well at least I think and I hope. I am in Gods’ house. How much more could I possibly be protected? With that said, I now know that I AM SAFE. Its scary being here because they all look all doped up on heroine and in a snap of a finger, they’re all out like trout nodding and falling over. But honestly, who am I to criticize? Here I have met some very true individuals and when I decided to call it a night, I gave knuckle love and a guy said to me “power to the people.” I gave him a hug and said “power to all people.” It is now curfew and everyone is in a bed. Walter can always make anything work. While I am laying down in between two people sleeping on cots, I maneuver so I can use the street light to write all this down nice and try to be quite without moving an inch and raising eyes. I am so very aware and now, at this moment, truly I am blessed. Why complain man? “Where’s the party at Walter, Mr. DJ? I tell myself every second of everyday how I just have to make it all happen. I know In Gods’ timing my persistence is going to pay and I will go from rags to riches. After I have spoken to anyone and anything with ears that would listen, they would all say, “WOW Walter, you are going to be rich.” I will be rich with money and materialistic items YES, but as of today, I am the richest man alive. My goal is to strive for excellence. When people tell me NO with my brain injury, I hear “KNOW.” I love dropping all jaws in amazement because all the negative vibes, I turn into Positive lessons. When it’s meant to be, there’s No doubt in my mind that I will have completed my mission. I WILL SUCCEED! Look at today for me: I was jumped and slept in the hospital overnight, then I was brought to a shelter which had no place for me to sleep, and at the end WOW, Lord saves me again. My goal before I’m 20 10 is to have a place to call home. Life is very, very tough for me at this point. Every nano second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month since that day I was dumb and trusted the guy when he said “I AM SOBER, AND YA, I CAN DRIVE.” Goodnight to all and to all, a good night tonight. Plan tonight is to sleep with the Angels in Gods’ house, but I can’t get myself to sleep. It’s scary and tough because they look like mummies. People look to be sleep walking about to go and do a bag, Now, a few seconds later, I most defiantly am going to be the last one asleep since I’m guarding myself and my bag of belongings, which is underwear, mints, and a chrome cross. It’s Friday now and in my head Walter speaks to Walter in front of a crowd of Walters. I ask myself :Walter, do you have one hundred percent faith? If not, get back to me when you open your eyes. God This is what my horoscope said: Moon energy in fellow Earth sign Virgo can upset even a Taurean’s calm stance- not that you would let anyone know. But underneath that cool exterior could be a riled bull. One step at a time is the way to get through this weekend. Don’t put yourself under all sorts of pressure, either, it’s the weekend and it’s time to chill out and recharge the batteries….TO ME, it’s saying for me to have No Worries. As one door slams shut in my face, I know for a fact one will open for me as soon as possible. It’s all in Gods’ timing. As I am dropped from the state assistance, I am able to go and check my mail and in it was a letter stating that I was now accepted and I was now going to start receiving Social Security Disability. First, I’m headed to the state office to get my assistance all up and running. While in line down at the office I was degraded and talked to like a piece of shit. A lady called me a dickhead because I was kneeling down stretching my back and she suddenly cut in front of me saying how I was holding up the line and for her VIP ass, it was too slow. I consider myself to be Hurricane Walter. I got jumped and beat up so I slept at the hospital and now I am trying hard to get food, money and a place to live Now it’s March 5th 2007 I found out today that I can’t go to Florida with Debbie (my old boss from when I painted for her and, Chuck.) After finding out I had a great roundabout with a butterfly. I am hoping and praying I can set up shop in Florida eventually so we can enjoy one another forever, I am stuck still in limbo. My life and shit is all over just like the thoughts flying through my brain. As I walk outside, Mother Nature’s beauty. There’s nasty hail and snow. To me, WOW, it’s beautiful and it’s Free. SEE, inside my brain I see this as the Lord giving me a sign. For what I am wondering? I have no idea. I am lost in the sauce (which means I am running around like a chicken without a head.) THIS TEST I WILL PASS. Bring it Lord, I am ready. Now at a new hotel located somewhere which I can’t remember what town I am in, let alone a lot of other things that keep slipping from my thoughts. I have no idea because I have been walking and searching and looking for answers for a long ass time now. I can’t win. All the maids outside are mad at me. I put all my garbage in a nice and neat metro style. I was getting bitched at. It was only two plastic bags and a broken garbage can. I THOUGHT it was cool. After I had to bounce I threw on my IPOD and started walking to anywhere when I saw JP and I asked the guy I have been calling dad for years if he could please help me. He told me how with all of everything, that he was to busy. Honestly, even now with my TBI, I know for a fact I would have most defiantly remembered that. But I realize with all these heads I thought were my family, how blood is not always thicker than water. Well, so I thought family is there always to help and never to judge. SO I THOUGHT! Hurting for certain psychically and mentally now just rocked and confused, I figure I need to lie on the hard, cold cement to try to straighten my back. While lying on the ground, JP hands me his cell phone to call my step father Dave who also does hardwood floors who is also one of my three dads. Dave E said to me how he can’t and he’s not around. I was thinking having several homes, several cars, an RV, a garage how do you figure that there is absolutely no room? All I needed was a place to lay my head and not have to worry about getting beat up or arrested. So while he was crying me a river and trying to give explanation of him being an asshole, while still talking, I hung up the phone mid sentence. All of this that I have to go through is just a test which is making me stronger. I still have no food, no money, no clothes, nowhere to sleep and I haven’t been able to shower in four days now, but I keep thanking the Lord for being able to make this fight on my own with his assistance every second. Kim is my rock. With me bitching in my head, I think of her. She has Dyslexia and battling that, she is now holding down three jobs. March 10th 2007 by networking last night, I was able to get free burgers. Now @ 6:32 a.m. to me this is so very confusing. HOPEFULLY I am not lost anymore from here on out. I must call Detective A. I only have $20 on me to eat, travel. And contact the proper individuals. My mini me wallet will get it done. Watch! It is great how George Steinbrenner will pay for the funerals for the fire that was near the stadium. That is how the Organization operates. THE NEW YORK YANKEES have nothing but the utmost Respect. March 11th 2007 I have got nowhere to go and I am fucking real scared. I only have the clothes on my back and chrome cross from my old home. I do have .5, I believe if I haven’t lost it in my travels. This is crazy how when I awake, all day I am fighting this tough, aggravating headache and m y spine is right along with my brain pain. I beg for it to stop. Lord I beg of you again to help me in my time of need. March 12th 2007 It’s early in the a.m. and by Networking, the answer at first was NO, but after being me I got a cup of coffee out of the answer no, but I heard KNOW! I am off back to my suite I consider my home. I am creating some goods: Tostitos and chili, I added some hot sauce, salt and pepper. To drink I have Crystal light and after adding tap water, I wonder what honestly is there to bitch about? Early morning and I am getting some great tasting McDonalds for breakfast. While inside reading a paper, I turned to a page that read “Opportunities are seldom and if you are not ready they are gone. “ I am trying everyday to take baby steps out of neutral. I keep praying and believing FLORIDA HERE I COME. I wonder when it’s going to be my time where I am going to be able to do whatever I want, when I want with whom I want. I have been living like that my entire life up to this test. I am so confused... I am lost and scared with no direction. That’s why I am now praying to a man who I can’t see. It’s called Faith. Lord, I will somehow with your power get through this test. I guess all I can do now is leave it in your hands. PLEASE guide me into the right direction towards my goal of happiness. Today is one of my two Godsons Colin’s’ birthday and I wish my Buddy nothing but the best in Florida. I WILL be seeing you soon Colin, Mark My Words, I will be in Orlando Florida by my birthday of this year. Just received a call from Kim and she was pretty upset. She was jumped at work by the 400 pound lesbian bitch. Now my baby doll is in the emergency room in triage with a pinched nerve. I turn on the TV to get all this negative bullshit out of my head and there is an air show from Florida. Two pilots were doing maneuvers when they suddenly crashed and died instantly. WOW, I can’t win. So, I decided to bite into a granola bar and after chewing on it for a bit, I realized that my tooth was also in the mix. March 13th 2007 Brook my sister that married ROBERT BARRY Jr. told me Walter everything that comes in the mail; you have to give it immediately to mommy because you lose it all. Walter, it’s so very important that you give all the mail to mommy and she will give you whatever is yours. I am sorry that you are hurting you have to just buy pasta and I can't come down to help because I have things that I have to do. I have to go see my dad but, I love you so much and I wish you luck. COME TO FIND OUT behind my back, on the DL, they were all pulling scams to save the driver from even getting looked at or in trouble at all, BECAUSE ITS NOT FAIR to Bobby? Robert Barry did this to me, and his now wife, Brook Moryan NOW Brook Barry, was the boss of the entire operation. They were all teaming up against me. I have Jesus and Kim. AND. SO YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ME DOWN BROOK! WHY BROOK? WHY?? ? March 13th 2007 9 a.m. I hate that Kim and I have to fight and break up on every monthly anniversary. So, to clear my head, I decided to go for a walk to the mail box and the payphone to call Social Security They told me that I have to go to an actual office. I asked, and of course there aren’t any in walking distance. So I say to myself inside my head “No Walter, and guess what? In one more day you are evicted. I am thinking that something will get done at my 15th meeting with my now 3rd lawyer JOSEPH D. GRISANTI. I am praying, he seems like a straight up guy who is TRUE. March 13th 2007 I had an important meeting with Middlesex Board of social services but since I was without residence, I wasn't able to go get my food stamps, Then I was going to have to wait till the 2nd which was going to be 2 months with nothing. My files are being updated 11 days after I transfer to a new residence. While going through this test I was told Well Walter it is your fault also. THEY were all kicking me while I was down trying. Still the 13th and I realize when I just chill out with all natural meds how I feel so much better. I get stronger (physically, I can endure more and last longer. This herb gives me good energy. For years I have been stuck back in this state called New Jersey with Drs. saying “What? You smoke pot? U need rehab.” I would just laugh in disbelief saying how when I smoke, my aches and pains go away tremendously. I don’t need a pill, just twist up some of the funky greens. LORD, I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE ON EARTH. Hopefully I am not going to be lost from here on out. Have to call Detective later. Today I fell into shit. I am mini me rock a fella with twenty dollars in my pocket. I am wondering if I should save it on living expenses or if I should waste it on breakfast. Food sounds so good, so dollar menu, here I come. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I just found out that one of my Godsons Colin was born at 8:46 a.m. March 14th 2007 and now its7:12 p.m. My mother Nancy Lee just came in real quick, used the bathroom, and moved all of my everything to Joe Fish’s’ house. I wonder what scam they are all involved in. Now they are all cool and buddy. I am never allowed out and I am forbidden to be around them because I am always in the way being lazy. I AM BETTER OFF ALONE. He’s a fifth degree black belt who got in my face yelling and screaming calling me a scumbag. I would think I have been working for you and lunch is all I walked away with. I still had nothing in my pockets begging for a cigarette. He is always so negative and he thinks all the people at the Legion actually like him. He is that slow. They only pretend to like him so that when machines break down, for a keg of Heineken he will come and fix it and be happy. That was his excuse for not giving me anything for being his assistant. He would say how broke he was. This was one of JP and Dave’s’ friends with property and two jobs. Joe Fish is a very negative soul with nothing but bad intentions. I asked my mother for money so I can get a taste of anything to eat. She said, “What did you do with the money I gave you three days ago?” I practically begged please, so the art of me begging got me a twenty spot. At six after nine the younger generation is so young, dumb, and full of cum. While I was talking to these kids at McDonalds, there is always one wise ass in the bunch. What I mean by that is there is always a wise ass named Walter that’s in the crew to make people smile and just laugh. Whether it was at me or with me, it was all good. All agreed with me but one with what I was saying about how I was stupid and not to be dumb like me ever. No matter what the situation may be. This one smart ass was all about the Benjamin’s and didn’t give a shit about anything besides making that paper. I let my imagination go wild and I designed my fake credit card to look real and if I was still a scumbag I could have given it to the manager, but I am a changed man. Plus the fact, I now have actual green cold, hard cash in my possession so there is no longer for me to show my scars and tell my story just to get something in my stomach. March 15th 2007 now its 5 and I am now in a new home. I am now in some hotel in East Brunswick for two days. I have to go to Social Security tomorrow, then one more night, and I am homeless again. By networking my story I now have beverages and condiments out the ass. Nice job. Just in time right before the storm. I might have an appointment to meet the lady tomorrow where I am supposed to be living as soon as possible March 16th 2007 10:37 a.m. I was fortunate to have a free breakfast. While dining, I met these really nice people from Florida who are up here because their son’s getting married tomorrow Now it’s 3:21 p.m. and I just got off the phone with my Uncle Mark and he assured me that everything will be set up for me in Pennsylvania come Monday. LENA always kept putting a great feeling in my heart. “It’s going to work out Walter.” He repeated to me several times. My life was just starting over with him up there at the time of my accident. Now after 2 years, 3 months, and several days, this great soul is saying how he wants to help me once again. I leave it up in the air in Gods; hands, because people talk and God actually helps. Hurricane Walter is affecting several people in several states. How I wonder? I have to make my boy Deez nuts a priority. I have been trying since he helped me move my stuff out of a very uncomfortable place I had to call home. This is the night that I met DJ Dan at Red Lobster. Mike, just so you know, I would in my lifetime would I ever purposely fuck you over when you where the only cat who was there to assist me in my time of need. He has done everything under the sun for me and Mr. Diaz I THANK YOU. That shitty cell phone company sent me a bill in the amount of one hundred twenty seven and sixty three cents saying they will shut me off if I don’t soon give them payment. I am the one with brain injury and I wonder why when I have been telling them how the phone was a piece and I could barely make any calls, why they never believed me. I NEED TO SOMEHOW GET TO SOCIAL SECURITY Just found out that David T and his secret lover Tony K stole a lot of items from my room. Tony K and David T, I wondered. They both in front of people loved women, but alone, they were into each others’ mouth. While I would work and never get paid because he said to me it was compound interest. He would make stupid remarks like “Brain, shut up, bend over and touch your toes pretty boy. That to me wasn’t a joke. I had to bounce out soon. This day was a tough one and after busting my balls and sweating for nothing, I truly felt like a crack head. It was mad cool, his partner and neighbor Sean knew how I wasn’t getting shit, gave me a bud. I have no idea why. This guy had a great lady, two beautiful kids, but he always had to lie to his wife Maggie and say the reason he smelled like weed was because I was the one smoking and the smoke was from me when I exhaled. I have been trying hard for 2 months. No food, drinks, shelter and I will have nothing for the next two weeks, this I now know. Now 7:46 and by networking, $10 got me a future stars name. This cool older gentleman bought me a few drinks and together we caught a buzz. When he and I left, there was 5.0 everywhere. So, we went back in and by Networking to the bartender I got four expensive drinks for only $2.50 a piece March 17th 2007 and now it’s5:10 p.m. I realize at this moment my next step in life is me putting all these memories together to let the world know about my experience. They all live and survive from the earth with all natural herbs and supplements, and just like my story, it is here to you from the victim and survivor who will now be struggling to keep his head above water trying not to drown in the place we call earth. Here is PROOF. Listen to a Dr and he will tell you the effects and results, PLEASE LISTEN. Now it is 5:54 and I just found out that a medicine man in the Gambia, which is the poorest place in the world, has a cure for AIDS and HIV. It grows from God’s Green Earth, and it’s free. THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA needs to sell it like a pack of cigarettes, except these cigarettes are healthy and don’t kill, THEY HEAL! I helped a Mexican man I was talking to about his back pain and all the pills he was taking on a daily basis. Told him GO GREEN and after he called his boy, when he showed up, I twisted one up right quick, and got my amigo high as a biscuit. He later thanked me and gave me a hug. ONLY three minutes have passed and a reporter on FOX was clawed and scared by a cat in a live report. Now, only six minutes have passed and I most defiantly need to see a Dr. Every single movement my body aches and cracks. I am in constant pain. They say “Walter, you are lucky to be alive, so you have to stop complaining and learn to live with it. 160 thousand troops are in Iraq and may God Bless Their Souls, and give them strength. PLEASE, LORD, I AM BEGGING OF YOU to be with them in a time of need. I have to switch my thoughts around so I decided to call my Otolaryngologist Dr. Joseph Spiegel and left a very detailed message. It was so detailed and so long the machine hung up on me. By remembering that Grandpa said to always look around and you will find money. So while at the vending machine after walking by the ice maker, I decided to look on top for a change. I was rich. I found .17. I was happy like a kid in a candy store. Then, BOOM! The vending machine beat me for one dollar. I walked and left a package at the front desk. As I started walking to my room at the roach motel and neither of my two keys worked. So I went the office and they couldn’t help me unless I showed them my I.D. My wallet was in the room that I am locked out of. The only identification I had was my name tattooed on my left arm. After the correct people were contacted I was then given two new keys. When I was inside my mansion, I needed to get some grub. I needed a bowl for my Ramon noodles so I looked at the ice bucket, and after adding water I now had a five course meal. Now at 9:37 I said goodbye forever to Kim on her sister Tara’s 30th birthday Tara and Kim are the best of friends. Tara practically raised Kim. A lot of what Kim now knows, she gives props to Tara. March 19th 2007 9:32 p.m. No F N lie, while I was at the mall, I was called over by Two Russian girls who wanted my number. So, I wound up taking them back to my hotel room. The 21 year old and I had a strip tease. Her 23 year old friend was looking at me all night with those fuck me eyes. They both striped for me and I gave them a glance at my package of food. I had lobster and crab legs for them to munch on. They both at the same time wanted to chill with me. I wasn’t down with that vibe. I wasn’t putting myself on the menu for tasting because I had my mate in Kim. I am supposed to be hurting and disabled? I am living every mans fantasy. While walking the ladies to the car, some stupid fuck looked me in the eyes and started disrespecting the two beautiful ladies. So, I got in his face asking what the problem was. I was in his face, nose to nose, and the guy, who was now a pussy, walked away. I went inside after the ladies where driving away safe when suddenly outside, I heard some noise. It was beefcake want to be coming all pumped up from Work out World. From all the beverages and treats I gave the ladies the desired gift that they both wanted. It was a fruit by the foot. I came in a found a paper on my pillow that straight up says “I’m Rapunzel! Sweet stache.” The pickup line to me from her was “I lost my phone, so, I lost my number. Can I have yours?” I laughed in her face and said “Sweetie, you have to come at me with a better line of Bullshit than that. But hey, she did try. Now that I am thinking about it, she said at first, “I only have one beer and no money, (she said at first) after I was just being me suddenly money appeared and so did a lot of Corona light. Just found out that it’s going to be one more day I am stuck here with nothing Now 10:05 and I believe I am moving to Pennsylvania. WATCH OUT Hurricane Walter’s coming to down. Bad luck just seems to follow. March 20th 2007 and I had to walk across the street and get a card at Express so I can get my baby doll clothes as needed and just to be able to get her clothes at the drop of a dime as something suddenly pops up and she’s without money. That’s when I can feel like a man again. March 21st 2007 and it’s in the afternoon sometime. I kill everyone I meet or know with kindness. I know that out of all this craziness and confusion that I will be getting the last laugh. Lord watches over me while I cross the major highway to get some clothes. THANK YOU. March 21st 2007 I’ll be homeless in a few hours again, LORD PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE. 10:11 a.m. I just got the word that I’m moving to Pennsylvania again. See how crazy and confusing it is. It shouldn’t be this hard at all. Nancy had to meet with this lady Brook Barry. This was Brook Moryan my sister until she married the devil and became Brook Barry. She’s making it seem like she’s helping me tremendously. She hasn’t been doing nearly half of what she says. She bought me a pair of socks, Robert bummed a few cigarettes from me and she now has a coupon for March 22nd 2007 I have nobody, so I talk to the spirit in the sky. I pray and try everyday to stay strong and positive. No answers from anywhere. I keep thinking that if I survived death and come back to life Alive, there are no worries. I am Alive and finally able to be alone and now taking care of myself fighting through all these trials and tribulations. March 23rd 2007 @2:03 I called my mom and she can’t talk now because Joe’s cutting the grass and she can’t hear me but she said she will be up here later to give me money. I THINK that is her answer to my problems. It’s not that simple of a solution for me. At 11 p.m. yelled at by my immigrant house keeper that I now have to check out. I explain to her that I just moved in for the night that I haven’t been here. I am hurtin for certain, but I keep telling myself how blessed I am to be able to go through these minor problems. THANK YOU TO our Lord, my father and Grandpa and to all the Angels that assisted in my recovery. EVERYDAY I PRAY AND EVERYDAY I TRY TO STAY POSITIVE. I do try 24 7. I just heard that16-1 troops with TBI who aren’t getting them the help they need and deserve. Save our troops. Why is it that we can’t help those strong souls in a time of need? They are putting it all on the line and we shouldn’t be saying Fuck You to them in their time of need, AT ALL. HONESTLY, WE NEED TO ASSIST OUR SOLDIERS IN ANYWAY POSSIBLE. I have learned how to fit 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound wet paper bag. I am a firm believer that my persistence will pay. I ‘m praying in the future I can look back at all of this and be thankful for my daily test and learning experience. By NETWORKING I just received three beverages for six dollars. Left two and change for a tip. While there, I met an old classmate from middle school and when I was walking out the door, I met another classmate from high school. While walking the street seeing friends, their friends (two ladies) invited me to their timeshare in Florida. They are going to Orlando, of all places. All of this is so very confusing to me. I am scared and have no idea what to do. March 23rd and to me, this is all a countdown to my future. Where am I going to go and how am I going to get there, I have no idea. God, I leave it in your hands. I ask you: do I stand on my own two feet and get through life using my own judgments and capabilities? I am scared. I found out that I have no lawsuits but THANFULLY the insurance is going to give the Drs. The money that is owed for saving my life. I owe from $1.00 for a shot to $500,000 for an operation. I never want to ever see a penny. I want for the Drs. to get paid and for both BROOK and ROBERT BARRY to get what they deserve for being scumbags pulling scams and acting like they actually give a shit about anything other than keeping clues and paperwork hidden from keeping ROBERT BARRY from even getting a slap on the wrist. I know it was an accident and to this day I wonder why I have both families laughing at me saying “Stop being lazy Walter. Go get a job so you can stop complaining. I have been given fake lawyers, and to my face, nothing but lies and misdirection. BROOK and ROBERT BARRY are worried about money and Robert from getting three hots and a cot. That to me is FUNNY. They are worried about minor things and without anything at all, I am worried about what I’m going to do tomorrow. I have never been lost in the last 14 years of my life. But now, I have to live one nano second to one year at a time. I thank my two angels, my Best friend Grandpa and my father Walt. Again, now I have faith, how could I not? They both came down from above and said to me how it wasn’t my time. I don’t hate, now I appreciate my life on a daily basis. No longer do I want to resort to negativity. Why waste your brain cells? So, to feel better, I walked and mailed a package to my godson Colin in Florida. After I chill and am a naturalists with fresh herbs, fruits and vegetables that grow from earth, my mind and body feel better. Yup. Mark my words that everyone will get what they deserve in Gods’ timing. Don’t hate, appreciate. Be thankful that you were able to wake up and open your eyes. Hey, you are alive right? It could’ve always been worse. It could’ve been your time and you didn’t awake. Now, 9:56 p.m. and by Networking, I got a cross, met up with my bud, got a new phone, and when leaving picked up a few beautiful ladies digits. If I wanted to give those ladies a night out with Walter, it would be all good, but there are other things in life for me to conquer. Time is of the essence. There will be a Vigil at ground zero out of remembrance and respect. At this moment, my cross is priceless to me having my birthstone diamonds in the center. Music to me is everything. Music is the answer. Its funny how when I was in my coma, the Drs, told my mother “SSH, be quite, Walters’ brain can’t handle the noise.” My mother, when she went home told my sister Lauren what the Drs. told her she can’t do to me, her son, while she is there. She bugged out and said “Walter needs his music.” The next day my mother brought in my beats. In due time, I was told nurses and Drs would start dancing their asses off when entering my room. That is my type of galaxy, smiles and Positive vibes. Just got another bill from amp’d and it was saying I have a Delinquent past or present credit obligations. I told them from day one when I bought my Razor how the service sucked and I was coming in for a total refund. March 26th 2007 and Kim is coming by to talk in a little while. It’s funny. I have in hand a contract signed by the both of us on 3-19-2007 @12:04 saying Arcadia for now. WE ARE MATES, I BELIEVE. March 27, 2007 Today, Grandpa for 5 years and for me it’s been 2 years and 4 months. March 29th and I won game two of the final table at a Texas Hold’ Tournament. I feel like a kid in a candy store happy as a pig in shit. April 1st 2007 now 10:08 p.m. I have seafood in my fridge, but it’s going to taste like shit because Kim and I went sour and both said “no more, a.k.a. we are done with us.” It SUCKS. I had the utmost respect for that young lady and she did for me. I tell myself, APRIL FOOLS. Walter finally wake up because this is all a dream. Never, even if she asked would I go into her purse if she asked for something. I would hand the bag she was asking for to her. She on the other hand went through my wallet, phone, and diary I wonder why anyone would spend 17 months with someone who they didn’t trust and couldn’t be without. I wonder why? 6 in one hand and a half of dozen in the other, I guess. Kim needs to listen to her x for 7 years Fabian about relationships. I did chill with Fabian several times. He seems like a true down to earth guy. I found out that when Kim and I first got together, she cheated on me and had sex with Fabian. At first, she was done and I didn’t need her. Call me crazy, but it was love between them, and I don’t know why but now, I have trust. April 2nd 2007 Lord thank you for this day and please watch over me while I attempt to sleep. Once again the Lord watches over me while I sleep. I want to be free like a bird chilling over the sea with no worries, just peace I now have my ability to function with normal reality, well, I believe. I am the richest man in the world now being broke that I found you. My third lawyer is cool as heck. He knows how I am homeless and told me to call everyone and their mother and give them his address so I can get actually get my mail. He sent to my hotel room two Social Security letters as long as two other pieces of mail that came to his office for me. One piece of mail for me was a bill from CentraState of all places in the amount of one thousand five hundred and twenty nine dollars. That hospital keeps haunting me. I told them in detail my shitty situation and they keep hounding me for their money that I don’t have and I can’t get. April 3rd and it is only twelve twenty in the afternoon and I walked across the busy ass highway to return all the broken materialistic shit and it is funny because after doing so, I am still stuck with my phone and it still doesn’t work. Lately I have been dealing with two phones that are both pieces of shit. I now have been referring to myself as hurricane Walter because I don’t ask for it, and I most defiantly don’t want it, but yet this crazy ass shit just so seems to land absolutely perfect in my lap. At the mall networking my ass off, this cool ass cat Will hooked me up with a foot long sub for free. He said to me since it only cost him twenty eight cents, it was all good and now it was mine to enjoy. Good looking out will I said while giving him knuckle love while getting ready to go and eat. Now home at my hotel and full after enjoying a free foot long sub, I decided to call Middlesex County to try and assist in getting the ball going with regards to my Social Security claim. I have been calling repeatedly and the recording tells me to continue to hold on just a little bit longer. Its now twenty minutes later and it now says how there are closed. I believe my Social security check will be sent out to me tomorrow. While this is all going on, The New Jersey State Police just called this phone that I haven’t been able to get to work at all and asked for a guy named Tim. I assured the Officer that there was no one by the name of Tim at this number or at this residence. Afterwards, I called another number regarding my Social Security. I figure how my stubbornness and persistence will all pay off in the long run. There is a plethora of individuals that I need to speak through regarding al the craziness that is now going on in my life. If I can just get out of neutral and take a slow easy trip, I will be happy with that. This is all so crazy to me how I need to speak and they are all away from their desks busy living their own normal lives. This is all building up on the inside and I now need to waddle to the bathroom and drop the kids off at the pool. See there I go again thinking about others. I am all about the next generation learning from my stupidity. I plan on letting my kids dive, swim and have fun through life. That’s if I decide to have any. I am the eldest of all my sisters, cousins; I am the old man and I just want the best for all the young. April 4th 2007 and I wonder why everyone looks at me funny when instead of saying For, I hold up four fingers. Everyone says to me, “Walter, stop saying that you have TBI. You are fine. Just look at you. You can talk, walk and stop being a lazy bitch and go get a job.” Using this herb that grows from earth leaves me so comfortable with practically no pain and I don’t think about anything but good times and good things. I can actually smile with joy and just chill out and enjoy my life in my damaged body. April 4th 2007 maybe when I awake my life will be different today, and I will be able to do something for myself. 11:23pm MANANA, a new day I prayed to the Lord wait not ready yet by networking I have got jambalaya and my life is so horrible if you believe that, I will sell you ten pounds of shit in a five pound wet paper bag. April 7th 2007 at 4:33 a.m. and with everything going on, I haven’t been able to get sleep for days now. My mind and body are always in constant pain and I am so very worried and just want to get better. But, I do have the Lord and the ability to fight for survival on a daily basis. I thank you Lord for this function and this ability. It’s the same day, 12 hours later at 4:31p.m. and I have to go outside and stretch my aching body and I can’t wait because it’s snowing outside My goal is to go to a Texas Hold em Tournament on April 28 which is the day before my birthday. I am now at this word 29 on the 29th and in a few hours I will be 30 on the 30th. Numbers now trip me out and make me want to do cog native Therapy to make my damaged brain stronger. I REALIZE NOW that I have been Networking for survival and we will soon see if AND HOW it is going to pay off. I am praying that my prayers do and will get answered. Now it’s still the 7th at 9:44 p.m. and for dinner I am having lobster that’s delicious from Red Lobster April 10th 2007 and today finally having money, I had to go crazy. I bought a few YANKEES jerseys and a few hats. Two YANKEES and being that I plan on moving to Florida sometime soon, I had to get a Florida Gators hat. Rutgers is my team of course since growing up in Jersey but I am not really that interested, but in Florida football is a religion. I wonder what all of the Floridians are going to say when I am sporting NEW York Yankees and New York Giants gear to show how I got nothing but love for the two amazing teams. A few days later and my boy DEEZ picked me up and we both went to the food store. I was walking through when suddenly right there in front of my face in the middle of the isle my dreams and all I have ever imagined was right there in front of my face. I saw a baseball which was a TV and it was about thirteen inches and on the back of it read New York Yankees and right next to it was a phat ass silver surround sound. Mike was laughing at me saying “Walter, you don’t have a home to put all this stuff in, but yet, you have to have it. Why?” I said to him how I have got big plans and eventually it will be in my house when I am able to bounce to Florida. I am always thinking ahead so I just want to be prepared when my dream becomes a reality. April 16th and now only thirteen days until I turn twenty ten. It is a State of Emergency because everything is flooded. And because of the emergency, court was cancelled for Kim due to a traffic ticket. This today is a record for the second largest rainfall ever. It’s really crazy and funny how Kim’s’ number is thirteen and all this craziness just so happens to be thirteen days away from my birthday. If that is important I have no idea. Now I am a number freak, great at Math, so I think. April 16th and while I was watching one of the best shows ever, The Price is Right, the two blondes at the end both overbid and lost. While they were walking away, they were both smiling and laughing. April 16th 2007 and amp’d has sent me another bill, and this one is in the amount of one hundred fifty one dollars and seventy one cents. How and why are they thinking they can get any money from me after selling me a cool ass looking phone that didn’t even work from day one when I bought it at the mall? By networking I now have several options in several counties and after four twenty nine I will finally get my Social Security and I realize how I am still not going to be able to live daily and be considered to be living correctly. As my Social Security check comes in, it will get cashed and be sent out as soon as it hit my hands. It would be nice if I could actually use some of the money because it would be great to be able to have a place to live and I place that I can call home. As always the beats are on and as I am digging the music. I figure it’s time to blaze. No pills and no narcotics. Just go green with the wacky tobacco that takes care of all my worries. I have a grip on reality at least at this moment soon after. Now I can go to jail for what I just did, but why I wonder? I healed myself naturally. Honestly, I am still in agonizing pain and I really need my body looked at from head to toe. Then hopefully I will be able to survive through this level of my test through life. I have to know now that I will no longer be working seven ten hour days, no doubles, and no more over time. As of now, I think I can. Maybe in the future I can do a few hours a few days a week. I have been trembling like a crack head all day and I just puked. Why you might ask? I have no idea. I believe they are called nerves. I am not dwelling on what just happened because it was a negative experience. Only chipper type shit flows through this brain. Bugging out like I am, I am trapped here, stuck like I am in prison. I can’t leave because my key doesn’t work Watching TV; it said that the governors’ limo was going ninety one miles an hour. That sucks and I have prayed for him, and on top of that, there was a shooting at Virginia Tech and it wound up to be the deadliest shooting in U.S. History. April 18th and I touched base with ABC to promote my story April 20th at four twenty four at night and I am going through whatever was left to me that wasn’t stolen by the big fat guy David T and his butt buddy, JPs son, Tony k. Trying to give myself a haircut to get rid of all this rotten energy that’s just piling up on my plate. I found the back to my clipper and of course, now that I found the main piece that I needed, the buzzer is about to die. A funny thought came to my head just now. When Kim and I were in the car and we were stuck at a light, I beeped the horn and asked the guy next to us to please roll down his window. When he did, I asked him, “Excuse me sir, do you know where there is a dollar store that sells cheese steaks?” He jaw dropped and he was totally dumbfounded by my question. When the light turned green we left and I waived. Kim said to me how that was very inappropriate. I saw no harm in it because I was just asking a simple question. I thought it was so simple. After a lady won on Wheel of Fortune, she invited Pat with her to St. Croix. This sucks because today there was a water main break outside of a place called Hartwick. That place is one of the sites that Dr. McCagg works at and I am praying that everyone will walk away. Now it’s another day and I have the ladies calling me to see if they want me to have them come and clean my room. When I said yes, the boss is going to send that young lady that adores me, so we will see the deelio. Tuesday April 24th and I am getting all cleaned up with a broken ass buzzer that is only doing bits and pieces. APRIL 29th, my 30th birthday today and I am trying to still be and learning how to become a very respectful young man so I gave the young lady a little something for making my place a nice, clean place to lay my head. It was just my life savings and all the change that I had in my possession. To me it wasn’t much, but she thanked me and we both smiled while I was saying to her “Hey, every little bit counts.” Soon I will be leaving to go to the Rain Forest Café for her niece Cameron’s birthday that just so happens to be in the town that I was born in. On my birthday I am going home to my old stomping grounds. We had a kick ass time and that’s only because we sat with the birthday girl and all the kids at the kids table. I would from this point on always sit and be able to chill with the kids. They are real and don’t have to bother with all the materialistic things the adult table was bitching and complaining about. We just laughed, ate, told jokes, and together we are all in smiles in appreciation. Now after leaving we are on my way to a meeting with people that I know are going to ruin my day. It truly sucks that the people who will ruin my good time call themselves my family. Today is my birthday, but my Buddy Lauren is having her sweet sixteen and I will not let anything or anyone ruin this day for neither her nor I. My plan is to kill everyone with kindness and just smile for the guests. I while working the crowd, made a complete gentleman of myself. After all, it was a very special day for my favorite sister of them all. I grew up with her and she grew up right in front of my eyes. From her being a newborn baby, to now watching her become a little, young, beautiful lady at her ball. Yes she is my sister, but yes, all that I said about her is one hundred percent. She’s a complete package. She is smart, beautiful, respectful and so very ahead of her age. She has the skills that will pay the bills. She has got drive and is going places. While I kept circling the room several times not one person from Roberts’s family even said “hi” or even one word at all. I to this day, my birthday and her party that they are all at, I wonder why they are all being rude giving me the cold shoulder? Why am I the one that’s being treated like a piece of shit when I wasn’t the one who was driving? It was their son Robert Barry Jr. and when I see him, to this day, I give him cigarettes and give him a hug. I do know that it was an accident and Robert didn’t mean to do it, so why were his and my families pointing the finger at me saying how it is just as much my fault as it was Roberts. I was the only one who was injured at all. He still has a life with a job, a car, and a place to call home as he is living the same exact healthy life he did prior to the accident. And he is a rich man being in my sisters company. She and I were best friends, and she chose to be with that negative soul. He parties and hangs with the devil. I need to get far, far away and start my own life over in the beautiful state of Florida. April 11th 2007 I just realized how dumb and funny I must have sounded when I told my Buddy Deez Nuts how fucked up everybody is because they all make me broken promises. I am now laughing my ass off as I jot down my memories of my fun trial through life Truly; I am so content with my life at this moment even with my body aching inside and out. I tell myself how I need to stay away from Kim because she has people leaving me threatening messages saying how I am an asshole and they are going to fuck me up when if they ever see me. I am soon to the next level of life and Walter, Happy Friday the 13th. Although I haven’t slept in days, Lord I thank you for this day. When walking to Denny’s for breakfast it feels like a ghost town because besides me I am the only person out and about at this moment. Wonder what this day has in store for me already having my first dilemma. I can’t wait for Red Lobster to open. Realize how in my name first, middle, and last equal 666. I am trying to be strong and balanced enough to get in the shower, but I am scared of slipping and falling. I was so lucky because I was able to leave Red Lobster with a great appetizer. I am trying to be as normal as the average bear Yogi. My bill was $14.45 and I made it twenty total. I would have left more if I had some direction in my chaotic life. While I am sitting in my room I am wondering why Kim has been so hardcore and such a rotten bitch to me? And I thought I wanted to settle with her and actually start a family with her. I wonder why? To forget about all of this bullshit, I decided to catch up with an all natural pain relieving strawberry herb that grows from Gods’ green earth, so then I will be able to smile and chill out. April 15th 2007 at 5:48 a.m. and Brook and Bobby are so very persistent about me going and staying with them. I wonder what they have planned now up their sleeves. Now 10 a.m. and when I opened my eyes I realize it’s time to smoke some bu bonic chronic, why not right? Kim for the longest would politely say to me Walter you are having a good time right? I would say ya, no doubt, when hanging with those beautiful ladies, I feel as if I am o.k. and that truly, at least for that day, I have no worries. Kim would ask me, "Walter have you showered lately?" I would stop what I was doing and really think. Wow it was like 3 days since I got cleaned up. Truly I, smelled like shit. I was so focused on having a good time that I forget to worry about me, even still to this day, but I keep trying second to second, minute to minute, and day to day. I never boast about tomorrow, for I never know what a day might bring forth. THIS IS WHAT I was thinking and going through. I decide to play games to work the Cognitive part of my brain and who am I in the final with, MILTON, of all people, that’s Kim’s father’s name. WOW, to me, that’s really him saying hi, TAKE CARE OF MY DAUGHTER. There’s no doubt I will do my all to make her happy SIR. ? ? ? I THINK I hear my name being called and turn around and say to leave me alone. It was my waitress at Denny’s who told me how I never paid. She told me “the receipt that I filled out wasn’t the real one. SO, back in I went laughing with cash in hand APOLIGIZING LISTEN I am living everyman’s fantasy. I have a 25 year old and her friend who is at least three years younger Chilin in my hotel room having drinks, taking layers off to be comfortable. No touching went on, we were all just looking, showing and imagining. IT CAN BE DONE, but I say there’s no need to indulge into Negativity. As like clockwork, beats on while now watching an injured dinosaur on Discovery. Natural meds, not pills, some tap water and at this moment there is nothing wrong with my life. I am at peace now. To me, it’s a trip how I lived at Christ Church from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. and I will always remember what it was, but now, it is what it is, David Lee is on singing Damn Good Times/ April 17th 2007 and when I was at Red Lobster people all talk the talk, but yet, they can’t and don’t walk the walk. See to me that is a broken promise. If you can’t say no, I can’t rather than yes I can. There’s no doubt in my mind. It’s called BE REAL. With having my extra sense, I am now more driven and motivated with knowledge and power. I do realize time is of the essence and I realize that I need to shut the fuck up and just listen. I say to myself “Walter if they are not talking to you, don’t initiate. Just sit back and appreciate like SARAH MCCLOCKLIN said ENJOY THE SILENCE. My night is going to end here at Denny’s at the counter all by myself. Everyone working here is nice as hack and cool like ice. Now I am learning a free lesson in how to get through life. ITS FREE, IT’S CALLED FAITH. April 21st and it is now eight forty three in th morning and I am up making myself a collage of things I soon need to conquer. #1 Florida #2 Apartment on the water #3 write a book I shall have whatever I say May 2nd and at 8:30 and I realize how much I really love music. I am downloading Floyd while watching American Idol using Dark Side of the Moon as Kim’s’ alarm clock. I am getting now a Positive vibe on how I am going to make my life and world flow again. Funny how out of all the songs I have been trying to get, Brain Damage is the only one I can’t get, of course. Being that I actually have brain damage, I feel as if this is a laugh and a test. My attitude on winning will carry me through. May 3rd 2007 and now I am waiting for Kim at 6:49 to get out of her last final. How chill is that? Our final goodbye to New Jersey and the beats that are on is a tight song called “Follow Me.” As I am following her, when she’s down, she will be following me to Orlando Florida to start living our dreams and turning them into reality. I feel as if I have shit on my face because guys and girls keep staring at me like I have three eyes. I see them looking, and I look away. I met my mate in Kim, I think and believe I want to say to the guys looking at me that I am not strictly dickly. I am hooked on a woman’s’ body. Her curves, smell and smile make me love her more by the minute. There’s something about this little girl that has me hooked like drugs and I pray that I am going into the right direction. Grant it, it is eighteen hundred miles away, but so be it. When I see her I think how I can love her too forever until the day when we both die together Any one reading this, Always remember what you say to anyone. For me being a TBI patient, all that shit sticks like glue. It all gets stuck like glue in my strong, absent minded noggin. But Dr. Caroline Mccagg at JFK made me realize with my damaged brain that I am alive and stronger with life. May 19th and today Kim and I were so very blessed and together we signed a one year lease agreement for our first apartment ever. Each of us has never been able to take care of ourselves without somebody assisting. It’s a trip how after everyone doubted us, it was simple for her and I to just pack up a u-haul and a trailer for her car and move eighteen hundred miles. With nothing but our Positive outlook on life, we knew that being hard headed and driven, that we would find a place to call home eventually. Something doesn’t seem right with this place because during our walk through, the only problem that we had to write down was a broken screen door May 20th 2007 and now it’s @ 7:30 p.m. I was the last one at Social Security. I had to unlock the doors while there was some dude looking at me saying “are you here for your passport?” In my head I was laughing my ass off thinking “Walter, be cool man, this is your last shot at Social Security so chill and maybe you can eat some food today. My case worker was a true YANKEE fan and I had het in tears laughing her butt off when I said “bUCK Foston.” Before I went into the office, I was Fortunate enough to have a conversation with a gentleman who just got back from Iraq, and he was having a very hard time because New Jersey had messed up. He has a problem with his brain from the chaos and from all the body parts he was picking up daily. Wow, I wish ALL of our AMERICAN TROOPS the best out of life for them and all the families. After these problems kept happening and ruining our personal belongings, I decided to take a walk through of our damaged apartment and make a very detailed list of all the numerous problems and hand it to the manager so she get fix this bullshit of a brand new apartment. *Brand new white carpet has a black, dirty, smelly scent since day one *People have been in this place since day one doing repairs (thought it was brand new?) *We haven’t had any hot water since day one and Kim couldn’t shower for her first day at work *The used hot water heater broke and flooded three rooms, while burning my feet *Washing machine vibrated against our closet door locking us out and it also burnt the footings to the carpet while putting holes in the wall * The refrigerator keeps rolling into our dining room *The entire back door is cracked and broken and even the screen isn’t on track *Several windows are cracked and/or broken and none of our windows lock Here is a little note just to insert later explaining the Aftermath. Back in New Jersey, I had nothing, nowhere and nobody. Today, In Gods Timing, I woke up in my bedroom, went to my spare bedroom and turned on my notebook computer put together by a soldier of the Air Force, MY Uncle Dave. People need to realize by what you just read, that you don't always get what you want, but you get what you need, AND DESERVE. When you find JESUS and leave it all in his hands, he will see to it that In His Timing the impossible, what was unimaginable and obtainable has now fallen in your lap with many other blessings that God has tested you and given to you to see how you will handle it when the balls in your court. I'M IN THE BOOK GOD Since Kim and I saw that billboard and decided to Pray and give props to God, she and I have been conquering the impossible. In New Jersey after working for this cool cat Ruben waiting tables at Frankie’s Cafe she had that chipper, friendly, beep beep attitude and a few Drs. were there and asked her if she would be interested in being a Dental Assistant? So, in a nutshell, Four years and several 5 Star offices, now in Florida as a highly qualified E F D A expanded functions dental assistant, the difference now is She’s certified to do child profiles, do the zoom, and take X-RAYS Anywhere in the entire state of Florida. She has given it up to God; all that she ever imagined is right in front of her. Next, you have to remember that it’s slim to none that you will never find a job that you truly like. LISTEN, you are getting paid to be someone you’re not for 8 plus hours and in the brunt of it all, you have to THINK FIRST. That to me is the way I want to act, and think how with me saying IS IT really worth losing that paycheck that I need so bad? That’s when You Suck It up Buttercup, put on your galoshes and walk through the shit.. No lies, I had that job also. I was a plumber for a hot minute, and in the middle of the summer, I assisted a driver going around vacuuming out all the portable bathrooms that were in need of drainage from all the job sites. And at my friends house Meredith, her parents paid me to walk around two and a half acres of land and poopers scoop all the land minds. And with that information you can say that I actually did shovel SHIT for a living. It might have just been for a day or two, but I did now have money in my pocket for work performed I took myself of all drugs. I have to live with this pain daily because if I was chosen, I believe that I can get through life without any narcotics and for me there’s no need. It's my brain injury that makes it all fuzzy. I'm not really by anything, I know nobody and I'm willing and able but yet, I am so very limited to my abilities, BUT Blessings come every day when you pray. Another Example, when I lived in my first apt in Orlando recently they didn't believe that I was truly Disabled. They were full of Negative Energy and the devil was taken money from me. So, I Prayed and asked God for guidance, and now HUD and Human Resources are involved. I have on my side THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA helping me to confirm my Disability, Social Security, and The Brain Injury Association of Florida. And wait, there’s more, I met you, and the Best I BELIEVE, the driver of my accident is now this month attending court and it’s not me against him, it’s the State of New Jersey, VS. So this would have to be an example of the over abundance that God gives to you when you give Praise. I am full of Life and with God All Things Are Possible. 4 having TBI I know a little about A L O T God sent us all here to work together and we all are going to live the lifestyle of Praise She and I were talking about when money isn't an issue, we both want to tour the country speeding A Positive Message on how since her and I packed up her room and my hotel room into a U-haul towing her Saturn with Nothing, Nowhere, and no idea where and what we were going to do, in North Carolina, I said" Kim, look out the window. The Billboard read I'm in the book GOD. At that moment, she and I prayed to God and prayed God, please give us direction and be with us for we are with you. Lord, please, we beg of you. Point us in the right direction...........Soon it will be. I shall have whatever I say, this I know and guarantee myself. May 31st and its really crazy how all these book companies want me to fill out a brochure and I think honestly if I have to keep begging these companies to help get my story out to save lives, I think I want to stop bugging and chill until I get a sigh and know its my time to shine. But you know me, I will not take no for an answer. I strive to take Know for the final answer. If I am still here, my goal is to have my voice heard. Now I am asking myself how bad is my life really? As I open the freezer, I see seafood, steak, garlic and onions so I am going to stop writing and try to become a creative individual over the stove and grill. At least I will try my balls off cooking to make my love smile with satisfaction. June 10th and I walked over the office and handed them my electric bill. I told them since I had no screens and my only option was to run the AC twenty four seven and I even have those little lizards running through the two inch gap in my front door, that my bill should be paid by them. At first they said “no way.” After me being me and bitching and complaining they had no option but to pay our electric bill. Do you see how positive persistence and the correct way to use your vocabulary will get you exactly what you are looking for? The manager Michelle wanted to know how Kim and I thought we needed to be compensated for all the reoccurring problems that we have been encountering daily. I said to her how when we moved in the promotion was one hundred off for the first six months and honestly, the least she could do was give us one hundred off for the entire year of our lease. So, she agreed and printed out the adjustment to our contract. It was signed and dated by her so I thought that is also a binding contract. June 14th she walked over the new adjustment and said to me “here, is that cool Walter?” I said “yes and thank you Michelle.” June 27th and today is thirty one months for me to the day of my new beginning at a brand new, better life. I noticed this as I was hanging up my cell phone finalizing everything to get the two of my Godsons’ life insurance. June 29th 2007 and I am hoping and praying that when we get our electric bill that our apartment complex will pay the total bill. Since we don’t have any screens on our brand new, never lived in apartment, Kim and myself have no other option but to run our air conditioning twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. How can I being disabled be held responsible? I know how to build a house and I know for a fact that there are defiantly code violations with our new place that she and I now call home. I have had Code Enforcement, Orlando Police, and Orlando appraisers here to assist me. Since, I know for a fact one hundred and fifty percent that I am right, I honestly believe it’s the American way that since they haven’t followed the rules, regulations and guidelines that they should have to pay and be penalized for the unlawful lies and disrespect they try to pull over our American eyes to make that o mighty American dollar bill. I have realized after becoming disabled how to just know the laws and make sure you are always keeping a paper trail so that way when somebody comes up to you and calls you a liar, BOOM. I got proof mother fucker, what now bitch? The proof is in the pudding as the assholes face just so happens to drop to the ground in astonishment and disbelief. Just found out from someone why I was walking the streets that a duck cannot walk without bobbing its head. It may seem useless to know, but for me trying to get through life, I feel as if though I just got schooled for free. I have realized God sent me Bach here with a power. MIND OVER MATTER AMEN. June 30th and I realize I am an American with rights and how there are agencies out there to assist when people are in need. So, I wrote a letter (complaint) to The Better Business Bureau 4th of July and between us both for last month we made $1,000.00. It really isn’t that bad considering we have one another that are full of ambition and motivation. Today we are now living in Orange County inside of Orlando Florida. July 4th and I am wondering about this place we are now calling home because many problems have happened daily and none of them were our fault at all. They lied to us. They said that Kim and I will be the first tenants to live in this brand new apartment. Walking back from the store I noticed that the American flag was ripped. We were now living in little Havana and it is total disrespect that our colors be flown and shown in that state. So me being me, a proud American, I went into the office and bitched and complained for them to change the flag. By the end of the day there was suddenly a knock at the door. When I opened, there was some dude waving the ripped flag in my face saying to me something in Spanish. I said to him “sir, me no understand Spanish.” He turned around mad, and stomped his feet while leaving. July 7th 2007 =777 and I am alive with life and energy. Kim was saying how leaving our house on her way to work how she wasn’t going to make anything at work from waiting tables at Bennigans. July 10th and in the mail today I got a response to the complaint that I filed with The Better Business Bureau stating the company that I made the complaint against is outside of the service area so they forwarded my case to an agency that’s around me that deals with this area. These non American illegal immigrants here are like cock roaches that only come out in packs and deep into the night. They are never out and they never complain. With fifteen or so deep in a one bedroom, they follow the rules and I am sure they are scared of being deported every day. Some of the determined, hard up with nothing to lose illegal immigrant always are standing out in front of the gas station at the corner of Stonewell Jackson and Semeron blvd (436) asking and begging for work and money. July 11th and I now received a letter from HUD U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT stating how they are going to review my correspondence and contact me directly in the next thirty days July 14th 2007 and I dropped off two store bought New York Cheesecake slices to an older couple that I happen to meet while walking to the mailbox. Eventually after seeing the cute ass couple for a few weeks and months, I felt at ease like I was at a place I liked to call home. They made me feel like I was family. I would hang in their house, borrow stamps, and just talk and laugh. I considered them to be my long lost Florida grandparents. Of course I had to tell them my story when they asked how I got all of my scars. And while leaving the house while both of their jaws where flat on the ground, I asked them to both please pray for me so I can eventually get out of this negative experience and join the world while smiling with happiness. July 16th 2007 and it is now ten twenty nine at night and she and I decide to make a pineapple as our centerpiece for our dining room table. We figure why can’t we live the lavish lifestyle and just wile out and enjoy this next step through life here in Orlando Florida, beating all the odds and negative energy from our families that we both endured while trying to be together as a one. We both agreed and we both said fuck you to both of our families. We loved each other and we both at that moment knew how this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Kim and I conquered everything that was against us and together as a team, we went against all odds that were trapping us both with our backs solid against the wall back in New Jersey. She and I are finally free after a lifelong trapped childhood being raised under mommies’ wings. In a few days I have to go to Social Security and I am really, really nervous and scared. I have been trying to do the best I can at this disabled lifestyle and I hope that something didn’t mysteriously pop up. When I awoke, there was a note on the table from Kim which read: Baby, please read over this very carefully. Call me tonight and we will go over it together. Please. I only want to get you what you deserve. I love you and am so proud of you. I will miss you baby. Hug, kiss, hug, kiss Love your K I haven’t really talked to Brook since she married the driver Robert Barry Jr. and out of the blue she sent me a text that said this: Mommy is doing what she’s always been doing; abusing pills and drinking she’s getting bad she doesn’t care what happens to her I haven’t talked to her in two months Idk bout Jesi but her and mom hang out together so I can only imagine. *She got fired from her job at Laurens’ school Lauren was so embarrassed she kept falling asleep because she was so fucked up on pills she w/ some guy she met at a campground I’ve never seen him Now 1:42 * hey I wanted to ask u something the attorney in bobby’s’ case wanted to know if you would write a letter stating that you are alright with bobby just getting probation. I would really appreciate it. If anything else happened to him I wouldn’t be able to live here with the baby because I’m not working and it’s not fair to the baby. But if you can just write a letter saying how you feel and mail it to me you can write whatever you want . . . July 20, 3:04 p.m. July 31st a Kim wrote me this note seal with her kiss. It’s cut to see her little ass lips. It reads: Walter, I love you sooooo much. Thank you for being my rock. I am so happy here in our home in Florida. See you soon. I love you soooooo much. Love K hug kiss hug kiss August 2nd 2007 6:17 pm just before I saw a guy next to a wheelchair with a sign that read “Please help me.” I said “you bro, you need to come here,” He then got up and walked over to my window. I said to him “bro I saw you standing in the middle of the street a few days ago and now you are in a wheelchair. Why and how dumb do you think our society is man?” And at that moment, this guy became deaf and couldn’t hear what I was saying. As he was looking dumbfounded in my direction, I drove away as soon as I could. I now realize how he and all his partners have a nice side business going. They take turns and work shifts standing at major intersections playing homeless while begging for these free hand outs. If our society is that wealthy and can afford to give their hard earned money away, so be it. We will be headed for a depression if we keep rapidly squandering our finances like this. August 6th and now there are weapons missing over in Iraq. Here we are with our brave soldiers at war trying to make the world a better place and now this bullshit. I feel as if we are in a losing battle. We really needs to bring those strong souls home safe and with their loved ones. I came home to another letter on my doorknob, but this letter was va letter to help with these assholes. It gave an officer’s name and personal cell phone number telling me to give him a call. August 13th and today I spoke with a nice woman from HUD and she gave me some contact information needed to assist with my housing discrimination case. Anyone who thinks being disabled is easy should listen to me and all that I am going through full time on a starving students’ budget. August 15th 2007 Hi Walter- Wow where to begin-ill start by Apologizing to you. You must think I’ve been ignoring you, but that’s not the case. The cell phone I had with Joe - - -first it, then I lost it, then I found it but unfortunately I had left it in the backyard & it rained so it was broke again. Then he got a new one & him were fighting again (shock!) And he stopped service. I, for years, fell into a “Joe fish” trap. I honestly believed eventually he would change & our relationship would be great. I didn’t listen to anyone-my children, my friends, even my therapist-Everyone knew what a disastrous road I was going down-except me. The reasoning he really made me feel loved, but at the same time he alienated me from all my loved ones-had me right where he wanted me- no friends around me, barely any family around-no job etc . . . All the while he made me feel loved, he was emotionally manipulating my mind into believing I was the biggest piece of shit on earth. I was drinking on & off& was in a massive state of depression & didn’t realize it He really got to me- to the point I tried to kill myself. I swallowed a box of sleeping pills & washed it down with a bottle of vodka. For some reason I drove to CentraState parking lot. The next day I was in the hospital Psychiatric Unit. While I was there, Dave, Jojo, Nance, Brook, Bobby& Lauren Went to Joes & got as much of my stuff as they could. He (of course) is being a d—k about me getting the rest of my things he owes me a lot of money which I’m sure I will never see. Hopefully by the weekend. Anyway, things are good now. I have a job M-F 5:00 PM- 9:00PM & SAT 9 AM TO 6 PM. I answer phone, write receipts, receptionist stuff. Actually, I’m here @ work now. I had to take a break in my letter writing (went to Jackson & got A lot of the Kitchen stuff) So - - -how are you? I will end your blankets A.S.A.P. I haven’t forgotten Please know you are always on my mind and forever in my heart Pre-paid phone for now. I’ll try to call from Lauren’s phone. Miss you& love you- Hope all is well & you are happy- That’s what’s important in life- Be true to yourself & be happy! Say hi to Kim Love ya MOMMY Lauren & I are living in a one bedroom apt in Spotswood. We still have no furniture & are sleeping on the floor (while scumbag has my bed still-Getting my stuff Surprisingly, my mother Nancy Lee got a hold of me again and wrote this: August 24, 2007 Hey Ollie. Just received your letter. I would Love to be pen-pals. I need the practice with my penmanship. The more the fibro advances, the worse my handwriting is getting Its\’s very unpredictable=good days & bad just like the rest of me. I applied for N.J. Family Care-was approved, got excited the come to find out they made a mistake on the application so Lubelle has insurance but mine won’t go into effect till Oct. I have to wait to go to Drs. I’m going to see if I can make appointments now. I need to see specialists and there’s always a wait so maybe they’ll book my appointments insurance pending. I am at work and one of the salesmen printed out this cartoon and I thought you would want to know because I thought you would appreciate it. The co-worker (nice “kid”) is probably late 20’s w) girlfriend & a beautiful baby girl (few months) has a brother with a TBI. He also, unfortunately is a quadriplegic! He also was in an accident & in a Coma ( 3 months) so he knows & can relate to all we’ve been through. Nice guy. Everyone here is pretty nice. It’s a perfect job for me-Saturdays “it’s all good!”(I’ve been dying to say that-thought it would make you smileJ) . Anywho… I’ll try and fill you in on “what’s new in Jersey. Jesi & Bobby & the kids are supposed to be getting a house Sept 1st. The same landlord on Greystone road Jerrry (JP) bordered- floors in lieu of security. $1,200 monthly just in rent, not to mention all other utilities & food, gas-you know. I talked to Jesi today & told her this is her chance to change her life & the lives of her children. I even offered to help w)? Watching the children as much as I can. I also expressed how necessary & vitally important it is to get those kids out of that environment before it’s too late! Hope she pulls through okay. All I can do is be there for her. What else, let’s see, Lauren “officially” has a boyfriend Adam(that was my first boyfriends name Also but it was around elementary, middle school so the farthest anything between us went was a kiss on the cheek. He’s a nice boy-football team goes to Spotswood High & Vo tech, Sunday when I go get the last of my stuff @Joe’s the only communication w/ Joe will be getting my $. If I get any- if not live & learn. Speaking of $- I certainly hope you invested $ you received from your retro S.S. Will talk about that next time we talk I can’t write anymore. Keep in touch-When you write back fill me in on your life-Tell me about the TBI Spokesperson thing. Tell me about Kim, the apt - - I want to know it all! Talk to you soon- Love you Tons- MOMMY THE CARTOON READS AS SO: It’s a guy with a pick ax digging underneath the ground and he’s right there next to a treasure chest and it says Never Stop Digging Chances are you’re closer than you think. I wrote on both sides. You would think a time comes in your life when you finally get it and on the other side I wrote APPRECIATING NATURE FOR A HEALTHY FUTURE August 19th and I got another letter from HUD stating that I filed a complaint and it’s in the works. I am again taking baby steps because by me letting our law and our government work on it, I know that it will be all good when they have all the proper information that is needed to get the money they unlawfully stole from me. August 25th and I went downtown Orlando the appropriate office to fill out paperwork to seal the deal with my decimation complaint. August 31st and the new manager over at the office wrote me a letter of recommendation stating how she being the new manager is very pleased to have me as a tenant and if they have any questions, they are to feel free and call her. Every manager here likes me and tries to fix all the problems that keep just popping up September 3rd 2007 and here is the reply letter I wrote to my mother: Mom, right off the bat, the back pay furnished and paid for where we live now in Florida. Now every month I get paid on the 3rd, pay all my bills and I am broke on the fourth. I hate that now I can no longer take care of myself. If the tables were turned and I was the one driving, I would be there every week giving Brook, Bobby and their child money and necessities that were needed to survive daily. Trust me Robert Barry Jr., I do know it was an accident but everyone, including you, everyone looks at me like a chicken with his head cut off and I wonder why. I am not lying trying to make anyone feel bad at all. Never do I ever wish for anyone ever to have to endure and try to get through life as it is thrown at you for the first time. Now I am in tears and in my room I go to talk to myself. I figure how Walter doesn’t judge Walter and Walter listens to Walter. My only place to relax and enjoy life was in my room alone. Everyone says how it’s alright because Bobby didn’t mean it and we are both fine and I should be thankful I am alive because I was in pretty bad shape and I was close to death. I should be thankful.” DAILY LIFE IS IMPOSSIBLE, but I will get through life and this simple daily test. . September 19th 2007 and I now have another appointment with FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION. I am finally excited and I believe this is a step towards having my voice heard. I am in need of having our next generation learn from my one stupid mistake that has ruined my life forever. September 27th and I asked the office to please print me out a list of the concessions given to my apartment, and later in the day a lady who I never saw and never met was at my door with a letter. It read as follows: May 07: $69.91 June 07: $Full Rent ($645) July 07 $100.00 Aug 07 $188.70 Sept 07: $309. We have given you the concession in September to compensate for a damaged picture on your wall. We have made all the repairs to your apartment that you have brought to our attention and sincerely hope that going forward you will have no more problems. As of today you owe $335.30 for September rent and will owe $645 for October rent. October rent will be due on the 1st of October. The balance of September needs to be paid in full by the end of October. We have waived late fees for September. We will not go forward with eviction proceedings if October rent is paid in full and on time. The new manager wrote and signed what was the deal with September and October saying September rent is free and only two hundred and fifty two dollars is due for October. After I thought that was the deal only two hundred and fifty two dollars was owed for two , after all this bullshit I had to pay one thousand and sixteen dollars now or we were going to be evicted October 2nd and I now realize with all this shit going on how no matter where I go and no matter what I do, there is going to be assholes and problems. This I keep putting in my head is just a test, and I say to myself inside my damaged head, “Walter, how strong of a man are you?” I know that I will prevail just like the best team ever, THE NEW YORK YANKEES. While outside cleaning up during the storm, I found a lighter for the grill that was on the table, and it still worked. It wasn’t affected. I need and want to be that lighter. I do have an attitude like that and it ain’t no thing but a chicken wing. Daily now I have realized it’s free, so I keep realizing and thanking the Lord. I have two Dr Appointments coming up in a few days and I am wondering how I am going to get there with no wheels and not a penny in my pocket. Where there is a will, there is a way, somehow I pray. October 3rd and I can eat because I got paid in food stamps. I feel as if it’s my birthday. To you it’s only food, but to me, now my world seems like a happier place. I use this herb that god put here for us and like him, I see that it is good also. I have no worries and my pain almost vanishes. I have no idea what day it is today, but I do know that in a few Kim and I are going to Universal Studios to see The Blue Man Group October 4th 2007 9:54 pm and the letter to PEOPLE is now complete and will be out tomorrow First Class. They are looking, and I am trying to be the face of WHO WILL BE THE PEOPLE SEXIEST FAN ALIVE? What do I have to lose; it’s free to take a shot at winning a VIP trip for two to a MLB WORLD SERIES game. There’s NO DOUBT I will be seeing THE NEW YORK YANKEES. My house now in Casselberry Florida is like a museum. I only show the good in everything that I am involved with, truly, what I love because this is now my dream come true. I live on the water with a YANKEE room, and nobody judging what Kim or I do anymore. When we were locked and couldn’t get out of Jersey, what she and I are now doing is EXACTLY what we were both searching for. We bust our ass and when we have got a hot minute, we like go and be young just enjoying life. Now Kim and I hardly ever fight anymore. We are at peace with our faith and confidence. We are no longer feeling the need for negativity. Just appreciation on how far we have both come. October 8th 2007 and I just received a letter saying how I was referred to the Florida Department of Health’s Brain & Spinal Cord Injury Program by Orlando Regional Medical Center for possible assistance related to the Brain and Spinal Cord Injury that I have sustained in New Jersey October 10th and when I opened my front door to look at the palm tree right in front of my door, I saw a note attached to my door that was dated yesterday, which was October 9th, and it read that we owed three hundred thirty five dollars and thirty cents that needed to be paid in two days or we were going to be kicked out. I begged, borrowed, and did everything but steal to somehow come up with the money owed because I didn’t give a shit about me, I was worried about my baby doll being without a roof over her head. I took her away from her mother’s house after twenty seven years and I would have to do whatever possible to keep her from worrying. I refused to let her be upset, and me turning into a man, that was my main goal, to make my love smile with happiness and feel at home. This threatening eviction letter was dated for one day, and dropped off one day later giving us two days to come up somehow with over three hundred bucks Wow, to me this is weird. We pay our bills on time; have had nothing but nonstop problems since day one and now this. October 18th and another letter was at our front door. I wondered why they couldn’t knock and hand it to me personally. It said how now we owe them an extra hundred dollars due to the returned check. At the beginning of October Kim and I walked over to the office and told the manager how the check for rent is not going to be any good but to make up for it, we have a money order for rent and we will gladly give it to you. Every day since I informed the office of the minor problem, I have walked over to the office and she said to me how she will let me know when it comes in and that we have absolutely nothing to worry about. Every month when our rent is due, they try pulling a scam to somehow get more money out of us. The thing that they don’t realize is we are both from New Jersey and you can’t hustle a hustler. I have nobody but my diary so I need to make another entry. We moved into a brand new apartment, well so we were told. They said nobody has ever lived here and we will be the first ones. The used hot water heater burst and covered three rooms as well as our personal belongings we were moving in from our storage unit. I paid thirty dollars to have my satellite dish cemented to a pole so that way, it wasn’t attached to any of their property. The office said I have to rip it down because satellite dishes were not allowed. Meanwhile the office had three dishes on the roof of the leasing office that was practically right out my back and front door. We were literally right across the street from the leasing office. We have had a leaky and shower and they have said they will be by when they can. I had to bitch saying how they are not the ones paying the water bill and how this shit needs to be taken care of immediately. My nine eleven picture broke due to faulty installation of our brand new never used washer and dryer both in one machine. The pool has been closed for two months and the color green on top worries me. I want to help and buy them chemicals to clean the contaminated pool. Kim has asthma and I am sure her as well as all the little ones running around and playing should not be inhaling that filth. I hope and pray nobody winds up terminally ill. I do live in America, and I realize how I need to contact the proper association to handle my problems for me. I was compensated again by the third new manager and her boss soon after came by and said no. She said how we needed to pay or she was going to fire the pregnant woman. When I heard that, I needed to somehow come up with that money because I would feel like a total piece of shit if she was to get fired for trying to compensate me for the problems of the association she was now in charge of. Having Code Enforcement and Orlando Police to my apartment several times, I don’t know what more I can do. She says repeatedly to me how I am lying and how I need to stop being lazy and go out and get a job to help my poor girlfriend who is paying all the bills for me. I am not lying and I wish she knew what I was trying to get through during my recovery. Of course, what did I find? Another note around my door handle saying how satellite dishes are not allowed on property. I felt like I was doing wrong so I called and cancelled my service. After being fined for early termination, I went to the office wondering how I am responsible for these fees and fines. The office said how they were sorry and how I didn’t have to take it down. Yes I do have TBI, but getting several different rules from several different employees keeps confusing the shit out of me. They are a business running on no communication within the employees, and yet, we are the ones to suffer and pay. I am hoping our government helps me through this tough time here. Halloween of 2007 and being in agonizing pain I had to go to a clinic to be seen so they can somehow tell me what I have to do now to feel better. I feel so very fortunate to be able to get here walking several miles on my own and I realize how fortunate I am now and how far I have come in just a short amount of time. I realize now how to take my life one day at a time. And fuck it, whatever happens, it happens for a reason. Be a man and pass this test, or be a little bitch crying running home to mommy for assistance to make it all go away so you can feel better. I don’t think so. Homey don’t play that role. For me to be here on earth, that was the plan. Jesus Christ who spared me, you are the man. The result of me coming to this Dr was they wrote me a script for Lithium 300 MG. I will try this pill, but I know that I will wind up flushing them down the toilet. My goal is to live without taking any narcotics and feel one hundred percent happy with my life. They way my mind and body are I realize after fighting the pain for this long how I might as well get used to it. I believe the pain I have to just incorporate into my day. NOVEMBER 21st 2007 and what I do realize is how your brain has no compassion. Six days will be three years to the day of my accident and I am still trying to let all this soak in. I just realized again how cleaning & organizing my house for me is a Hugh responsibility that is over looked by everyone but me and Jesus. I am so very persistent. My Faith and my Positive outlook on life will carry me through these tough times. Amen NOVEMBER 27, 2007 WOW 3 YEARS! It’s funny how I was helping my new friend down here in Florida JJ crush his cans he collects daily for an income when I told him that I was going and taking a break to get a cup of coffee. He was bitching and telling me how I needed to do more cans before I can take a break. I laughed and said, “John I am helping you for free. I think that I am aloud to walk down the street and with my own money, buy myself a drink, so peace.” When I finally found a store that had a cup of coffee, I flirted with the two ladies behind the counter and wind up getting my cup of coffee for free. After walking to the store wondering how this guy, who also has TBI is thinking he can tell me when I can do anything. Hey, I am here to help him out. He has limited mobility and I can honestly be his two legs and his two arms. Along with my damaged back I am trying my best.. But I am here to help out a soul who is in need John and I met at a Brain Injury Support Group, went to a few poker tournaments, and just chilled. He was forty one and a cool guy. His mother Gloria is an angel with a solid heart of gold in her little frail body. While at his house, I noticed the most beautiful thing in the world to me, 2 squirrels playing tag with one another in several trees. LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND TO OUR YOUTH, I BEG OF YOU to look at what can happen, Listen, and Learn from my stupid one mistake Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere, IT CAN AND WILL HAPPEN when you least expect it. BOOM! I stopped by Kim’s work at Bennigans and talked to the coolest guy named Zoe. This guy is a real man who is here to make us smile and appreciate life. He ALWAYS lifts our spirits. No matter what we are going through. THINK OF IT and ask Zoe, he will solve your problems. Yup John, who was driving, bought me three drinks while I was playing in the Turbo round playing for the title. AND GUESS WHAT. . . I WON and I was the head honcho for the night. NOVEMBER 28th 2007 today is like WOW. Why you ask? What is Walter doing? I am packing for vacation. I, Walter, called it, EVERYTHING IN THREES. I realize how nobody will EVER hear or see life the way I do. Example: I say…Whose going to rock the nation me. And what is heard and what everyone hears. . . Has anyone seen a gay hat ion lee? I try to be quite and shut the Front door. HONESTLY, I TRY. I am now disabled so I BEG of you AMERICA, PLEASE LEARN ABOUT MY DISABILITY and work with me world. TODAY IS DAY 1 FOR ME and I am so trying to forget about NOVEMBER 27, 2004. December 2nd 2007 the surprise 60th for Kim’s mother that she planned from Florida went over amazing. The aftermath was horrible. She and I were homeless with our luggage and airbed at three in the morning. LUCKILY, a great friend of Kim’s, Natty and he husband to be Victor have great hearts. So, thankfully, we had a clean place to stay, I just got back from walking right down the street to a middle school and filled out a volunteer application. I spoke to the lady in charge and explained my reason for wanting to speak. She shook my hand while smiling and said “you are exactly want I want and exactly who I want to speak to the children.” What just happened, I keep thinking as I am writing this down. It sounds to good to be true. My past is going to come back to haunt me this I know. I now look into the future and wait. December 8th 8:57 am and as I am thanking the Lord, boom, this thought comes into my head: I need to stop making excuses and start making solutions. So be it. It is what it is. With that thought in my head, off I go for our first ever real Christmas tree and after I need to go get two MRI test. One MRI is for my brain and the other for my spine. I will know in a few days they said. December 5th 2007 12:25 pm and I walked to the school and filled out the volunteer application to be a guest speaker at a school that Yolanda from MADD referred me to and suggested that I go and speak and tell my amazing story to help the next generation learn from my stupid mistakes. December 12th 2007 and I just got this text from this dude Jason I met at my brain injury support group, and he wrote to me: Walter, writing books about the past or the future is easy. I wish you could write a book on current time, but then you would be God. Not worrying about the past and predicting and controlling the future. Well I guess our job is just to live life and guess about the future. Freedom of choice. Heaven or hell? You have heard all this before. Good fucking luck. The New York Pos twill say, “Life and death by Walter.” Don’t make that the only thing that they say about you. You probably hear me knocking, but I can’t come in. Think about it. I wish you luck, good or bad. Jason B December 13th 2007 12:17 pm. In the mail it was saying when and if I get hurt again, my share of cost went up by fifteen dollars and my food stamp assistance dropped by seven dollars. Now I realize that there are two results in every situation. Good and bad that will come out. But this is why I call myself Hurricane Walter because an over abundance of really tough tests are now being thrown at me. But I always remember how I HAVE CONQUERED DEATH so no matter what it is that I have to deal with, NO WORRIES, BECAUSE I GOT THIS. December 18th and I needed to inform Kim how the wicked words she throws and me are like daggers going straight into my soul. I wrote and asked for her to please stop calling me asshole and brain trauma retard because she is actually killing me when she things it’s just words. She read what I wrote and responded saying how she is so sorry and never again. She said I’m sorry and never again. December 20th 2007 9:02 am I really just need to chill ax and realize it’s All in Gods Timing. December 26th 2007 1:29 pm and I am getting ready to go and pick up my results from my two MRI tests. After getting home and looking at my results, one MRI says I have a bulging disc and not a herniated disc. My brain they said seems to be working alright and everything looks good from what they see. I beg to differ. I am trying to get answers on why am I so confused and scared. December 27th 2007 and I just got off the phone with Yolanda Larson the Executive Director of MADD and she and I were cool with each other. She’s going to help me tremendously in my goal to have my voice heard. The nice lady is now sending an email to start up the process of having my voice heard to the appropriate audience. When I was in East Brunswick New Jersey talking to a guy in front of me and of course I had to tell the gentleman my story. All he could tell me was to Network, Network, and Network. I will try. December 27th and I got the letter from my lawyer that I have been dying to see. It read that the full limits of my PIP (personal injury protection) has been paid. A large amount went to the hospital I was initially at. The balance was paid to my rehab hospital. My benefits have been exhausted, but I am happy the people who were there finally got paid for their success. December 29th 2007 and tonight another blessing in disguise because we are getting ready to go and see Joan Jett live in front of city hall located Downtown Orlando. How much is it you ask? It’s free. My philosophy is if it’s free, it’s for me. January 2nd 2007 11:56 am I was just told by a cop friend Keith that I am allowed to get a gun. It’s totally legal and it’s all good if someone comes into my house threatening my life to bust a cap in their ass. I know I would, but I would somehow wind up behind bars, so no dice on getting a piece. I AM HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE AT THIS MOMENT because in a second flat, I could lose it all Same day 3:54 and it’s so funny how my ancient immigrant from upstairs knocked at my door, she smiled at me and then, she smacked me right in the face. She said “, TO LOUD!” I apologized and turned the music down to zero. I have the utmost respect to anyone older than me. That really freaked me out and made me think how smart I was to just walk away in peace. With that opportunity to grab me and say “Go ahead Walter and do it. You are to protect you and Kim aren’t you? So, Walter, you need to just pull the trigger. It’s legal here in Florida right?” All these negative vibes rumbling through my head, I came up with this quote: Stay focused because you need structure to have stability. January 4th 4:08pm and I am giving it all I got. There has been something stuck in my head about throwing down at The Pantry Room somewhere soon in the near future. Don’t know where or how, but after being at The Pantry Room at Universal Studios in Orlando, I had the best time and wanted my life to be relaxed like it was when we were at Universal Studios parting at The Pantry Room for a Christmas party for the job that she was now working. January 8th and just when I thought it was now all good, I was wrong. I came home again to another note attached to my door handle saying now how we owed two hundred dollars and how it needed to be paid by the fourteenth or we were again going to be kicked out. This shit is getting old. We pay all of our bills on time and they still want more. I am all freaked out man. It’s crazy how every month they have tried pulling a scam and in the long run, by me being a stubborn bull, they wound up giving me concessions every month. I didn’t pull any scams like they are. They knew they were at fault and though that would shut me up and keep me from bitching and complaining anymore. SO THEY THOUGHT. January 11th and I got a bill from a collection agency stating they want the money for when I stayed at CentraState Hospital. I gave them all of the insurance information regarding the car I was in that made me disabled. January 23rd 2008 4:11pm Just got back from walking two and a half miles, a little over an hour to Catholic Charities to fill out a volunteer application to lend a hand in anyway needed. I told them I live on the same road; it’s just a little over a hop, skip, and a jump away from here. Walking back from Catholic Charities I stopped at a TV store and checked out a thirty seven inch flat screen for six hundred and seventeen dollars. I have two options as usual. I can but it now and have nothing to survive with for the month, or I can get it now, and pay later. I do realize I can’t be big Willie. So, the twelfth of never it is and it’s going to have to be a no go. January 24th 2008 9:11 and wow, no lie. I heard my now neighbors locked inside of their apartment. After a split second, I walked over and knocked. Victor said like a kid lost “I AM STUCK.” “STAND BACK!” After Victor told me he was clear of the door, with all the power God gave me, I kicked as hard as I could and suddenly Victor was free. It’s funny how Yvette was rude and wasn’t respectful telling Victor how his mother Janet never put in a complaint prior to the door locking him in. Now it’s 10:26 and I had to let my boy Los and Kim know what I had to endure. After I finished, I heard a loud bang at the door and I thought it was Victor. When I opened suddenly my hands were both grabbed and I was smacked across the face by the eighty one year old immigrant from upstairs again. After Kim got home from work she flipped shits when I told her what had happened. Her little ass was ready to go upstairs and throw down with that eighty one year old bitch. So we got into the car and went Downtown to the Orlando Police Department and filed a complaint to this woman who truly believed it was cool and it was alright because she was like a grandmother to me. WHAT, I WONDERED? I asked her “What the fuck are you hitting me for?” She said because she considers me to be her grandson because I am so young. Again she was trying to be my Grandmother saying to me “Remember life is what you make of it. Stop, you are not hurt. Stop, and look at you. You are fine. You can work. You are not disabled. STOP and now its 10:42pm not even twenty minutes have passed and this cluster of craziness is at my front door knocking and smacking my face again. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. I need to start a paper trail and get all this shit documented. I can and will not throw down with this eighty one year old confused little peanut of a woman. I went to the office complaining about how everyday there are people banging yelling Spanish at us through the locked door, and I needed something done because I was scared. This is what the management gave me. A note that read: No Vive aqui which says they don’t live here No me moleste which read don’t bother me Voy a llomarLe policia which reads I am going to call the cops “What is this I asked?” She said to me how this is going to keep all the people away from us because of what it says. Honestly I felt like a little bitch not being able to take care of myself. But I think that I went about it the right way doing what I did and going to the Orlando Police station to file a complaint finally against the lady who ever time I opened my door, she smacked me in the face. I thought my new place in Florida would be everything I ever dreamed of. That was until I kept getting roughed up by this old lady that I could never, ever raise a hand to. Even if I was on the ground bleeding, I would never even think about defending myself. January 30th 2008 and in two days we are going to pick up Scuba Steve W and bring his ass up here. It’s only way over two and a half hours one way and Kim and I have to make that long ass trip three times and only she is the only one again for food, drinks, gas, tolls and any other miscellaneous things that just so happen to come up. Steve and Kim were talking all about getting busy making a scrapbook. Let’s go big blue and I don’t stop there with the colors. RED WHITE BLUE will come out a winner. I now have nothing to do all day but chill and just simply relax. I called Florida Hospital trying to meet up with speech pathologists to fix my raspy voice and for me to be on point with my conversation when speaking to anyone about anything that has been going on in my life. Being disabled is truly a full time job. This shit is for real. Today started out as a day for me to just chill out and just appreciate life, but you know how that goes. When you think you can chill out and relax. You know something is bound to pop up and fuck up your plans that you just made. As I thought I could chill, I am now waiting for the referral department to call me back with my primary information. Wow, and I thought that I actually had a day off. Well, like I said, I thought. With all this going on, I decided to write an original letter to the woman who helped in my recovery whose name was Dr. McCagg. She will get the original that I plan on writing from my damaged soul. February 5th 2008 and Kim and I showed Scuba Steve a taste of how we roll now in Orlando. THE NEW YORK GIANTS SUPERBOWL CHAMPIONS 2008, and to celebrate I registered for cooking school. I was chilling when suddenly a knock came to my door. I wound up making twenty dollars off a birdcage that she and I picked from the road in the garbage. I asked for forty and she talked me down. Neighbors that I met, a nice older couple asked me when I saw them what happened to the birdcage. When I told them, both of them were shocked. They told me how I sold them an antique and it was worth several hundred and how the lady straight up beat me badly. I told them the story and I said a prayer for that poor lady. She knew I was disabled and she took advantage of a lost, confused soul. I made twenty dollars off of something that Kim and I picked out of the garbage driving back to our pad. How was I the one who was affected by her negative energy? I WASN’T AT ALL. It was totally covered inside with shit and I had to help carry it because it had a broken leg. Love the fact that I am actually growing a palm tree in my bathroom in my first ever apartment that happens to be in Orlando Florida of all places. Also today in the mail came a letter from FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH saying how they needed a Hugh amount of information stating and describing my injuries, to prove to them that I am not talking shit or blowing smoke up their ass. Along with MRI and CT scan records at the several hospitals in several different states, I got the goods. February 18th 2008 and it’s 9:04 and it’s amazing how God works. I was just thinking how at our first apartment in Orlando, out of nowhere, suddenly I had to go to the office to bitch and complain on behalf of all the illegal immigrants that are two scared to speak up because they know having twenty plus people living in a one bedroom isn’t allowed here in The United States of America. *Do you see how my brain now operates? I am always all over the place trying to make a dollar out of a pocket full of I O U’s. Wishing I can just simply make sense of this all so I can just move on with life taking care of myself like I have been doing for twenty seven years before that one day I was the stupidest man in the universe and trusted someone who said he was sober and he can drive. “Trust me.” The last words I remember before getting into the car. After bitching about the shitty laundry mat for my fellow residents, I bitched on behalf of Kim and myself since we were the only two Americans and told them how the ripped American flag needed to be changed because we are living in America and that it total disrespect for the country that we all are living in. * February 19th and I received another letter from HUD giving me more numbers to call. February 21st and while at a meeting with a group they call themselves The Toastmasters, I battled against one of them and I won Best Table Topics. This group is cool because I am chilling with a group of mixed individuals who all are there to learn and share all of their knowledge with fellow Toastmasters. I learned from a Dr that melanoma is hereditary. Melanoma is skin cancer March 6th 2008 it’s so crazy how it took me six months to get this one appointment, only having to make three other appointments prior. I realize how being disabled is really a full time job, but yet in Jersey I was being told how I was just being lazy and that I just needed to wake up and start working. That is the main reason I needed to bounce out of Jersey and move to a happier environment. Having nonstop problems, I decided to write a letter to the manager Michelle who was in charge of this shitty place that I now called home. I was going on a downward spiral and after paying all my bills I was wondering how this was my fault. So I wrote: Michelle, after five days of several crews repairing my brand new, never lived in apartment because of the flood from the used hot water heater. Everything in every single room was damaged and or broken and I was told that Kim and I were going to be the first residents. Michelle, after five days I couldn’t even open the screen to the door or any of the windows. I felt like I was a prisoner in little Havana. Michelle, I am so very afraid to get our stuff from New Jersey that we stored in a dependable U-haul unit on highway fifty. Michelle, if I was to do so, I wonder what catastrophe would happen on that day. If you wonder why I am acting shady like this, it is because I was recently today shocked and electrocuted and I honestly feel as if we should be compensated for our horrible experiences on a daily basis. March 8th 2008 and this is the reason that I moved out of harm’s way to paradise. I now am so very blessed to be able to awake to palm trees and lizards and again tonight at the same spot we saw Loan Jett, we are going to see Foreigner, and it’s free again. We pay five bucks for parking in a garage and walk right across the street to feast and enjoy. Lord be with me for I am with you March 18th 2008 my second appointment with my nerve doctor today. I AM SCARED. Kim is being a great soul, because she’s helping out a fellow coworker by giving her a ride to work rather than take a bunch of buses over a few hours just to get to work. Kim and I decided to be sober for St. Patrick’s Day and while cooking corn beef, she burned her stomach terribly, but we laughed in tears about see what happens when we try to live on the good foot? We decided to turn on the news and we saw a guy who wound up waking up naked in poison ivy. And I thought I had problems while we were both laughing about his wacked out arrested ass. April 2nd 2008 and watching the news, today will now be a moment of silence to all the schools for equal rights. I will soon be holding down the fort for my buddy Greg at work. There is that party at The Pantry Room that I knew I was going to be throwing soon one day in the future. Now it is 8:44 am and I am leaving for my two mile walk to Catholic Charities. I have only thirty seven cents in my pocket, but the fact that I am doing what I am doing makes me the richest man in our Universe. Lord, I thank you every second of every day AMEN. April 10th 2008 and I am going to Catholic Charities early tomorrow to hold down the fort while my buddy has to leave and go to a meeting. Not bad, I believe I am doing well for a soul in need. April 14th and I had to ask for a copy of my payment history throughout our lease. It’s cool how out of twelve times, we were only late one time. It should have never been but, so be it. APRIL 29th Today is my 31st and WOW> 2008 it’s funny how life works. EVERYTHING I had three years ago, I no longer have and all the things I wanted and prayed for, I NOW HAVE IT ALL, PLUS A LOT EXTRA. I am now in my two bedrooms, two bathroom suite overlooking a lake with ducks and turtles. FINALLY, I have realized to chill and appreciate life as it’s thrown at me. JUST A TEST. Only the strong minded driven people will get what they want and need, LOOK how my life has turned out for the better. I am happier now being disabled then I ever was EVER in my life. I’m Alive with appreciation and understanding for life. My life was flipped upside down, and I have just realized that I am NOT IN CONTROL of my own life. Our mail was delivered today, on my birthday and WHO IS TO COMPLAIN NOW??? Life is what you make of it. I was dealt some shitty cards, but MIND OVER MATTER. Do u c? May 18th and my three wishes have now come true while I am now at Reflections. I respect nature for a healthy tomorrow. We throw no food away. We have a container in the refrigerator for our scraps to feed to the turtles and ducks June 16th and today I received a letter from Section 8 Housing Manager in regards to me being approved for Section 8 living. I am very, very, very happy that I am a bull and with my horns down I WAS RUNNING balls to the wall to find a better place to call home here in Florida. I got another letter from my lawyer stating that on December 27th he mailed me a letter stating that the PIP has exhausted. I am trying to be all organized and shit, but no matter what, I can’t seem to quite get it down. June 27th and I now have in my hand a letter from U.S. Department of Justice saying how they are now going to refer me to another department that will be able to help me with my housing discrimination act. July 3rd and we used the 13th computer to check the status of our letter to OPRAH. It weighed 13 ounces and Walter told me to write this . . . and the reason why he says is how everything happens in threes.---LionKim Leghook YANKEES won versus Boston in the thirteenth inning #1, the only computer that was open was number 13 and the third was how our package to OPRAH weighed 13 ounces. Don’t laugh, I just proved to you how Everything will happen Three times. Beginning of July and I am writing a personal letter to the great hearted DR. McCAGG and she will get a very heart filled card that I am currently in the process of getting organized. May 20th 2008 and we just got a certificate stating the poem of Kim’s that I entered into some contest made it in the finals. Again, she said no, But and I heard KNOWLEDGE. Do you see by the results of the good vibes and feelings on how I decided to enter it into a contest and when she said no, I KNEW it would be all good. See to me in my head I tattoo how nobody has control without Gods direction. IT’S FREE Praise Jesus Christ. With that Positive message, Kim and I have been called bible thumpers. Why? I wondered. I just stopped whoever was talking about negative energy and flipped it to where people were now smiling and agreeing with what I was saying. Meanwhile when she got home with a Hugh KOOL-AID smile and I asked how work was today? She showed me a fifty dollar bill and she gave me a hug saying. “Walter, you were right. Be Positive and think chipper type shit. So now Walter, I will try my hardest to think Positive. I promise.” August 7th at five at night and I called this place called Think First and get the low down and they said that after renovations I probably will be a VIP (voices in prevention) With this opportunity to talk is an example of how my prayers have been answered. This is exactly what I have been striving for. My voice needs to be heard by the little ones. November 13th 2008 WOW!! ! Today is 37 months Kimberly and I have been an item STUCK LIKE GLUE. It’s Funny how now EVERTHING to me I REMIX to have numbers involved so I can truly understand. To you it’s weird, buy to me, IT’S LOGICAL. I have gotten PRK to my eyes, every tooth I am trying to save, and THE THIRD is a no surgery, no drug 100 % ALL NATURAL NON NARCHOTIC fix to pain from the jaw, to the toes. AND JERSEY SAID WALTER YOU NEED DRUGS OR SURGEORY. It’s called SPINAL DECOMPRESSON November 24th 2008 and I am going to volunteer my services at Catholic Charities in The Pantry Room. My Buddy Greg there says it’s going to be slammed and he could really use a hand. I am hooked like drugs, and there if I am needed to assist in helping others and bringing smiles to all the faces. So, off I go. Lord Please be with me for I am with you. November 25th 2008 I want to go to work again, BUT, I believe now is the time to go to Valencia to register and go get my Associates. I am not physic or psycho but I get these visions and to me, I NEED to follow through with my thoughts and never leave anything incomplete. I just got back. I Left at 10 a.m. and now I’m home at 7:30 p.m. I DID IT. I spoke with financial services and admissions. I even took a Math entry placement exam. WOW! Work and school Full time again, I WAS CHOSEN. I need to be a positive individual for non believers and negative voices, to stop, listen, think, and balls to the wall; IT WILL BE yours and get done. I start college in January 2009. Look how my life has flipped. Remember when reading this, IT WILL BE FINE ALL IN GODS TIMING. Finally, as excited and amped as I am, you ask, “What’s Walter going to do?” Back in the day it would’ve been go party and wile out. BUT now, relax, let all these Positive vibes settle and enjoy it Walter. Honestly, I am going to go to High Tide Harrys, get a drink and a appetizer and then walk for a hot minute back to Catholic Charities to lend a hand and see to it that people have food in their bellies for this joy us Thanksgiving. I am talking with MADD, working and going to school Full time and, WOW, I just need new student orientation and then I pick a day to start. Peace NOVEMBER 27, 2008. WOW 4 years HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL. EAT AND ENJOY PLEASE Again from the Bottom of my heart and soul, I THANK YOU TRUELY, WALTER MORYAN TRUST ME, I GOT PLENTY MORE. IT GETS BETTER AND MUCH WORSE. UP IN JERSEY AFTER TWO AND A HALF YEARS WAITING FOR MY SOCIAL SECURITY, I ASKED KIM IF SHE TRULY LOVES ME AND ASKED IF SHE WANTED TO MOVE TO FLORIDA AND START A LIFE TOGETHER AS ONE EVENTUALLY MAYBE HAVING A MINIATURE US, SHE SAID YES, AND HERE WE ARE BOTH MAKING OUR DREAMS COME TRUE ON A DAILY BASIS. I DON’T SUGAR COAT SHIT. IT’S 100% TRUE February 28th 2007 the last day of this month. I get paid at 12 tonight….NOW MARCH 1 I NEVER GOT PAID. WHY? When I asked they told me that the guy in charge of New Jersey messed up. WOOPS. I am now at Shares’ house thankfully. She and her two kids, Meanie Madison, and Wacky Jack opened up the entire house and opened the refrigerator to me. Lord, please see that I make it. I was sleeping on a picnic table when the man I have been calling dad JP said “Sorry Walter, my basements flooded so, I have nowhere for you to stay. With both of them having several trucks, a garage, and three regular vehicles, but, NO ROOM. So he handed me his LINE OF BULLSHIT on how with his 2 jobs, 5 vehicles, 2 houses with garages, HOW HE HAS NO ROOM FOR ME TO CRASH FOR ONE NIGHT. Fuck You Jerry Petty. Thanks dad, a.k.a. piece of shit. There’s the credit that you want from me. March 1st and I never got paid because they told me politicians messed up and we are the ones to pay. March 1st 2007 at 7:30 p.m. and I just now realized that Honesty is the best tool in your vocabulary and I realize how I need to keep it real up in to keep it real up in the field and one hundred percent of the time tell only the truth because when lying you are in a dark circle and eventually you will get lost and forget where you started Now at my friends’ house. Shari Madison and Jack are all true, cool, funny, loving souls and it’s cool how they are all related. Lord PLEASE see that I make it. I was homeless to sleeping o a picnic table so I DO SEE how life has gotten better for me. For some it wasn’t much but to me the table was my bed. 12:33 a.m. I ran into one of my five sisters Jesica a.k.a. Ester Egghead is what I called my Buddy. We just chilled and got up with one another about everything under the sun. She and I both needed that. Goodnight LORD, I ask of you to watch over me while I rest. THANK YOU for this day. Awake now at 7:20 and there are massive amounts of snow everywhere. High today is going to be 37* and the low will be 29*. The snow’s falling and it m is the size of chocolate chip cookies. So me being me, I decided to start shoveling and dropping salt down. After one hour passed, I stopped and really thought to myself “Walter, why are you even bothering?” I was going to get yelled at when someone had a shitty day and I was the only one within distance for the negative vibes to be thrown in my direction. It’s a trip how nobody ever notices what I do around here, ever. MYSTERIOUSLY the salt just fell from this sky and just so happened to fall exactly only directly on out patio and our walkway. From the front door to my mothers’ car and around and behind the car to reverse out..ONLY WHEN I failed at something was I given any attention. March 3rd 2007 I am here at CentraState, the place where Grandpa last was before he went through the gates of heaven. It’s scary to be here again. Thankfully he bettered his health and went to be with his two wives. I have a bunch of bills: #1 two hundred and seventy five dollars #2 one thousand five hundred and twenty nine dollars #3 eighty dollars A just got a sick note from the hospital saying I won’t be at work for two days. I remember telling the nurse my story in detail explaining I don’t need a note because I haven’t been able to work in years. I did still get a note. I have documentation for when I write that book. I know for a fact because I am constantly advertising myself to everyone and everyone that I come in contact with. Mark my words, it will rock our nation will nothing but jaw dropping Positive eye opening vibes. My Buddy Grandpa is the ultimate Mac Daddy. When we brought him to rest, we placed him right in between his two wives and while I am here writing, thinking and listening, what beats are now on? Love hurts. It does, but I know that I will get through this test with having nothing. March 2nd 2007 now getting discharged from the hospital, well, so I thought. I just found out that I will be sleeping here for the night. Hey, at least I am not sleeping on the streets. I am so very fortunate to eat three sandwiches. I am writing this to remind me to speak to someone about my living situation. As of now being in the hospital, when I bounce out, I still have no food, no money, no clothes, no home, and I haven’t been able to take a shower in five days, and I still have no government assistance. I give a shout out to CentraState for providing all I need to feel clean and full everything I have needed for several long, cold and scary days. Now it’s 3:30 a.m. and I can’t sleep . . . now it’s 7:30 and the snow outside is falling and I was just told that I can have no breakfast or meds until I see Social Services. So bugging out I decide to write and I am told that I am not allowed to use the light. Blood pressure is 110/70 and I have $33 in my pocket when I get out of here. I really need. I am sorry; I WILL BE IN FLORIDA SOON. The nice police officer from Spotswood bought me a cup of coffee and gave me $20 out of his pocket. If it wasn’t for that cool ass officer I would be homeless, hungry and broke, so, Thank You officer. I received another letter dealing with my recovery stating that soon I will be eligible for Medicare. But I am always feeling like the world is messing around with me and my Brain injury because little do they know that I am already hooked up with Medicare. Today is the 5th I believe and after being on hold for what felt like an eternity with the state, I am approved for assistance when I go to New Brunswick to re apply. Now 8:29 and while walking in Brunswick I met up with a ride and a place to stay for the night. If ever I needed assistance, Lord, Please help me now, I BEG OF YOU PLEASE. They are paying for a taxi to Brunswick I am leaving from the hospital to a half way house that after the taxi dropped me off, they had no room for me. So, I went from the ER, to a halfway house, to homeless. While I was walking the streets in New Brunswick, I asked several homeless people where I can go and get some rest. They told me “Christ Church on Patterson Street. With nothing but my man purse and the clothes on my back I am off to find my new home for tonight. I am all alone again. Before I go I will get some grub somehow, I hope. When I found Christ Church on Patterson Street, I walked in up the stairs and they, a church said to me “Sorry, we have no beds.” So, showing my scars and telling my story Suddenly now there was room for me because a regular never showed for the night and I could sleep in his cot. I walked up and shook all four of their hands and told the members of the church to please let me know if there is anything I can do to help to please let me know. By Networking I went up and introduced myself to a few of my new roommates. They asked how I got there and I started by telling them how I was jumped and then they heard my real deal true story. They were all in astonishment and I totally had all their mouths to the ground in amazement. So while outside Chilin with this cool ass cat, this guy fell asleep to my right while I was mad deep into a conversation with him. For me, it was no loss and it was all good. It was a pleasure talking to him while he was awake because he spoke highly of the Lord. After several long minutes, I was totally exhausted because I was holding his ass up. So, I am about to go inside and leave his ass outside to sleep with the Angels. Inside now at 10 p.m. and I am lying in a cot at church. I hope and prayed to God, with nothing, I Thank You. Honestly, who am I to complain? I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in and a cup of hot tea. Lord, Thank You for being with me. You have answered all my prayers plus so much more and I now at this moment have it all. Please when I awake give me direction on my next step. We all have to be awake at 6 and out the door by 6:30. I am being told by several people that we can ride the trolley all day for free and the soup kitchen opens from 3 to 3:30 only. I first I was like WOW, but then I think to myself how baggers’ can’t be choosers. It’s a free hot meal and who the heck am I to judge? Everyone here seems down to earth, well at least I think and I hope. I am in Gods’ house. How much more could I possibly be protected? With that said, I now know that I AM SAFE. It’s scary being here because they all look all doped up on heroine and in a snap of a finger, they’re all out like trout nodding and falling over. But honestly, who am I to criticize? Here I have met some very true individuals and when I decided to call it a night, I gave knuckle love and a guy said to me “power to the people.” I gave him a hug and said “power to all people.” It is now curfew and everyone is in a bed. Walter can always make anything work. While I am laying down in between two people sleeping on cots, I maneuver so I can use the street light to write all this down nice and quite without moving an inch and raising eyes. I am so very aware and now, at this moment, truly I am blessed. Why complain man? “Where’s the party at Walter, Mr. DJ? I tell myself every second of everyday how I just have to make it all happen. I know In Gods’ timing my persistence is going to pay and I will go from rags to riches. After I have spoken to anyone and anything with ears that would listen, they would all say, “WOW Walter, you are going to be rich.” I will be rich with money and materialistic items YES, but as of today, I am the richest man alive. My goal is to strive for excellence. When people tell me NO with my brain injury, I hear “KNOW.” I love dropping all jaws in amazement because all the negative vibes I turn into Positive lessons. When it’s meant to be, there’s No doubt in my mind that I will have completed my mission. I WILL SUCCEED! Look at today for me: I was jumped and slept in the hospital overnight, then I was brought to a shelter which had no place for me to sleep, and at the end WOW, Lord saves me again. My goal before I’m 20 10 is to have a place to call home. Life is very, very tough for me at this point. Every nano second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month since that day I was dumb and trusted the guy when he said “I AM SOBER, AND YA, I CAN DRIVE.” Goodnight to all and to all, a good night tonight. Plan tonight is to sleep with the Angels in Gods’ house, but I can’t get myself to sleep. It’s scary and tough because they look like mummies. People look to be sleep walking about to go and do a bag, Now, a few seconds later, I most defiantly am going to be the last one asleep since I’m guarding myself and my bag of belongings, which is underwear, mints, and a chrome cross. It’s Friday now and in my head Walter speaks to Walter in front of a crowd of Walters. I ask myself Walter, do you have one hundred percent faith? If not, get back to me when you open your eyes This is what my horoscope said: Moon energy in fellow Earth sign Virgo can upset even a Taurean’s calm stance- not that you would let anyone know. But underneath that cool exterior could be a riled bull. One step at a time is the way to get through this weekend. Don’t put yourself under all sorts of pressure, either, it’s the weekend and it’s time to chill out and recharge the batteries….TO ME, it’s saying for me to have No Worries. As one door opens, I know for a fact one will open for me as soon as possible. It’s all in Gods’ timing. As I am dropped from the state assistance, I am able to go and check my mail and in it was a letter stating that I was now accepted and I was now going to start receiving Social Security Disability. First, I’m headed to the state office to get my assistance all up and running. While in line down at the office I was degraded and talked to like a piece of shit. A lady called me a dickhead because I was kneeling down stretching my back and she suddenly cut in front of me saying how I was holding up the line, and for her VIP ass, it was too slow. I consider myself to be Hurricane Walter. I got jumped and beat up so I slept at the hospital and now I am trying hard to get food, money and a place to live Now it’s March 5th 2007 I found out today that I can’t go to Florida with Debbie (my old boss from when I painted for her and, Chuck.) After finding out I had a great roundabout with a butterfly. I am hoping and praying I can set up shop in Florida eventually so we can enjoy one another forever, I am stuck still in limbo. My life and shit is all over just like the thoughts flying through my brain. As I walk outside, Mother Nature’s beauty. nasty hail and snow. To me, WOW, it’s beautiful and it’s Free. SEE, inside my brain I see this as the Lord giving me a sign. For what I am wondering? I have no idea. I am lost in the sauce (which means I am running around like a chicken without a head.) Shari’s’ house, where I am now living needs help with food and I FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT because I can’t even buy a single peanut for her, her family of two, or myself. My soul feels lost. I was supposed to get my last check today and, NO DICE. We all need it the most. This is all because New Jersey told me even when I was in harm’s way; I should have called and given them a month of notice. It was an emergency and I should have stayed in harm’s way. I wonder why? I do what I can Shari has been my angel in my time of need. I do what I can to help. I like to play good house bitch, hey, it’s the least that I can do. I am now watching her sick child while she runs some errands. Now, there is no way for me to call Social Security to set my shit up. While I was walking around homeless, food less and shelter less I decided to stop by this good friend Sharis’ house to see her and her two cool ass little kids Wacky Jack and Meanie Madison and when I was outside, after cleaning I wrote and made this letter into a card with hearts of love, pictures, and these words from my heart: To Shari, Wacky Jack and Meanie Madison Just to let you know Shari, the night that I left here I got jumped walking through town. The Spotswood police brought me to the ER at CentrState Hospital in Freehold. I stayed at the hospital for the night and after telling them how I had no place to go and that I was homeless, they called and paid for a taxi for me to a men’s’ shelter in Brunswick which after getting dropped off, didn’t have any room for me because they never knew I was coming and no beds are available. So, last night I slept at Christ Church on Patterson Street and at seven in the morning I started walking down route eighteen towards Milltown to get a slice at Vinnie’s Pizza. All the employees made a smile come to my face, plus the dude making the pies was a YANKEE fan, so it was all good. It is nice how I just found out that I am going to start finally receiving my Social Security Disability at the end of April. Hey, you know how bad luck just seems to follow my ass. Listen to what happened. I went from nothing to the ER at the hospital that my best friend died at, so I left it in Gods’ hands from here on out. Since I realized to stop fighting because I am not in control, I am praying, hoping and begging that maybe since doing so I can now get back to normal reality. Hey I now am taking it all one day at a time. Today for me is tough, but my strong will and drive will carry me through, well at least that’s what I keep telling myself. March 7th and for some reason, I have no idea why, I just got a phone with amp’d mobile and this brand new phone hardly ever works. I feel like a total asshole signing that contract locking me in with this fly by Night Company. March 9th 2007 and I’m now @ the motor lodge for 3 days now. Nancy Lee is doing the math with my Social Security. Later now and I am here all alone, cold, but happy. ATLEAST I am Alive. Now, I have been Alive for Two years, Three months and seven days .Crazy life I am now living 24 7. Once again I thank you for everything. You have a great heart and soul. THANKS Walter March 3 THIS TEST I WILL PASS. Bring it Lord, I am ready. Now at a new hotel located somewhere which I can’t remember what town I am in, let alone a lot of other things that keep slipping from my thoughts. I have no idea because I have been walking and searching and looking for answers for a long ass time now. I can’t win. All the maids outside are mad at me. I put all my garbage in a nice and neat metro style. I was getting bitched at. It was only two plastic bags and a broken garbage can. I THOUGHT it was cool. After I had to bounce I threw on my IPOD and started walking to anywhere when I saw JP and I asked the guy I have been calling dad for years if he could please help me. He told me how with all of this was said to me. Honestly, even now with my TBI, I know for a fact I would have most defiantly remembered that. But I realize with all these heads I thought were my family, how blood Is Not always thicker than water. Well, so I thought family is there always to help and never to judge. SO I THOUGHT! Hurting for certain psychically and mentally now just rocked and confused, I figure I need to lie on the hard, cold cement to try to straighten my back. While lying on the ground, JP hands me his cell phone to call my step father Dave who also does hardwood floors who is also one of my three dads. Dave E said to me how he can’t and he’s not around. I was thinking having several homes, several cars, an RV, a garage how do you figure that there is absolutely no room? All I needed was a place to lay my head and not have to worry about getting beat up or arrested. So while he was crying me a river and trying to give explanation of him being an asshole, while still talking, I hung up the phone mid sentence. All of this that I have to go through is just a test which is making me stronger. I still have no food, no money, no clothes, nowhere to sleep and I haven’t been able to shower in four days now, but I keep thanking the Lord for being able to make this fight on my own with his assistance every second. Kim is my rock. With me bitching in my head, I think of her. She has Dyslexia and battling that, she is now holding down three jobs. March 10th 2007 by networking last night, I was able to get free burgers. Now @ 6:32 a.m. to me this is so very confusing. HOPEFULLY I am not lost anymore from here on out. I must call Detective A. I only have $20 on me to eat, travel. And contact the proper individuals. My mini me wallet will get it done. Watch! It is great how George Steinbrenner will pay for the funerals for the fire that was near the stadium. That is how the Organization operates. THE NEW YORK YANKEES have Nothing but the utmost Respect. March 11th 2007 I have got nowhere to go and I am fucking real scared. I only have the clothes on my back and chrome cross from my old home. I do have .5, I believe if I haven’t lost it in my travels. This is crazy how when I awake, all day I am fighting this tough, aggravating headache and m y spine is right along with my brain pain. I beg for it to stop. Lord I beg of you again to help me in my time of need. March 12th 2007 It’s early in the a.m. and by Networking, the answer at first was NO, but after being me I got a cup of coffee out of the answer no, but I heard KNOW! I am off back to my suite I consider my home. I am creating some goods: Tostitos and chili, I added some hot sauce, salt and pepper. To drink I have Crystal light and after adding tap water, I wonder what honestly is there to bitch about? Early morning and I am getting some great tasting McDonalds for breakfast. While inside reading a paper, I turned to a page that read “Opportunities are seldom and if you are not ready they are gone. I am trying everyday to take baby steps out of neutral. I keep praying and believing FLORIDA HERE I COME. I wonder when it’s going to be my time where I am going to be able to do whatever I want, when I want. With whom I want. I have been living like that my entire life up to this test. I am so confused.. I am lost and scared with no direction. That’s why I am now praying to a man who I can’t see. It’s called Faith. Lord, I will somehow with your power get through this test. I guess all I can do now is leave it in your hands. PLEASE guide me into the right direction towards my goal of happiness. Today is one of my two Godsons Colin’s’ birthday and I wish my Buddy nothing but the best in Florida. I WILL be seeing you soon Colin, Mark My Words, I will be in Orlando Florida by my birthday of this year. Just received a call from Kim and she was pretty upset. She was jumped at work by the 400 pound lesbian bitch. Now my baby doll is in the emergency room in triage with a pinched nerve. I turn on the TV to get all this negative bullshit out of my head and there is an air show from Florida. Two pilots were doing maneuvers when they suddenly crashed and died instantly. WOW, I can’t win. So, I decided to bite into a granola bar and after chewing on it for a bit, I realized that my tooth was also in the mix. March 13th 2007 Brook my sister that married ROBERT BARRY Jr. told me Walter everything that comes in the mail; you have to give it immediately to mommy because you lose it all. Walter, it’s so very important that you give all the mail to mommy and she will give you whatever is yours. I am sorry that you are hurting you have to just buy pasta and I can't come down to help because I have things that I have to do. I have to go see my dad but, I love you so much and I wish you luck. COME TO FIND OUT behind my back, on the DL, they were all pulling scams to save the driver from even getting looked at or in trouble at all, BECAUSE ITS NOT FAIR to Bobby? Robert Barry did this to me, and his now wife, Brook Moryan NOW Brook Barry, was the boss of the entire operation. They were all teaming up against me. I have Jesus and Kim. AND. SO YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ME DOWN BROOK! WHY BROOK? WHY?? ? March 13th 2007 9 a.m. I hate that Kim and I have to fight and break up on every monthly anniversary. So, to clear my head, I decided to go for a walk to the mail box and the payphone to call Social Security They told me that I have to go to an actual office. I asked, and of course there aren’t any in walking distance. So I say to myself inside my head “No Walter, and guess what? In one more day you are evicted. I am thinking that something will get done at my 15th meeting with my now 3rd lawyer JOSEPH D. GRISANTI. I am praying, he seems like a straight up guy who is TRUE. March 13th 2007 I had an important meeting with Middlesex Board of social services but since I was without residence, I wasn't able to go get my food stamps, Then I was going to have to wait till the 2nd which was going to be 2 months with nothing. My files are being updated 11 days after I transfer to a new residence. While going through this test I was told Well Walter it is your fault also. THEY were all kicking me while I was down trying. Still the 13th and I realize when I just chill out with all natural meds how I feel so much better. I get stronger. Physically, Mentally and I can endure more and last longer. This herb gives me good energy. For years I have been stuck back in this state called New Jersey with Drs. saying “What? You smoke pot? U need rehab.” I would just laugh in disbelief saying how when I smoke, my aches and pains go away tremendously. I don’t need a pill, just twist up some of the funky greens. LORD, I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE ON EARTH. Hopefully I am not going to be lost from here on out. Have to call Detective later. Today I fell into shit. I am mini me rock a fella with twenty dollars in my pocket. I am wondering if I should save it on living expenses or if I should waste it on breakfast. Food sounds so good, so dollar menu, here I come. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I just found out that one of my Godsons Colin was born at 8:46 a.m. March 14th 2007 and now its7:12 p.m. My mother Nancy Lee just came in real quick, used the bathroom, and moved all of my everything to Joe Fish’s’ house. I wonder what scam they are all involved in. Now they are all cool and buddy. I am never allowed out and I am forbidden to be around them because I am always in the way being lazy. I AM BETTER OFF ALONE. He’s a fifth degree black belt who got in my face yelling and screaming calling me a scumbag. I would think I have been working for you and lunch is all I walked away with. I still had nothing in my pockets begging for a cigarette. He is always so negative and he thinks all the people at the Legion actually like him. He is that slow. They only pretend to like him so that when machines break down, for a keg of Heineken he will come and fix it and be happy. That was his excuse for not giving me anything for being his assistant. He would say how broke he was. This was one of JP and Dave’s’ friends with property and two jobs. Joe Fish is a very negative soul with nothing but bad intentions. I asked my mother for money so I can get a taste of anything to eat. She said, “What did you do with the money I gave you three days ago?” I practically begged please, so the art of me begging got me a twenty spot. At six after nine the younger generation is so young, dumb, and full of cum. While I was talking to these kids at McDonalds, there is always one wise ass in the bunch. What I mean by that is there is always a wise ass named Walter that’s in the crew to make people smile and just laugh. Whether it was at me or with me, it was all good. All agreed with me but one with what I was saying about how I was stupid and not to be dumb like me ever. No matter what the situation may be. This one smart ass was all about the Benjamin’s and didn’t give a shit about anything besides making that paper. I let my imagination go wild and I designed my fake credit card to look real and if I was still a scumbag I could have given it to the manager, but I am a changed man. Plus the fact, I now have actual green cold, hard cash in my possession so there is no longer for me to show my scars and tell my story just to get something in my stomach. March 15th 2007 now its 5 and I am now in a new home. I am now in some hotel in East Brunswick for two days. I have to go to Social Security tomorrow, then one more night, and I am homeless again. By networking my story I now have beverages and condiments out the ass. Nice job. Just in time right before the storm. I might have an appointment to meet the lady tomorrow where I am supposed to be living as soon as possible March 16th 2007 10:37 a.m. I was fortunate to have a free breakfast. While dining, I met these really nice people from Florida who are up here because their son’s getting married tomorrow Now it’s 3:21 p.m. and I just got off the phone with my Uncle Mark and he assured me that everything will be set up for me in Pennsylvania come Monday. LENA always kept putting a great feeling in my heart. “It’s going to work out Walter.” He repeated to me several times. My life was just starting over with him up there at the time of my accident. Now after 2 years, 3 months, and several days, this great soul is saying how he wants to help me once again. I leave it up in the air in Gods; hands, because people talk and God actually helps. Hurricane Walter is affecting several people in several states. How? I wonder. I have to make my boy Deez nuts a priority. I have been trying since he helped me move my stuff out of a very uncomfortable place I had to call home. This is the night that I met DJ Dan at Red Lobster while Mike, just so you know, I would in my lifetime would I ever purposely fuck you over when you where the only cat who was there to assist me in my time of need. He has done everything under the sun for me and Mr. Diaz I THANK YOU. That shitty cell phone company sent me a bill in the amount of one hundred twenty seven and sixty three cents saying they will shut me off if I don’t soon give them payment. I am the one with brain injury and I wonder why when I have been telling them how the phone was a piece and I could barely make any calls, why they never believed me. I NEED TO SOMEHOW GET TO SOCIAL SECURITY Just found out that David T and his secret lover Tony K stole a lot of items from my room. Tony K and David T, I wondered. They both in front of people loved women, but alone, they were into each others’ mouth. While I would work and never get paid because he said to me it was compound interest. He would make stupid remarks like “Brain, shut up, bend over and touch your toes pretty boy. That to me wasn’t a joke. I had to bounce out soon. This day was a tough one and after busting my balls and sweating for nothing, I truly felt like a crack head. It was mad cool, his partner and neighbor Sean knew how I wasn’t getting shit, gave me a bud. I have no idea why. This guy had a great lady, two beautiful kids, but he always had to lie to his wife Maggie and say the reason he smelled like weed was because I was the one smoking and the smoke was from me when I exhaled. I have been trying hard for 2 months. No food, drinks, shelter and I will have nothing for the next two weeks, this I now know. Now 7:46 and by networking, $10 got me a future stars name. This cool older gentleman bought me a few drinks and together we caught a buzz. When he and I left, there was 5.0 everywhere. So, we went back in and by Networking to the bartender I got four expensive drinks for only $2.50 a piece March 17th 2007 and now it’s5:10 p.m. I realize at this moment my next step in life is me putting all these memories together to let the world know about my experience. They all live and survive from the earth with all natural herbs and supplements, and just like my story, it is here to you from the victim and survivor who will now be struggling to keep his head above water trying not to drown in the place we call earth. Here is PROOF. Listen to a Dr and he will tell you the effects and results, PLEASE LISTEN. Now it is 5:54 and I just found out that a medicine man in the Gambia, which is the poorest place in the world, has a cure for AIDS and HIV. It grows from God’s Green Earth, and it’s free. THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA needs to sell it like a pack of cigarettes, except these cigarettes are healthy and don’t kill, THEY HEAL! I helped a Mexican man I was talking to about his back pain and all the pills he was taking on a daily basis. Told him GO GREEN and after he called his boy, when he showed up, I twisted one up right quick, and got my amigo high as a biscuit. He later thanked me and gave me a hug. I made Peace for someone new to The United States of America. ONLY three minutes have passed and a reporter on FOX was clawed and scared by a cat in a live report. Now, only six minutes have passed and I most defiantly need to see a Dr. Every single movement my body aches and cracks. I am in constant pain. They say “Walter, you are lucky to be alive, so you have to stop complaining and learn to live with it. 160 thousand troops are in Iraq and may God Bless Their Souls, and give them strength. PLEASE, LORD, I AM BEGGING OF YOU to be with them in a time of need. I have to switch my thoughts around so I decided to call my Otolaryngologist Dr. Joseph Spiegel and left a very detailed message. It was so detailed and so long the machine hung up on me. By remembering that Grandpa said to always look around and you will find money. So while at the vending machine after walking by the ice maker, I decided to look on top for a change. I was rich. I found .17 and I was happy like a kid in a candy store. Then, BOOM! The vending machine beat me for one dollar. I walked and left a package at the front desk. As I started walking to my room at the roach motel and neither of my two keys worked. So I went the office and they couldn’t help me unless I showed them my I.D. My wallet was in the room that I am locked out of. The only identification I had was my name tattooed on my left arm. After the correct people were contacted I was then given two new keys. When I was inside my mansion, I needed to get some grub. I needed a bowl for my Ramon noodles so I looked at the ice bucket, and after adding water I now had a five course meal. Now at 9:37 I said goodbye forever to Kim on her sister Tara’s 30th birthday. Tara and Kim are the best of friends. Tara practically raised Kim. A lot of what Kim now knows, she gives props to Tara. March 19th 2007 9:32 p.m. No F N lie, while I was at the mall, I was called over by Two Russian girls who wanted my number. So, I wound up taking them back to my hotel room. The 21 year old and I had a strip tease. Her 23 year old friend was looking at me all night with those fuck me eyes. They both stripped for me and I gave them a glance at my package of food. I had lobster and crab legs for them to munch on. They both at the same time wanted to chill with me. I wasn’t down with that vibe. I wasn’t putting myself on the menu for tasting because I had my mate in Kim. I am supposed to be hurting and disabled? I am living every single mans fantasy. While walking the ladies to the car, some stupid fuck looked me in the eyes and started disrespecting the two beautiful ladies. So, I got in his face asking what the problem was. I was in his face, nose to nose, and the guy, who was now a pussy, walked away. I went inside after the ladies where driving away safe when suddenly outside, I heard some noise. It was a beefcake coming all pumped up from Work out World. From all the beverages and treats I gave the ladies the desired gift that they both wanted. It was a fruit by the foot. I came in a found a paper on my pillow that straight up says “I’m Rapunzel! Sweet stache.” The pickup line to me from her was “I lost my phone, so, I lost my number. Can I have yours?” I laughed in her face and said “Sweetie, you have to come at me with a better line of Bullshit than that.” But hey, she did try. Now that I am thinking about it, she said at first, “I only have one beer and no money, (she said at first) after I was just being me, suddenly money appeared and so did a lot of Corona light. Just found out that it’s going to be one more day I am stuck here with nothing Now 10:05 and I believe I am moving to Pennsylvania. WATCH OUT Hurricane Walter’s coming to town. Bad luck just seems to follow. March 20th 2007 and I had to walk across the street and get a card at Express so I can get my baby doll clothes as needed and just to be able to get her clothes at the drop of a dime as something suddenly pops up and she’s without money. That’s when I can feel like a man again. March 21st 2007 and it’s in the afternoon sometime. I kill everyone I meet or know with kindness. I know that out of all this craziness and confusion that I will be getting the last laugh. The Lord watches over me while I cross the major highway to get some clothes. THANK YOU. March 21st 2007 I’ll be homeless in a few hours again, LORD PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE. 10:11 a.m. I just got the word that I’m moving to Pennsylvania again. See how crazy and confusing it is. It shouldn’t be this hard at all. Nancy had to meet with this lady Brook Barry. This was Brook Moryan my sister until she married the devil and became Brook Barry. She’s making it seem like she’s helping me tremendously. She hasn’t been doing nearly half of what she says. She bought me a pair of socks, Robert bummed a few cigarettes from me and she now has a coupon for me. That is how she thinks she is being a Hugh, Hugh help March 22nd 2007 I have nobody, so I talk to the spirit in the sky. I pray and try everyday to stay strong and positive. No answers from anywhere. I keep thinking that if I survived death and come back to life Alive, there are no worries. I am Alive and finally able to be alone and now taking care of myself fighting through all these trials and tribulations. March 23rd 2007 @2:03 I called my mom and she can’t talk now because Joe’s cutting the grass and she can’t hear me but she said she will be up here later to give me money. I THINK that is her answer to my problems. It’s not that simple of a solution for me. At 11 p.m. yelled at by my immigrant house keeper that I now have to check out. I explain to her that I just moved in for the night that I haven’t been here. I am hurtin for certain, but I keep telling myself how blessed I am to be able to go through these minor problems. THANK YOU TO our Lord, my father and Grandpa and to all the Angels that assisted in my recovery. EVERYDAY I PRAY AND EVERYDAY I TRY TO STAY POSITIVE. I do try 24 7. I just heard that16-1 troops with TBI who aren’t getting them the help they need and deserve. Save our troops. Why is it that we can’t help those strong souls in a time of need? They are putting it all on the line and we shouldn’t be saying Fuck You to them in their time of need, AT ALL. HONESTLY, WE NEED TO ASSIST OUR SOLDIERS IN ANYWAY POSSIBLE. I have learned how to fit 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound wet paper bag. I am a firm believer that my persistence will pay. I ‘m praying in the future I can look back at all of this and be thankful for my daily test and learning experience. By NETWORKING I just received three beverages for six dollars. Left two and change for a tip. While there, I met an old classmate from middle school and when I was walking out the door, I met another classmate from high school. While walking the street seeing friends, their friends (two ladies) invited me to their timeshare in Florida. They are going to Orlando, of all places. All of this is so very confusing to me. I am scared and have no idea what to do. March 23rd and to me, this is all a countdown to my future. Where am I going to go and how am I going to get there, I have no idea. God, I leave it in your hands. I ask you: do I stand on my own two feet and get through life using my own judgments and capabilities? I am scared. So the best thing to do is, “I leave it in your hands God.” I found out that I have no lawsuits but THANFULLY the insurance is going to give the Drs. The money that is owed for saving my life. I owe from $1.00 for a shot to $500,000 for an operation and I will beg, borrow and steal to get them the money that is owed. I never want to ever see a penny. I want for the Drs. to get paid and for both BROOK and ROBERT BARRY to get what they deserve for being scumbags pulling scams and acting like they actually give a shit about anything other than keeping clues and paperwork hidden from keeping ROBERT BARRY from even getting a slap on the wrist. I know it was an accident and to this day I wonder why I have both families laughing at me saying “Stop being lazy Walter. Go get a job so you can stop complaining. I have been given fake lawyers, and to my face, nothing but lies and misdirection. BROOK and ROBERT BARRY are worried about money and Robert from getting three hots and a cot. That to me is FUNNY. They are worried about minor things and without anything at all, I am worried about what I’m going to do tomorrow. I have never been lost in the last 14 years of my life. But now, I have to live one nano second to one year at a time. I thank my two angels, my Best friend Grandpa and my father Walt. Again, now I have faith, how could I not? They both came down from above and said to me how it wasn’t my time. I don’t hate, now I appreciate my life on a daily basis. No longer do I want to resort to negativity. Why waste your brain cells? So, to feel better, I walked and mailed a package to my godson Colin in Florida. After I chill and am a naturalists with fresh herbs, fruits and vegetables that grow from earth, my mind and body feel better. Yup. Mark my words that everyone will get what they deserve in Gods’ timing. Don’t hate, appreciate. Be thankful that you were able to wake up and open your eyes. Hey, you are alive right? It could’ve always been worse. It could’ve been your time and you didn’t awake. Now, 9:56 p.m. and by Networking, I got a cross, met up with my bud, got a new phone, and when leaving picked up a few beautiful ladies digits. If I wanted to give those ladies a night out with Walter, it would be all good, but there are other things in life for me to conquer. KIM Time is of the essence. There will be a Vigil at ground zero out of remembrance and respect. At this moment, my cross is priceless to me having my birthstone diamonds in the center. Music to me is everything. Music is the answer. It’s funny how when I was in my coma, the Drs, told my mother “SSH, be quite, Walters’ brain can’t handle the noise.” My mother, when she went home told my sister Lauren what the Drs. told her she can’t do to me, her son, while she is there. She bugged out and said “Walter needs his music.” The next day my mother brought in my beats. In due time, I was told nurses and Drs would start dancing their asses off when entering my room. That is my type of galaxy, smiles and Positive vibes. Just got another bill from amp’d and it was saying I have a Delinquent past or present credit obligations. I told them from day one when I bought my Razor how the service sucked and I was coming in for a total refund. March 26th 2007 and Kim is coming by to talk in a little while. It’s funny. I have in hand a contract signed by the both of us on 3-19-2007 @12:04 saying Arcadia for now. WE ARE MATES, I BELIEVE. March 27, 2007 Today, Grandpa for 5 years and for me it’s been 2 years and 4 months. March 29th and I won game two of the final table at a Texas Hold’ Tournament. I feel like a kid in a candy store happy as a pig in shit. April 1st 2007 now 10:08 p.m. I have seafood in my fridge, but it’s going to taste like shit because Kim and I went sour and both said “no more, a.k.a. we are done with us.” It SUCKS. I had the utmost respect for that young lady and she did it for me. I tell myself, APRIL FOOLS. Walter finally wake up because this is all a dream. Never, even if she asked would I go into her purse if she asked for something. I would hand the bag she was asking for to her. She on the other hand went through my wallet, phone, and diary I wonder why anyone would spend 17 months with someone who they didn’t trust and couldn’t be without. I wonder why? 6 in one hand and a half of dozen in the other, I guess. Kim needs to listen to her x for 7 years Fabian about relationships. I did chill with Fabian several times. He seems like a true down to earth guy. I found out that when Kim and I first got together, she cheated on me and had sex with Fabian. At first, she was done and I didn’t need her. Call me crazy, but it was love between them, and I don’t know why but now, I have trust. April 2nd 2007 Lord thank you for this day and please watch over me while I attempt to sleep. Once again the Lord watches over me while I sleep. I want to be free like a bird chilling over the sea with no worries, just peace I now have my ability to function with normal reality, well, I believe. I am the richest man in the world now being broke that I found you. My third lawyer is cool as heck. He knows how I am homeless and told me to call everyone and their mother and give them his address so I can get actually get my mail. He sent to my hotel room two Social Security letters as long as two other pieces of mail that came to his office for me. One piece of mail for me was a bill from CentraState of all places in the amount of one thousand five hundred and twenty nine dollars. That hospital keeps haunting me. I told them in detail my shitty situation and they keep hounding me for their money that I don’t have and I can’t get. April 3rd and it is only twelve twenty in the afternoon and I walked across the busy ass highway to return all the broken materialistic shit and it is funny because after doing so, I am still stuck with my phone and it still doesn’t work. Lately I have been dealing with two phones that are both pieces of shit. I now have been referring to myself as hurricane Walter because I don’t ask for it, and I most defiantly don’t want it, but yet this crazy ass shit just so seems to land absolutely perfect in my lap. At the mall networking my ass off, this cool ass cat Will hooked me up with a foot long sub for free. He said to me since it only cost him twenty eight cents, it was all good and now it was mine to enjoy. Good looking out Will I said while giving him knuckle love while getting ready to go and eat. Yah food, I am so excited. Now home at my hotel and full after enjoying a free foot long sub, I decided to call Middlesex County to try and assist in getting the ball going with regards to my Social Security claim. I have been calling repeatedly and the recording tells me to continue to hold on just a little bit longer. It’s now twenty minutes later and it now says how there are closed. I believe my Social security check will be sent out to me tomorrow. While this is all going on, The New Jersey State Police just called this phone that I haven’t been able to get to work at all and asked for a guy named Tim. I assured the Officer that there was no one by the name of Tim at this number or at this residence. Afterwards, I called another number regarding my Social Security. I figure how my stubbornness and persistence will all pay off in the long run. There is a plethora of individuals that I need to speak through regarding al the craziness that is now going on in my life. If I can just get out of neutral and take a slow easy trip, I will be happy with that. This is all so crazy to me how I need to speak and they are all away from their desks busy living their own normal lives. This is all building up on the inside and I now need to waddle to the bathroom and drop the kids off at the pool. See there I go again thinking about others. I am all about the next generation learning from my stupidity. I plan on letting my kids dive, swim and have fun through life. That’s if I decide to have any. I am the eldest of all my sisters, cousins; I am the old man and I just want the best for all the young. April 4th 2007 and I wonder why everyone looks at me funny when instead of saying For, I hold up four fingers. Everyone says to me, “Walter, stop saying that you have TBI. You are fine. Just look at you. You can talk, walk and stop being a lazy bitch and go get a job.” Using this herb that grows from earth leaves me so comfortable with practically no pain and I don’t think about anything but good times and good things. I can actually smile with joy and just chill out and enjoy my life in my damaged body. April 4th 2007 maybe when I awake my life will be different today, and I will be able to do something for myself. 11:23pm MANANA, a new day and I prayed to the Lord, wait not ready yet by networking I have got jambalaya and my life is so horrible if you believe that, I will sell you ten pounds of shit in a five pound wet paper bag. April 7th 2007 at 4:33 a.m. and with everything going on, I haven’t been able to get sleep for days now. My mind and body are always in constant pain and I am so very worried and just want to get better. But, I do have the Lord and the ability to fight for survival on a daily basis. I Thank you Lord for this function and this ability. It’s the same day, 12 hours later at 4:31p.m. and I have to go outside and stretch my aching body and I can’t wait because it’s snowing outside My goal is to go to a Texas Hold em Tournament on April 28 which is the day before my birthday. I am now at this word 29 on the 29th and in a few hours I will be 30 on the 30th. Numbers now trip me out and make me want to do cog native Therapy to make my damaged brain stronger. I REALIZE NOW that I have been Networking for survival and we will soon see if AND HOW it is going to pay off. I am praying that my prayers do and will get answered. Now it’s still the 7th at 9:44 p.m. and for dinner I am having lobster that’s delicious from Red Lobster April 10th 2007 and today finally having money, I had to go crazy. I bought a few YANKEES jerseys and a few hats. Two YANKEES and being that I plan on moving to Florida sometime soon, I had to get a Florida Gators hat. Rutgers is my team of course since growing up in Jersey but I am not really that interested. It is scary because in Florida football is a religion. I wonder what all of the Floridians are going to say when I am sporting New York Yankees and New York Giants gear to show how I got nothing but love for the two amazing teams. A few days later and my boy DEEZ picked me up and we both went to the food store. I was walking through when suddenly right there in front of my face in the middle of the isle my dreams and all I have ever imagined was right there in front of my face. I saw a baseball which was a TV and it was about thirteen inches and on the back of it read New York Yankees and right next to it was a phat ass silver surround sound. Mike was laughing at me saying “Walter, you don’t have a home to put all this stuff in, but yet, you have to have it. Why?” I said to him how I have got big plans and eventually it will be in my house when I am able to bounce to Florida. I am always thinking ahead so I just want to be prepared when my dream becomes a reality. April 16th and now only thirteen days until I turn twenty ten. It is a State of Emergency because everything is flooded. And because of the emergency, court was cancelled for Kim due to a traffic ticket. This today is a record for the second largest rainfall ever. It’s really crazy and funny how Kim’s’ number is thirteen and all this craziness just so happens to be thirteen days away from my birthday. If that is important I have no idea. Now I am a number freak, great at Math, so I think. April 16th and while I was watching one of the best shows ever, The Price is Right, the two blondes at the end both overbid and lost. While they were walking away, they were both smiling and laughing. April 16th 2007 and amp’d has sent me another bill, and this one is in the amount of one hundred fifty one dollars and seventy one cents. How and why are they thinking they can get any money from me after selling me a cool ass looking phone that didn’t even work from day one when I bought it at the mall? By networking I now have several options in several counties and after four twenty nine I will finally get my Social Security and I realize how I am still not going to be able to live daily and be considered to be living correctly. As my Social Security check comes in, it will get cashed and be sent out as soon as it hit my hands. It would be nice if I could actually use some of the money because it would be great to be able to have a place to live and I place that I can call home. As always the beats are on and as I am digging the music. I figure it’s time to blaze. No pills and no narcotics. Just go green with the wacky tobacky that takes care of all my worries. I have a grip on reality at least at this moment soon after. Now I can go to jail for what I just did, but why I wonder? I healed myself naturally. Honestly, I am still in agonizing pain and I really need my body looked at from head to toe. Then hopefully I will be able to survive through this level of my test through life. I have to know now that I will no longer be working seven ten hour days, no doubles, and no more over time. As of now, I think I can. Maybe in the future I can do a few hours a few days a week. I have been trembling like a crack head all day and I just puked. Why you might ask? I have no idea. I believe they are called nerves. I am not dwelling on what just happened because it was a negative experience. Only chipper type shit flows through this brain. Bugging out like I am, I am trapped here, stuck like I am in prison. I can’t leave because my key doesn’t work Watching TV; it said that the governors’ limo was going ninety one miles an hour. That sucks and I have prayed for him, and on top of that, there was a shooting at Virginia Tech and it wound up to be the deadliest shooting in U.S. History. April 18th and I touched base with ABC to promote my story on Los’ birthday. Meow . . . April 20th at four twenty four at night and I am going through whatever was left to me that wasn’t stolen by the big fat guy David T and his butt buddy, JPs son, Tony k. Trying to give myself a haircut to get rid of all this rotten energy that’s just piling up on my plate. I found the back to my clipper and of course, now that I found the main piece that I needed, the buzzer is about to die. A funny thought came to my head just now. When Kim and I were in the car and we were stuck at a light, I beeped the horn and asked the guy next to us to please roll down his window. When he did, I asked him, “Excuse me sir, do you know where there is a dollar store that sells cheese steaks?” His jaw dropped and he was totally dumbfounded by my question. When the light turned green we left and I waived. Kim said to me how that was very inappropriate. I saw no harm in it because I was just asking a simple question. I thought it was so simple. After a lady won on Wheel of Fortune, she invited Pat with her to St. Croix. This sucks because today there was a water main break outside of a place called Hartwick. That place is one of the sites that Dr. McCagg works at and I am praying that everyone will walk away. Now it’s another day and I have the ladies calling me to see if they want me to have them come and clean my room. When I said yes, the boss is going to send that young lady that adores me, so we will see the steelo. Tuesday April 24th and I am getting all cleaned up with a broken ass buzzer that is only doing bits and pieces. APRIL 29th, my 30th birthday today and I am trying to still be and learning how to become a very respectful young man, so I gave the young lady a little something for making my place a nice, clean place to lay my head. It was just my life savings and all the change that I had in my possession. To me it wasn’t much, but she thanked me and we both smiled while I was saying to her “Hey, every little bit counts.” Soon I will be leaving to go to the Rain Forest Café for her niece Cameron’s birthday that just so happens to be in the town that I was born in which was Edison New Jersey. On my birthday I am going home to my old stomping grounds. We had a kick ass time and that’s only because we sat with the birthday girl and all the kids at the kids table. I would from this point on always sit and be able to chill with the kids. They are real and don’t have to bother with all the materialistic things the adult table was bitching and complaining about. We just laughed, ate, told jokes, and together we are all in smiles in appreciation. Now after leaving we are on my way to a meeting with people that I know are going to ruin my day. It truly sucks that the people who will ruin my good time call themselves my family. Today is my birthday, but my Buddy Lauren is having her sweet sixteen and I will not let anything or anyone ruin this day for neither her nor I. My plan is to kill everyone with kindness and just smile for the guests. I, while working the crowd, made a complete gentleman of myself. After all, it was a very special day for my favorite sister of them all. I grew up with her and she grew up right in front of my eyes. From her being a newborn baby, to now watching her become a little, young, beautiful lady at her ball. Yes she is my sister, but yes, all that I said about her is one hundred percent. She’s a complete package. She is smart, beautiful, respectful and so very ahead of her age. She has the skills that will pay the bills, her bills. She has got drive and is going places. While I kept circling the room several times not one person from Roberts’s family even said “hi” or even one word at all. I to this day, my birthday and her party that they are all at, I wonder why they are all being rude giving me the cold shoulder? Why am I the one that’s being treated like a piece of shit when I wasn’t the one who was driving? It was their son Robert Barry Jr. and when I see him, to this day, I give him cigarettes and give him a hug. I do know that it was an accident and Robert didn’t mean to do it, so why were his and my families pointing the finger at me saying how it is just as much my fault as it was Roberts? I was the only one who was injured at all. He still has a life with a job, a car, and a place to call home as he is living the same exact healthy life he did prior to the accident. And he is a rich man being in my sisters company. She and I were best friends, and she chose to be with that negative soul. He parties and hangs with the devil. I need to get far, far away and start my own life over in the beautiful state of Florida. April 11th 2007 I just realized how dumb and funny I must have sounded when I told my Buddy Deez Nuts how fucked up everybody is because they all make me broken promises. I am now laughing my ass off as I jot down my memories of my fun trial through life. Truly; I am so content with my life at this moment even with my body aching inside and out, but I want more. I tell myself how I need to stay away from Kim because she has people leaving me threatening messages saying how I am an asshole and they are going to fuck me up when and if they ever see me. I am soon to the next level of life and Walter, Happy Friday the 13th. Although I haven’t slept in days, Lord I thank you for this day. When walking to Denny’s for breakfast it feels like a ghost town because besides me I am the only person out and about at this moment. Wonder what this day has in store for me already having awaiting my first dilemma. I can’t wait for Red Lobster to open. Realize how in my name first, middle, and last equal 666. I am trying to be strong and balanced enough to get in the shower, but I am scared of slipping and falling. I was so lucky because I was able to leave Red Lobster with a great appetizer. I am trying to be as normal as the average bear Yogi. My bill was $14.45 and I made it a total of twenty. I would have left more if I had some direction in my chaotic life. While I am sitting in my room I am wondering why Kim has been so hardcore and such a rotten bitch to me? And I thought I wanted to settle with her and actually start a family with her. I wonder why? To forget about all of this bullshit, I decided to catch up with an all natural pain relieving strawberry herb that grows from Gods’ green earth, so then I will be able to smile and chill out. April 15th 2007 at 5:48 a.m. and Brook and Bobby are so very persistent about me going and staying with them. I wonder what they have planned now up their sleeves. Now 10 a.m. and when I opened my eyes I realize it’s time to smoke some bu bonic chronic, why not right? Kim for the longest would politely say to me Walter you are having a good time right? I would say ya, no doubt, when hanging with you and those beautiful ladies Meredith and Ellen, I feel as if I am o.k. and that truly, at least for that day, I have no worries. Kim would ask me, "Walter have you showered lately?" I would stop what I was doing and really think. Wow it was like 3 days since I got cleaned up. Truly I, smelled like shit. I was so focused on having a good time that I forget to worry about me, even still to this day, but I keep trying second to second, minute to minute, and day to day. I never boast about tomorrow, for I never know what a day might bring forth. THIS IS WHAT I was thinking and going through. I decide to play games to work the Cognitive part of my brain and who am I in the final with, MILTON, of all people, that’s Kim’s father’s name. WOW, to me, that’s really him saying hi, TAKE CARE OF MY DAUGHTER. There’s no doubt I will do my all to make her happy SIR. ? ? ? I THINK I hear my name being called and turn around and say to leave me alone. It was my waitress at Denny’s who told me how I never paid. She told me “the receipt that I filled out wasn’t the real one. SO, back in I went laughing with cash in hand APOLIGIZING. LISTEN I am living everyman’s fantasy. I have a 25 year old and her friend who is at least three years younger Chilin in my hotel room having drinks, taking layers off to be comfortable. No touching went on, we were all just looking, showing and imagining. IT CAN BE DONE, but I say there’s no need to indulge into Negativity. As like clockwork, beats on while now watching an injured dinosaur on Discovery. Natural meds, not pills, some tap water and at this moment there is nothing wrong with my life. I am at peace now. To me, it’s a trip how I lived at Christ Church from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. and I will always remember what it was, but now, it is what it is, David Lee is on singing Damn Good Times/ April 17th 2007 and when I was at Red Lobster people all talk the talk, but yet, they can’t and don’t walk the walk. See to me that is a broken promise. If you can’t say no, I can’t rather that than yes I can. There’s no doubt in my mind. It’s called BE REAL. With having my extra sense, I am now more driven and motivated with knowledge and power. I do realize time is of the essence and I realize that I need to shut the fuck up and just listen. I say to myself “Walter if they are not talking to you, don’t initiate. Just sit back and appreciate like SARAH MCCLOCKLIN said ENJOY THE SILENCE. My night is going to end here at Denny’s at the counter all by myself. Everyone working here is nice as heck and cool like ice. Now I am learning a free lesson in how to get through life. ITS FREE, IT’S CALLED FAITH. April 21st and it is now eight forty three in the morning and I am up making myself a plethora of things I soon need to conquer: #1 Florida #2 Apartment on the water #3 write a book I shall have whatever I say May 2nd and at 8:30 and I realize how much I really love music. I am downloading Floyd while watching American Idol using Dark Side of the Moon as Kim’s’ alarm clock. I am getting now a Positive vibe on how I am going to make my life and world flow again. Funny how out of all the songs I have been trying to get, Brain Damage is the only one I can’t get, of course. Being that I actually have brain damage, I feel as if this is a laugh and a test. My attitude on winning will carry me through. May 3rd 2007 and now I am waiting for Kim at 6:49 to get out of her last final. How chill is that? Our final goodbye to New Jersey and the beats that are on is a tight song called “Follow Me.” As I am following her, when she’s down, she will be following me to Orlando Florida to start living our dreams and turning them into reality. I feel as if I have shit on my face because guys and girls keep staring at me like I have three eyes. I see them looking, and I look away. I met my mate in Kim, I think and believe. . . I want to say to the guys looking at me that I am not strictly dickly. I am hooked on a womans’ body. Her curves, smell and smile make me love her more by the minute. There’s something about this little girl that has me hooked like drugs and I pray that I am going into the right direction. Grant it, it is eighteen hundred miles away, but so be it. When I see her I think how I can love her too forever until the day when we both die together Any one reading this, Always remember what you say to anyone. For me being a TBI patient, all that shit sticks like glue. It all gets stuck like glue in my strong, absent minded noggin. But Dr. Caroline Mccagg at JFK made me realize with my damaged brain that I am alive and stronger with life. May 19th and today Kim and I were so very blessed and together we signed a one year lease agreement for our first apartment ever. Each of us has never been able to take care of ourselves without somebody assisting. It’s a trip how after everyone doubted us, it was simple for her and I to just pack up a u-haul and a trailer for her car and move eighteen hundred miles. With nothing but our Positive outlook on life, we knew that being hard headed and driven, that we would find a place to call home eventually. Something doesn’t seem right with this place because during our walk through, the only problem that we had to write down was a broken screen door May 20th 2007 and now it’s @ 7:30 p.m. I was the last one at Social Security. I had to unlock the doors while there was some dude looking at me saying “are you here for your passport?” In my head I was laughing my ass off thinking “Walter, be cool man, this is your last shot at Social Security so chill and maybe you can eat some food today.” My case worker was a true YANKEE fan and I had het in tears laughing her butt off when I said “bUCK Foston.” Before I went into the office, I was Fortunate enough to have a conversation with a gentleman who just got back from Iraq, and he was having a very hard time because New Jersey had messed up. He has a problem with his brain from the chaos and from all the body parts he was picking up daily. Wow, I wish ALL of our AMERICAN TROOPS the best out of life for them and all the families. After these problems kept happening and ruining our personal belongings, I decided to take a walk through of our damaged apartment and make a very detailed list of all the numerous problems and hand it to the manager so she get fix this bullshit of a brand new apartment. *Brand new white carpet has a black, dirty, smelly scent since day one *People have been in this place since day one doing repairs (thought it was brand new?) *We haven’t had any hot water since day one and Kim couldn’t shower for her first day at work *The used hot water heater broke and flooded three rooms, while burning my feet *Washing machine vibrated against our closet door locking us out and it also burnt the footings to the carpet while putting holes in the wall, while breaking my picture of the New York Skyline. * The refrigerator keeps rolling into our dining room *The entire back door is cracked and broken and even the screen isn’t on track *Several windows are cracked and/or broken and none of our windows lock Since Kim and I saw that billboard and decided to Pray and give props to God, she and I have been conquering the impossible. In New Jersey after working for this cool cat Ruben waiting tables at Frankie’s Cafe she had that chipper, friendly, beep beep attitude and a few Drs. were there and asked her if she would be interested in being a Dental Assistant? So, in a nutshell, Four years and several 5 Star offices, now in Florida as a highly qualified E F D A (expanded functions dental assistan,” the difference now is She’s certified to do child profiles, do the zoom, and take X-RAYS Anywhere in the entire state of Florida. She has given it up to God; all that she ever imagined is right in front of her, plus an over abundance. Next, you have to remember that it’s slim to none that you will never find a job that you truly like. LISTEN, you are getting paid to be someone you’re not for 8 plus hours and in the brunt of it all, you have to THINK FIRST. That to me is the way I want to act, and think how with me saying: IS IT really worth losing that paycheck that you or I need so bad? That’s when You Suck It up Buttercup, put on your galoshes and walk through the shit.. No lies, I had that job also. I was a plumber for a hot minute, and in the middle of the summer, I assisted a driver going around vacuuming out all the portable bathrooms that were in need of drainage from all the job sites. And at my friends house Meredith, her parents paid me to walk around two and a half acres of land and poopers scoop all the land minds. God Bless them for the great spirit abd attitude about life. And with that information you can say that I actually did shovel SHIT for a living. It might have just been for a day or two, but I did now have money in my pocket for work performed I took myself of all drugs. I have to live with this pain daily because if I was chosen, I believe that I can get through life without any narcotics and for me there’s no need. It's my brain injury that makes it all fuzzy. I'm not really by anything, I know nobody and I'm willing and able but yet, I am so very limited to my abilities, BUT Blessings come every day when you pray. Another Example, when I lived in my first apt in Orlando, recently they didn't believe that I was truly Disabled. They were full of Negative Energy and the devil was taken money from me. So, I Prayed and asked God for guidance, and now HUD and Mr. Cardona both are involved. I have on my side THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA helping me to confirm my Disability, Social Security, and The Brain Injury Association of Florida. And wait, there’s more, I met you, and the Best I BELIEVE, the driver of my accident is now this month attending court and it’s not me against him, it’s the State of New Jersey, VS. So this would have to be an example of the over abundance that God gives to you when you give Praise. I am full of Life and with God Everything is going to be possible. 4 having TBI I know a little about A L O T God sent us all here to work together and we all are going to live the lifestyle of Praise, we are all connected, so we need to unite and work together. She and I were talking about when money isn't an issue, we both want to tour the country speeding A Positive Message on how since her and I packed up her room and my hotel room into a U-haul towing her Saturn with Nothing, Nowhere, and no idea where and what we were going to do, in North Carolina, I said" Kim, look out the window. The Billboard read: I'm in the book GOD. At that moment, she and I prayed to God and prayed God, please give us direction and be with us for we are with you. Lord, please, we beg of you. Point us in the right direction...........Soon it will be. I shall have whatever I say, this I know and guarantee myself. May 31st and its really crazy how all these book companies want me to fill out a brochure and I think honestly if I have to keep begging these companies to help get my story out to save lives, I think I want to stop bugging and chill until I get a sign and then I will know it’s my time to shine. But you know me, I will not take no for an answer. I strive to take Know for the final answer. If I am still here, my goal is to have my voice heard. Now I am asking myself how bad my life is really. As I open the freezer, I see seafood, steak, garlic and onions so I am going to stop writing and try to become a creative individual over the stove and grill. At least I will try my balls off cooking to make my love smile with satisfaction. June 10th and I walked over the office and handed them my electric bill. I told them since I had no screens and my only option was to run the AC twenty four seven and I even have those little lizards running through the two inch gap in my front door, that my bill should be paid by them. At first they said “no way.” After me being me and bitching and complaining they had no option but to pay our electric bill. Do you see how positive persistence and the correct way to use your vocabulary will get you exactly what you are looking for? The manager Michelle wanted to know how Kim and I thought we needed to be compensated for all the reoccurring problems that we have been encountering daily. I said to her how when we moved in the promotion was one hundred off for the first six months and honestly, the least she could do was give us one hundred off for the entire year of our lease. So, she agreed and printed out the adjustment to our contract. It was signed and dated by her so I thought that is also a binding contract. June 14th she walked over the new adjustment and said to me “here, is that cool Walter?” I said “yes and thank you Michelle.” June 27th and today is thirty one months for me to the day of my new beginning at a brand new, better life. I noticed this as I was hanging up my cell phone finalizing everything to get the two of my Godsons’ life insurance. June 29th 2007 and I am hoping and praying that when we get our electric bill that our apartment complex will pay the total bill. Since we don’t have any screens on our brand new, never lived in apartment, Kim and myself have no other option but to run our air conditioning twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. How can I being disabled be held responsible? I know how to build a house and I know for a fact that there are defiantly code violations with our new place that she and I now call home. I have had Code Enforcement, Orlando Police, and Orlando appraisers here to assist me. Since, I know for a fact one hundred and fifty percent that I am right, I honestly believe it’s the American way that since they haven’t followed the rules, regulations and guidelines that they should have to pay and be penalized for the unlawful lies and disrespect they try to pull over our American eyes to make that o mighty American dollar bill. I have realized after becoming disabled how to just know the laws and make sure you are always keeping a paper trail so that way when somebody comes up to you and calls you a liar, BOOM. I got proof mother fucker, what now bitch? The proof is in the pudding as the assholes face just so happens to drop to the ground in astonishment and disbelief. Just found out from someone while I was walking the streets that a duck cannot walk without bobbing its head. It may seem useless to know, but for me trying to get through life, I feel as if though I just got schooled for free. I have realized God sent me Bach here with a power. MIND OVER MATTER AMEN. June 30th and I realize I am an American with rights and how there are agencies out there to assist when people are in need. So, I wrote a letter (complaint) to The Better Business Bureau 4th of July and between us both for last month we made $1,000.00. It really isn’t that bad considering we have one another that are full of ambition and motivation. Today we are now living in Orlando Florida which just so happens to be inside of Orange County. Nature is beautiful. July 4th and I am wondering about this place we are now calling home because many problems have happened daily and none of them were our fault at all. They lied to us. They said that Kim and I will be the first tenants to live in this brand new apartment. Walking back from the store I noticed that the American flag was ripped. We were now living in little Havana and it is total disrespect that our colors be flown and shown in that state. So me being me, a proud American, I went into the office and bitched and complained for them to change the flag. By the end of the day there was suddenly a knock at the door. When I opened, there was some dude waving the ripped flag in my face saying to me something in Spanish. I said to him “sir, me no understand Spanish.” He turned around mad, and stomped his feet while leaving. July 7th 2007 =777 Derricks’’ Wedding Day . . ., Hooray and I am alive with life and energy. Kim was saying how leaving our house on her way to work how she wasn’t going to make anything at work from waiting tables at Bennigans. July 10th and in the mail today I got a response to the complaint that I filed with The Better Business Bureau stating the company that I made the complaint against is outside of the service area so they forwarded my case to an agency that’s around me that deals with this area. These non American illegal immigrants here are like cock roaches that only come out in packs and deep into the night. They are never out and they never complain. With fifteen or so deep in a one bedroom, they follow the rules and I am sure they are scared of being deported every day. Some of the determined, hard up with nothing to lose illegal immigrants always are standing out in front of the gas station at the corner of Stonewell Jackson and Semeron blvd (436) asking and begging for work and money. July 11th and I now received a letter from HUD U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT stating how they are going to review my correspondence and contact me directly in the next thirty days July 14th 2007 and I dropped off two store bought New York Cheesecake slices to an older couple that I happen to meet while walking to the mailbox. Eventually after seeing the cute ass couple for a few weeks and months, I felt at ease like I was at a place I liked to call home. They made me feel like I was family. I would hang in their house, borrow stamps, and just talk and laugh. I considered them to be my long lost Florida grandparents. Of course I had to tell them my story when they asked how I got all of my scars. And while leaving the house while both of their jaws where flat on the ground, I asked them to both please pray for me so I can eventually get out of this negative experience and join the world while smiling with happiness. July 16th 2007 and it is now ten twenty nine at night and she and I decide to make a pineapple as our centerpiece for our dining room table. We figure why can’t we live the lavish lifestyle and just wile out and enjoy this next step through life here in Orlando Florida, beating all the odds and negative energy from our families that we both endured while trying to be together as a one. We both agreed and we both said fuck you to both of our families. We loved each other and we both at that moment knew how this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Kim and I conquered everything that was against us and together as a team, we went against all odds that were trapping us both with our backs solid against the wall back in New Jersey. She and I are finally free after a lifelong trapped childhood being raised under mommies’ wings. In a few days I have to go to Social Security and I am really, really nervous and scared. I have been trying to do the best I can at this disabled lifestyle and I hope that something didn’t mysteriously pop up. When I awoke, there was a note on the table from Kim which read: Baby, please read over this very carefully. Call me tonight and we will go over it together. Please. I only want to get you what you deserve. I love you and am so proud of you. I will miss you baby. Hug, kiss, hug, kiss Love your K July 31st and Kim wrote me this note seal with her kiss. It’s cut to see her little ass lips. It reads: Walter, I love you sooooo much. Thank you for being my rock. I am so happy here in our home in Florida. See you soon. I love you soooooo much. Love K hug kiss hug kiss August 2nd 2007 6:17 pm just before I saw a guy next to a wheelchair with a sign that read “Please help me.” I said “you bro, you need to come here,” He then got up and walked over to my window. I said to him “bro, I saw you standing in the middle of the street a few days ago and now you are in a wheelchair. Why and how dumb do you think our society is man?” And at that moment, this guy became deaf and couldn’t hear what I was saying. So I told him to put hid hand out and gave him the rest of my hot Ham and Cheese sandwich. As he was looking dumbfounded in my direction, I drove away as soon as I could. I now realize how he and all his partners have a nice side business going. They take turns and work shifts standing at major intersections playing homeless while begging for these free hand outs. If our society is that wealthy and can afford to give their hard earned money away, so be it. We will be headed for a depression if we keep rapidly squandering our finances like this. August 6th and now there are weapons missing over in Iraq. Here we are with our brave soldiers at war trying to make the world a better place and now this bullshit. I feel as if we are in a losing battle. We really needs to bring those strong souls home safe and with their loved ones. I came home to another letter on my doorknob, but this letter was a letter to help with these assholes. It gave an officer’s name and personal cell phone number telling me to give him a call. August 13th and today I spoke with a nice woman from HUD and she gave me some contact information needed to assist with my housing discrimination case. Anyone who thinks being disabled is easy should listen to me and all that I am going through full time on a starving students’ budget. August 15th 2007 Hi Walter- Wow where to begin-ill start by Apologizing to you. You must think I’ve been ignoring you, but that’s not the case. The cell phone I had with Joe - - -first it, then I lost it, then I found it but unfortunately I had left it in the backyard & it rained so it was broke again. Then he got a new one & him and Iwere fighting again (shock!) And he stopped service. I, for years, fell into a “Joe fish” trap. I honestly believed eventually he would change & our relationship would be great. I didn’t listen to anyone-my children, my friends, even my therapist-Everyone knew what a disastrous road I was going down-except me. The reasoning he really made me feel loved, but at the same time he alienated me from all my loved ones-had me right where he wanted me- no friends around me, barely any family around-no job etc . . . All the while he made me feel loved, he was emotionally manipulating my mind into believing I was the biggest piece of shit on earth. I was drinking on & off & was in a massive state of depression & didn’t realize it He really got to me- to the point I tried to kill myself. I swallowed a box of sleeping pills & washed it down with a bottle of vodka. For some reason I drove to CentraState parking lot. The next day I was in the hospital Psychiatric Unit. While I was there, Dave, Jojo, Nance, Brook, Bobby & Lauren Went to Joes & got as much of my stuff as they could. He (of course) is being a d—k about me getting the rest of my things he owes me A lot of money which I’m sure I will never see. Hopefully by the weekend. Anyway, things are good now. I have a job M-F 5:00 PM- 9:00PM & SAT 9 AM TO 6 PM. I answer phone, write receipts, receptionist stuff. Actually, I’m here @ work now. I had to take a break in my letter writing (went to Jackson & got A lot of the Kitchen stuff) So - - -how are you? I will send your blankets A.S.A.P. I haven’t forgotten Please know you are always on my mind and forever in my heart Pre-paid phone for now. I’ll try to call from Lauren’s phone. Miss you& love you- Hope all is well & you are happy- That’s what’s important in life- Be true to yourself & be happy! Say hi to Kim Love ya MOMMY Lauren & I are living in a one bedroom apt in Spotswood. We still have no furniture & are sleeping on the floor (while scumbag has my bed still-Getting my stuff Surprisingly, my mother Nancy Lee got a hold of me again and wrote this: August 24, 2007 Hey Ollie. Just received your letter. I would Love to be pen-pals. I need the practice with my penmanship. The more the fibro advances, the worse my handwriting is getting It’s a very unpredictable=good days & bad just like the rest of me. I applied for N.J. Family Care-was approved, got excited the come to find out they made a mistake on the application so Lubelle has insurance but mine won’t go into effect till Oct. I have to wait to go to Drs. I’m going to see if I can make appointments now. I need to see specialists and there’s always a wait so maybe they’ll book my appointments insurance pending. I am at work and one of the salesmen printed out this cartoon and I thought you would want to know because I thought you would appreciate it. The co-worker (nice “kid”) is probably late 20’s w) girlfriend & a beautiful baby girl (few months) has a brother with a TBI. He also, unfortunately is a quadriplegic! He also was in an accident & in a Coma (3 months) so he knows & can relate to all we’ve been through. Nice guy. Everyone here is pretty nice. It’s a perfect job for me-Saturdays “it’s all good!”(I’ve been dying to say that-thought it would make you smile) . Anywho… I’ll try and fill you in on “what’s new in Jersey. Jesi & Bobby & the kids are supposed to be getting a house Sept 1st. The same landlord on Greystone road Jerrry (JP) bordered- floors in lieu of security. $1,200 monthly just in rent, not to mention all other utilities & food, gas-you know. I talked to Jesi today & told her this is her chance to change her life & the lives of her children. I even offered to help w)? Watching the children as much as I can. I also expressed how necessary & vitally important it is to get those kids out of that environment before it’s too late! Hope she pulls through okay. All I can do is be there for her. What else, let’s see, Lauren “officially” has a boyfriend Adam(that was my first boyfriends name) also but it was around elementary, middle school so the farthest anything between us went was a kiss on the cheek. He’s a nice boy-football team goes to Spotswood High & Vo tech, Sunday when I go get the last of my stuff @Joe’s the only communication w/ Joe will be getting my $. If I get any- if not live & learn. Speaking of $- I certainly hope you invested $ you received from your retro S.S. Will talk about that next time we talk I can’t write anymore. Keep in touch-When you write back fill me in on your life-Tell me about the TBI Spokesperson thing. Tell me about Kim, the apt - - I want to know it all! Talk to you soon- Love you Tons- MOMMY THE CARTOON READS AS SO: It’s a guy with a pick ax digging underneath the ground digging his ass off and he’s right there next to a treasure chest and it says “Never Stop Digging Chances are you’re closer than you think.” I wrote on both sides. You would think a time comes in your life when you finally get it and on the other side I wrote APPRECIATING NATURE FOR A HEALTHY TOMORROW September 3rd 2007 and here is the reply letter I wrote to my mother: Mom, right off the bat, the back pay furnished and paid for where we live now in Florida. Now every month I get paid on the 3rd, pay all my bills and I am broke on the fourth. I hate that now I can no longer take care of myself. If the tables were turned and I was the one driving, I would have walked through a Hurricane the eighteen hundred plus miles to be there every week giving Brook, Bobby and their child money and necessities that were needed to survive daily. Trust me Robert Barry Jr., I do know it was an accident but everyone, including you, everyone looks at me like a chicken with his head cut off and I wonder why? I am not lying trying to make anyone feel bad at all. Robert Barry Jr. I beg of you: Please forgive me for I have forgiven you.Please. Never do I ever wish for anyone ever to have to endure and try to get through life as it is thrown at you for the first time to be a shitty test like this one I am going through. Now I am in tears and in my room I go to talk to myself. I figure how Walter doesn’t judge Walter and Walter listens to Walter, so regardless of it all, Walter is finally at Peace on Earth. My only place to relax and enjoy life was in my room alone. Everyone says how” it’s alright because Bobby didn’t mean it and we are both fine and I should be thankful I am alive because I was in pretty bad shape and I was close to death. I should be thankful.” DAILY LIFE IS IMPOSSIBLE, but I will get through life and this simple daily test. August 19th and I got another letter from HUD stating that I filed a complaint and it’s in the works. I am again taking baby steps because by me letting our law and our government work on it, I know that it will be all good when they have all the proper information that is needed to get the money they unlawfully stole from me. August 25th and I went downtown Orlando the appropriate office to fill out paperwork to seal the deal with my decimation complaint. August 31st and the new manager over at the office wrote me a letter of recommendation stating how she being the new manager is very pleased to have me as a tenant and if they have any questions, they are to feel free and call her. Every manager here likes me and tries to fix all the problems that keep just popping up. September 19th 2007 and I now have another appointment with FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION. I am finally excited and I believe this is a step towards having my voice heard. I am in need of having our next generation learn from my one stupid mistake that has ruined my life forever. September 27th and I asked the office to please print me out a list of the concessions given to my apartment, and later in the day a lady who I never saw and never met was at my door with a letter. It read as follows: May 07: $69.91 June 07: $Full Rent ($645) July 07 $100.00 Aug 07 $188.70 Sept 07: $309. We have given you the concession in September to compensate for a damaged picture on your wall. We have made all the repairs to your apartment that you have brought to our attention and sincerely hope that going forward you will have no more problems. As of today you owe $335.30 for September rent and will owe $645 for October rent. October rent will be due on the 1st of October. The balance of September needs to be paid in full by the end of October. We have waived late fees for September. We will not go forward with eviction proceedings if October rent is paid in full and on time. The new manager wrote and signed what was the deal with September and October saying September rent is free and only two hundred and fifty two dollars is due for October. After I thought that was the deal only two hundred and fifty two dollars was owed , after all this bullshit I had to pay one thousand and sixteen dollars now or we were going to be evicted. October 2nd and I now realize with all this shit going on how no matter where I go and no matter what I do, there is going to be assholes and problems. This I keep putting in my head is just a test, and I say to myself inside my damaged head, “Walter, how strong of a man are you?” I know that I will prevail just like the best team ever, THE NEW YORK YANKEES. While outside cleaning up during the storm, I found a lighter for the grill that was on the table, and it still worked. It wasn’t affected. I need and want to be that lighter. I do have an attitude like that and it ain’t nothing but a chicken wing. Daily now I have realized it’s free, so I keep realizing and thanking the Lord. I have two Dr Appointments coming up in a few days and I am wondering how I am going to get there with no wheels and not a penny in my pocket. Where there is a will, there is a way, somehow I pray. October 3rd and I can eat because I got paid in food stamps. I feel as if it’s my birthday. To you it’s only food, but to me, now my world seems like a happier place. I use this herb that god put here for us and like him saying that it is good. I have no worries and my pain almost vanishes. I have no idea what day it is today, but I do know that in a few Kim and I are going to Universal Studios to see The Blue Man Group October 4th and I just dropped Kim off and there was a Mexican in my face yelling trying to be the big man on campus. There were two lady cops here immediately and they were both saying to me how this is one of the worst areas and how I really need to go and see a realtor and try to move to a nicer, saver place. With all this going on, I realize how I need to stay focused because in one hour I have another Doctor appointment. I pray for answers and we will see. Book, I will let you know what happened. Just got back from the Doctor and he said that everything is cool. It was a trip how I was able to stump the Doctor when I asked him what false vocal cords were. He had no idea and we were both dumbfounded like whoa, wondering how suddenly I came up with that question? October 4th 2007 9:54 pm and the letter to PEOPLE is now complete and will be out tomorrow First Class. They are looking, and I am trying to be the face of WHO WILL BE THE PEOPLE SEXIEST FAN ALIVE? What do I have to lose? It’s free to take a shot at winning a VIP trip for two to a MLB WORLD SERIES game. There’s NO DOUBT I will be seeing THE NEW YORK YANKEES. We bust our ass and when we have got a hot minute, we like go and be young just enjoying life. Now Kim and I hardly ever fight anymore. We are at peace with our faith and confidence. We are no longer feeling the need for negativity. Just appreciation on how far we have both come while giving it up to the man who gave it all up for us. October 5th and it is now 12:54 p.m. and now there is no more skitter scatter outside thankfully because it was horrible and scary so I decided to chill out and then suddenly I made my positive bubble inside beautiful while having a bowl of all natural cereal while laying on my airbed playing Texas Hold’ em on my NEW YORK YANKEES TV. Lord I thank you for this day. I pray every day and I now realize how everyday a test is going to be thrown at you. I am always expecting the unexpected at anytime because I realize, that’s why they are called accidents. Lord, I thank you once again because while Kim was at the Dollar Tree, a homeless, drunk black guy was harassing a little girl and while doing so, he followed Kim around her car. Thankfully you saw that she got into her car safe still saying “Get away from me.” Now the 6th at 11:44 at night and I get repeating to myself how people will look, listen and learn from my horrible situation and not be dumb like me and how they hopefully will think first. I have to iron Kim’s gear for work tomorrow. I really don’t mind because I like taking something that is a mess, put my magic touch on it, and make it all go away to be nice, neat and nothing but all good October 8th 2007 and I just received a letter saying how I was referred to the Florida Department of Health’s Brain & Spinal Cord Injury Program by Orlando Regional Medical Center for possible assistance related to the Brain and Spinal Cord Injury that I have sustained in New Jersey. Now the 9th, I believe and the fat Dr. that I saw today was telling me how my Social Security will eventually run out and how I really need to start being realistic and how I need to start looking for a job. I explained to this nerve Dr how I am really lost and confused and I can’t even remember to take a shower, so I am asking him how he figures that he knows that I can when I tell him again how I moved out when I was sixteen and starting my mission trying to build myself into a man? Since he is a nerve Dr, I tell him how I still am in need of tremendous therapy as well as how I am in need of pain control. I explain to him how I believe how I would be good to go if I was without my loss of memory and concentration and I was without this agonizing pain twenty four seven. October 10th and when I opened my front door to look at the palm tree right in front of my door, I saw a note attached to my door that was dated yesterday, which was October 9th, and it read that we owed three hundred thirty five dollars and thirty cents that needed to be paid in two days or we were going to be kicked out. I begged, borrowed, and did everything but steal to somehow come up with the money owed because I didn’t give a shit about me, I was worried about my baby doll being without a roof over her head. I took her away from her mother’s house after twenty seven years and I would have to do whatever possible to keep her from worrying. I refused to let her be upset, and me turning into a man, that was my main goal, to make my love smile with happiness and feel at home. This threatening eviction letter was dated for one day, and dropped off one day later giving us two days to come up somehow with over three hundred bucks Wow, to me this is weird. We pay our bills on time; have had nothing but nonstop problems since day one and now this. October 11th and I was awake at six thirty, had breakfast made by seven and I was straightening my back and resting by eight. I am happy here in my positive bubble of hope all alone with my baby doll. I am so scared of the public because I feel as if though all eyes are on me concentrating and trying to figure out why I keep stretching and bending awkwardly. Also even walking to the corner store for food, I am scared and in fear of all the illegal Mexicans begging and throwing looks in my directions asking if I need help or if I want to buy any drugs. They all just happen to be all about themselves and survival. My mind is going loco and in circles trying to keep from getting into a fight with all these guys who really believe that they own this country. I will beat them down if needed to represent the U.S.A. This just came to my head and I am wondering why I heard there was brail at the drive thru? My body and mind can’t handle any more of this and I am wondering how much more I am going to be able to endure before I lose it all. But then I say to myself, NEVER.---Aecadia--- October 12th and at five thirty I woke up and made coffee and at six I went and got air in the tires for Kim so she can get to work. When I got home, I went to the mail box to check and drop off mail. At seven I decided to finally rest my achy body. Now it is eight and I am writing all I did into this diary for future references. Now at eight ten, I need to rest again because my mind can’t stop thinking on how I am so tired but yet, I cannot rest at all because I need to be active and get shit done, like I’m normal. Just like the rest of everyone. I keep repeating to myself how I just have to deal with it and suck it up because I was dealt some shitty cards because I Belief that I was an asshole and I only gave out negative vibes. I dealt this out in the past and now I am on the receiving end. Life comes around totally so treat people only as you yourself want to be treated. I just found a note from June 2007 stating that you would think a time comes in your life when you finally get it. I thought I did get it and with all the problems from this apartment, I am lost, scared and confused. October 14th at it is now 11:28 p.m. and I had an absolutely amazing time yesterday with Kim for our Two year anniversary while our names were uo on stage at Universal Studios seeing The Blue Man Group. October 15th and I am thinking how funny it is how all the people were laughing at me in New Jersey. It’s all good because soon my persistence will pay off. People I will tell you as again to get ready. Be ready to roll with the waves and punches because this shit is real. To the public I say from my experience remember please, when somebody, anybody is going through a tough time, never tell them what they should do because that is what you believe is right. The patient is trying to learn and deal with these cards they were dealt trying to figure out how to make it all now work. Today I truthfully feel that shit is going to hit the fan. Good or bad, I am ready for this test so bring it because with no worries, I got this shit with confidence. While I am trying to make all this work, I called several departments and I was hung up on several times. A test I will pass. I need to go back to college and start heading towards my Masters. October 16th and now at 12:37 am Kim and I are done as far as I know. We both dislike one another and we decided to call it quits again. It is what it is. It wasn’t even two minutes that went by and she was barking orders at me already. I’m lost and confused. God I leave it in your hands. I have that lost felling again and I am now thinking how I am probably better off alone. Lord, I thank you for this situation and this test that I know I will conquer and get through. All of everything and please watch over me while I sleep. Thank you Lord. It is now12:35 in the afternoon and thankfully I have this piece of paper that listens and never, ever judges anything I have to say. This will be out soon enough. This I guarantee thee. If you doubt me, don’t because you will see. Just got back from a office dealing with Florida trying to help me and the result was, I need glasses. I need help and now I have no shame in my game asking for help when needed. At 1:34 off I go to the post office, the public library, Dollar Tree, the eye Doctor and finally going to hopefully see my soul mate whose name one day will be Kimberly Ann Moryan. Suddenly, plans have now changed and now I have to go see a nerve Dr immediately. Now back and this Dr. said the following to me after tests how I am heliacally unorganized, how the organizational part of my brain has been damaged, my memory is now shot, my energy is totally out of control, how I am a manic depressive, how I have a happy half and a crappy half and how I have to learn how to take shit from others. I need to suck it up buttercup. October 18th and another letter was at our front door. I wondered why they couldn’t knock and hand it to me personally. It said how now we owe them an extra hundred dollars due to the returned check. At the beginning of October Kim and I walked over to the office and told the manager how the check for rent is not going to be any good but to make up for it, we have a money order for rent and we will gladly give it to you. Every day since I informed the office of the minor problem, I have walked over to the office and she said to me how she will let me know when it comes in and that we have absolutely nothing to worry about. Every month when our rent is due, they try pulling a scam to somehow get more money out of us. The thing that they don’t realize is we are both from New Jersey and you can’t hustle a hustler. I have nobody but my diary so I need to make another entry. We moved into a brand new apartment, well so we were told. They said nobody has ever lived here and we will be the first ones. The used hot water heater burst and covered three rooms as well as our personal belongings we were moving in from our storage unit. I paid thirty dollars to have my satellite dish cemented to a pole so that way, it wasn’t attached to any of their property. The office said I have to rip it down because satellite dishes were not allowed. Meanwhile the office had three dishes on the roof of the leasing office that was practically right out my back and front door. We were literally right across the street from the leasing office. We have had leaky faucets and shower and they have said they will be by when they can. I had to bitch saying how they are not the ones paying the water bill and how this shit needs to be taken care of immediately. My nine eleven picture broke due to faulty installation of our brand new never used washer and dryer both in one machine. The pool has been closed for two months and the color green on top worries me. I want to help and buy them chemicals to clean the contaminated pool. Kim has asthma and I am sure her as well as all the little ones running around and playing should not be inhaling that filth. I hope and pray nobody winds up terminally ill. I do live in America, and I realize how I need to contact the proper association to handle my problems for me. I was compensated again by the third new manager and her boss soon after came by and said no. She said how we needed to pay or she was going to fire the pregnant woman. When I heard that, I needed to somehow come up with that money because I would feel like a total piece of shit if she was to get her fired for trying to compensate me for the problems of the association she was now in charge of. Having Code Enforcement and Orlando Police to my apartment several times, I don’t know what more I can do. She says repeatedly to me how I am lying and how I need to stop being lazy and go out and get a job to help my poor girlfriend who is paying all the bills for me. I am not lying and I wish she knew what I was trying to get through during my recovery. Of course, what did I find? Another note around my door handle saying how satellite dishes are not allowed on property. I felt like I was doing wrong so I called and cancelled my service. After being fined for early termination, I went to the office wondering how I am responsible for these fees and fines. The office said how they were sorry and how I didn’t have to take it down. Yes I do have TBI, but getting several different rules from several different employees keeps confusing the shit out of me. They are a business running on no communication within the employees, and yet, we are the ones to suffer and pay. I am hoping our government helps me through this tough time here. It is amazing to me how everyone hates our Government, but when times get rough and we need help, then we give respect because we are in need of attention. . Halloween of 2007 and being in agonizing pain I had to go to a clinic to be seen so they can somehow tell me what I have to do now to feel better. I feel so very fortunate to be able to get here walking several miles on my own and I realize how fortunate I am now and how far I have come in just a short amount of time. I realize now how to take my life one day at a time. And fuck it, whatever happens, it happens for a reason. Be a man and pass this test, or be a little bitch crying running home to mommy for assistance to make it all go away so you can feel better. I don’t think so. Hommy don’t play that role.(In Living Color) For me to be here on earth, that was the plan. Jesus Christ who spared me, you are the man. The result of me coming to this Dr was they wrote me a script for Lithium 300 MG. I will try this pill, but I know that I will wind up flushing them down the toilet. My goal is to live without taking any narcotics and feel one hundred percent happy with my life. They way my mind and body areuse to and realize after fighting the pain for this long how I might as well get used to it. I believe the pain I have to just incorporate into my day. NOVEMBER 21st 2007 and what I do realize is how your brain has no compassion. Six days will be three years to the day of my accident and I am still trying to let all this soak in. I just realized again how cleaning & organizing my house for me is a Hugh responsibility that is over looked by everyone but me and Jesus. I am so very persistent. My Faith and my Positive outlook on life will carry me through these tough times. Amen NOVEMBER 27, 2007 WOW 3 YEARS! Its funny how I was helping my new friend down here in Florida JJ crush his cans he collects daily for an income when I told him that I was going and taking a break to walk down the street and get myself a cup of coffee. He was bitching and telling me how I needed to do more cans before I can take a break. I laughed and said, “John I am helping you for free. I think that I am aloud to walk down the street and with my own money, buy myself a drink, so peace.” When I finally found a store that had a cup of coffee, I flirted with the two ladies behind the counter and wind up getting my cup of coffee for free. After walking to the store wondering how this guy, who also has TBI is thinking he can tell me when I can do anything. Hey, I am here to help him out. He has limited mobility and I can honestly be his two legs and his two arms. Along with my damaged back I am trying my best.. But I am here to help out a soul who is in need John and I met at a Brain Injury Support Group, went to a few poker tournaments, and just chilled. He was forty one and a cool guy. His mother Gloria is an angel with a solid heart of gold in her little frail body. While at his house, I noticed the most beautiful thing in the world to me, 2 squirrels playing tag with one another in several trees. LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND TO OUR YOUTH, I BEG OF YOU to look at what can happen, Listen, and Learn from my stupid one mistake Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere, IT CAN AND WILL HAPPEN when you least expect it. BOOM! I stopped by Kim’s work at Bennigans and talked to the coolest guy named Zoe. This guy is a real man who is here to make us smile and appreciate life. He ALWAYS lifts our spirits. No matter what we are going through. THINK OF IT and ask Zoe, he will solve your problems. Yup John, who was driving, bought me three drinks while I was playing in the Turbo round playing for the title. AND GUESS WHAT. . . I WON and I was the head honcho for the night. NOVEMBER 28th 2007 today is like WOW. Why you ask? What is Walter doing? I am packing for vacation. I, Walter, called it, EVERYTHING IN THREES. I realize how nobody will EVER hear or see life the way I do. Example: I say…Whose going to rock the nation me. And what is heard and what everyone hears. . . Has anyone seen a gay hat ion lee? I try to be quite and shut the Front door. HONESTLY, I TRY. I am now disabled so I BEG of you AMERICA, PLEASE LEARN ABOUT MY DISABILITY and work with me world. TODAY IS DAY 1 FOR ME and I am so trying to forget about NOVEMBER 27, 2004. December 2nd 2007 the surprise 60th for Kim’s mother that she planned from Florida went over amazing. The aftermath was horrible. She and I were homeless with our luggage and an airbed at three in the morning. LUCKILY, a great friend of Kim’s, Natty and he husband to be Victor have great hearts. So, thankfully, we had a clean place to stay, I just got back from walking right down the street to a middle school and filled out a volunteer application. I spoke to the lady in charge and explained my reason for wanting to speak. She shook my hand while smiling and said “you are exactly want I want and exactly who I want to speak to the children.” What just happened, I keep thinking as I am writing this down. It sounds too good to be true. My past is going to come back to haunt me this I know. I now look into the future and wait. December 8th 8:57 am and as I am thanking the Lord, boom, this thought comes into my head: I need to stop making excuses and start making solutions. So be it. It is what it is. With that thought in my head, off I go for our first ever real Christmas tree and after I need to go get two MRI tests. One MRI is for my brain and the other for my spine. I will know in a few days what the results said. December 5th 2007 12:25 pm and I walked to the school and filled out the volunteer application to be a guest speaker at a school that Yolanda from MADD referred me to and suggested that I go and speak and tell my amazing story to help the next generation learn from my stupid mistakes. December 12th 2007 and I just got this text from this dude Jason I met at my brain injury support group, and he wrote to me: Walter, writing books about the past or the future is easy. I wish you could write a book on current time, but then you would be God. Not worrying about the past and predicting and controlling the future. Well I guess our job is just to live life and guess about the future. Freedom of choice. Heaven or hell? You have heard all this before. Good fucking luck. The New York Post will say, “Life and death by Walter.” Don’t make that the only thing that they say about you. You probably hear me knocking, but I can’t come in. Think about it. I wish you luck, good or bad. Jason B December 13th 2007 12:17 pm. In the mail it was saying if and when I get hurt again, my share of cost went up by fifteen dollars and my food stamp assistance dropped by seven dollars. Now I realize that there are two results in every situation. Good and bad that will come out. Controllable and uncontrollable. But this is why I call myself Hurricane Walter because an over abundance of really tough tests are now being thrown at me. But I always remember how I HAVE CONQUERED DEATH so no matter what it is that I have to deal with, NO WORRIES, BECAUSE I GOT THIS. December 18th and I needed to inform Kim how the wicked words she throws and me are like daggers going straight into my soul. I wrote and asked for her to please stop calling me asshole and brain trauma retard because she is actually killing me when she thinks it’s just words. She read what I wrote and responded saying how she is so sorry and never again. She said I’m sorry and never again. December 20th 2007 9:02 am I really just need to chill ax and realize it’s All in Gods Timing. December 26th 2007 1:29 pm and I am getting ready to go and pick up my results from my two MRI tests. After getting home and looking at my results, one MRI says I have a bulging disc and not a herniated disc. My brain they said seems to be working alright and everything looks good from what they see. I beg to differ. I am trying to get answers on why am I so confused and scared. December 27th 2007 and I just got off the phone with Yolanda Larson the Executive Director of MADD and she and I were cool with each other. She’s going to help me tremendously in my goal to have my voice heard. The nice lady is now sending an email to start up the process of having my voice heard to the appropriate audience. When I was in East Brunswick New Jersey talking to a guy in front of me and of course I had to tell the gentleman my story, all he could tell me was to Network, Network, and Network. I will try. December 27th and I got the letter from my lawyer that I have been dying to see. It read that the full limits of my PIP (personal injury protection) has been paid. A large amount went to the hospital I was initially at. The balance was paid to my rehab hospital. My benefits have been exhausted, but I am happy the people who were there finally got paid for their success. December 29th 2007 and tonight another blessing in disguise because we are getting ready to go and see Joan Jett live in front of city hall located Downtown Orlando. How much is it you ask? It’s free. My philosophy is if it’s free, it’s for me. January 2nd 2007 11:56 am I was just told by a cop friend Keith that I am allowed to get a gun. It’s totally legal and it’s all good if someone comes into my house threatening my life to bust a cap in their ass. I know I would and that is the reason why I can’t get a piece. I would somehow wind up behind bars, so no dice on getting a piece. I AM HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE AT THIS MOMENT because in a second flat, I could lose it all Same day 3:54 and it’s so funny how my ancient immigrant from upstairs knocked at my door, she smiled at me and then, she smacked me right in the face. She said “, TO LOUD!” I apologized and turned the music down to zero. I have the utmost respect to anyone older than me. That really freaked me out and made me think how smart I was to just walk away in peace. With that opportunity to grab me and say “Go ahead Walter and do it. You are to protect you and Kim aren’t you? So, Walter, you need to just pull the trigger. It’s legal here in Florida right?” All these negative vibes rumbling through my head, this quote popped into my noggin: Stay focused because you need structure to have stability. January 4th 4:08pm and I am giving it all I got. There has been something stuck in my head about throwing down at The Pantry Room somewhere soon in the near future. Don’t know where or how, but after being at The Pantry Room at Universal Studios in Orlando, I had the best time and wanted my life to be relaxed like it was when we were at Universal Studios parting at The Pantry Room for a Christmas party for the job that she was now working. January 8th and just when I thought it was now all good, I was wrong. I came home again to another note attached to my door handle saying now how we owed two hundred dollars and how it needed to be paid by the fourteenth or we were again going to be kicked out. This shit is getting old. We pay all of our bills on time and they still want more. I am all freaked out man. It’s crazy how every month they have tried pulling a scam and in the long run, by me being a stubborn bull, they wound up giving me concessions every month. I didn’t pull any scams like they are. They knew they were at fault and thought that would shut me up and keep me from bitching and complaining anymore. SO THEY THOUGHT. January 11th and I got a bill from a collection agency stating they want the money for when I stayed at CentraState Hospital. I gave them all of the insurance information regarding the car I was in that made me disabled. January 23rd 2008 4:11pm Just got back from walking two and a half miles, a little over an hour to Catholic Charities to fill out a volunteer application to lend a hand in anyway needed. I told them I live on the same road; it’s just a little over a hop, skip, and a jump away from here. Walking back from Catholic Charities I stopped at a TV store and checked out a thirty seven inch flat screen for six hundred and seventeen dollars. I have two options as usual. I can but it now and have nothing to survive with for the month, or I can get it now, and pay later. I do realize I can’t be big Willie. So, the twelfth of never it is and it’s going to have to be a no go. January 24th 2008 9:11 and wow, no lie. I heard my now neighbors locked inside of their apartment. After a split second, I walked over and knocked. Victor said like a kid lost “I AM STUCK.” “STAND BACK!” After Victor told me he was clear of the door, with all the power God gave me, I kicked as hard as I could and suddenly Victor was free. It’s funny how Yvette was rude and wasn’t respectful telling Victor how his mother Janet never put in a complaint prior to the door locking him in. Now its 10:26 and I had to let my boy Los and Kim know what I had to endure. After I finished, I heard a loud bang at the door and I thought it was Victor. When I opened suddenly my hands were both grabbed and I was smacked across the face by the eighty one year old immigrant from upstairs again. After Kim got home from work she flipped shits when I told her what had happened. Her little ass was ready to go upstairs and throw down with that eighty one year old bitch. So we got into the car and went Downtown to the Orlando Police Department and filed a complaint to this woman who truly believed it was cool and it was alright because she was like a grandmother to me. WHAT, I WONDERED? I asked her “What the fuck are you hitting me for?” She said because she considers me to be her grandson because I am so young. Again she was trying to be my Grandmother saying to me “Remember life is what you make of it. Stop, you are not hurt. Stop, and look at you. You are fine. You can work. You are not disabled. STOP and now its 10:42pm not even twenty minutes have passed and this cluster of craziness is at my front door knocking and smacking my face again. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. I need to start a paper trail and get all this shit documented. I can and will not throw down with this eighty one year old confused little peanut of a woman. I went to the office complaining about how everyday there are people banging yelling Spanish at us through the locked door, and I needed something done because I was scared. This is what the management Yvette Barbarosa gave me. A note that read: No Vive aqui which says they don’t live here No me moleste which read don’t bother me Voy a llomarLe policia which reads I am going to call the cops “What is this I asked?” She said to me how this is going to keep all the people away from us because of what it says. January 25th 2008 and enough is enough already says Kim. When she got home from work and I told her how the old bitch upstairs came down and smacked me again in the face, Kim said “Let’s go to the Police department and file a complaint so she stops putting her hands on you anymore because this is getting really out of control lover.” Honestly I felt like a little bitch not being able to take care of myself. But I think that I went about it the right way doing what I did and going to the Orlando Police station to file a complaint or twelve against the lady who ever time I opened my door, she smacked me in the face. I thought my new place in Florida would be everything I ever dreamed of. That was until I kept getting roughed up by this old lady that I could never, ever raise a hand to. Even if I was on the ground bleeding, I would never even think about defending myself. January 30th 2008 and in two days we are going to pick up Scuba Steve W and bring his ass up here. It’s only way over two and a half hours one way and Kim and I have to make that long ass trip three times and only she is the only one again for food, drinks, gas, tolls and any other miscellaneous things that just so happen to come up. Steve and Kim were talking all about getting busy making a scrapbook. Let’s go big blue and I don’t stop there with the colors. RED WHITE BLUE will come out a winner. I now have nothing to do all day but chill and just simply relax. I called Florida Hospital trying to meet up with speech pathologists to fix my raspy voice and for me to be on point with my conversation when speaking to anyone about anything that has been going on in my life. Being disabled is truly a full time job. This shit is for real. Today started out as a day for me to just chill out and just appreciate life, but you know how that goes. When you think you can chill out and relax. You know something is bound to pop up and fuck up your plans that you just made. As I thought I could chill, I am now waiting for the referral department to call me back with my primary information. Wow, and I thought that I actually had a day off. Well, like I said, I thought. With all this going on, I decided to write a original letter to the woman who helped in my recovery whose name was Dr. McCagg. She will get the original that I plan on writing from my damaged soul. February 5th 2008 and Kim and I showed Scuba Steve a taste of how we roll now in Orlando. THE NEW YORK GIANTS ARE SUPERBOWL CHAMPIONS 2008, and to celebrate I registered for cooking school. I was chilling when suddenly a knock came to my door. I wound up making twenty dollars off a birdcage that she and I picked from the road in the garbage. I asked for forty and she talked me down. Neighbors that I met, a nice older couple asked me when I saw them what happened to the birdcage. When I told them, both of them were shocked. They told me how I sold her an old antique and it was worth several hundred and how the lady straight up beat me badly. I told them the story and I said a prayer for that poor lady. She knew I was disabled and she took advantage of a lost, confused soul. I made twenty dollars off of something that Kim and I picked out of the garbage driving back to our pad. How was I the one who was affected by her negative energy? I WASN’T AT ALL. It was totally covered inside with shit and I had to help carry it because it had a broken leg. Love the fact that I am actually growing a palm tree in my bathroom in my first ever apartment that happens to be in Orlando Florida of all places. Also today in the mail came a letter from FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH saying how they needed a Hugh amount of information stating and describing my injuries, to prove to them that I am not talking shit or blowing smoke up their ass. Along with MRI and my CT scan records at the several hospitals in several different states, they still need more. February 18th 2008 and it’s 9:04 and it’s amazing how God works. I was just thinking how at our first apartment in Orlando, out of nowhere, suddenly I had to go to the office to bitch and complain on behalf of all the illegal immigrants that are two scared to speak up because they know having twenty plus people living in a one bedroom isn’t allowed here in The United States of America. *Do you see how my brain now operates? I am always all over the place trying to make a dollar out of a pocket full of I O U’s. Wishing I can just simply make sense of this all so I can just move on with life taking care of myself like I have been doing for years before that one day I was the stupidest man in the universe and trusted someone who said he was sober and he can drive. “Trust me.” The last words I remember before getting into the car. After bitching about the shitty laundry mat for my fellow residents, I bitched on behalf of Kim and myself since we were the only two Americans and told them how the ripped American flag needed to be changed because we are living in America and that it total disrespect for the country that we all are living in. February 19th and I received another letter from HUD giving me more numbers to call. February 21st and while at a meeting with a group they call themselves The Toastmasters, I battled against one of them and I won Best Table Topics. This group is cool because I am chilling with a group of mixed individuals who all are there to learn and share all of their knowledge with fellow Toastmasters. I learned from a Dr that melanoma is hereditary. Melanoma is skin cancer March 6th 2008 it’s so crazy how it took me six months to get this one appointment, only to having to make three other appointments prior. I realize how being disabled is really a full time job, but yet in New Jersey I was being told how I was just being lazy and that I just needed to wake up and finally start working. That is the main reason I needed to bounce out of Jersey and move eighteen hundred plus miles away to a happier environment. Having nonstop problems, I decided to write a letter to the manager Michelle who was in charge of this shitty place that I now called home. I was going on a downward spiral and after paying all my bills I was wondering how this was my fault. So I wrote: Michelle, after five days of several crews repairing my brand new, never lived in apartment because of the flood from the used hot water heater. Everything in every single room was damaged and or broken and I was told that Kim and I were going to be the first residents. Michelle, after five days I couldn’t even open the screen to the door or any of the windows. I felt like I was a prisoner in little Havana. Michelle, I am so very afraid to get our stuff from New Jersey that we stored in a dependable U-haul unit on highway fifty. Michelle, if I was to do so, I wonder what catastrophe would happen on that day. If you wonder why I am acting shady like this, it is because I was recently today shocked and electrocuted and I honestly feel as if we should be compensated for our horrible experiences on a daily basis. March 8th 2008 and this is the reason that I moved out of harm’s way to paradise. I now am so very blessed to be able to awake to palm trees and lizards and again tonight at the same spot we are going to see Foreigner, and it’s free again. We pay five bucks for parking in a garage and walk right across the street to feast and enjoy. Lord be with me for I am with you March 18th 2008 my second appointment with my nerve doctor today. I AM SCARED. Kim is being a great soul, because she’s helping out a fellow coworker by giving her a ride to work rather than take a bunch of buses over a few hours just to get to work. Kim and I decided to be sober for St. Patrick’s Day and while cooking corn beef, she burned her stomach terribly, but we laughed. We decided to turn on the news and we saw a guy who wound up waking up naked in poison ivy. And I thought I had problems while we were both laughing about his wacked out arrested ass. April 2nd 2008 and watching the news, today will now be a moment of silence to all the schools for equal rights. I will soon be holding down the fort for my buddy Greg at work. There is that party at The Pantry Room that I knew I was going to be throwing soon one day in the future. Now it is 8:44 am and I am leaving for my two and a half mile walk to Catholic Charities. I have only thirty seven cents in my pocket, but the fact that I am doing what I am doing makes me feel amazingly rich. Lord I thank you every second of every day AMEN. April 10th 2008 and I am going to Catholic Charities early tomorrow to hold down the fort while my buddy has to leave and go to a meeting. Not bad, I believe I am doing well for a soul in need. April 14th and I had to ask for a copy of my payment history throughout our lease. Its cool how out of twelve times Kim and I were only late one time. It should have never been but, so be it. A sign read while driving by Stop looking Start living @ Reflections by AIMCO We will live there, this I say, and therefore I have Faith and 100 percent confidence . My house now in Casselberry Florida is like a museum. I only see the good in everything that I am involved with. I truly see and make it my passion, what I love because this is now my dream come true. I live on the water with a YANKEE room, and nobody judging what Kim or I do anymore. When we were locked and couldn’t get out of Jersey, what she and I are now doing is EXACTLY what we were both searching for. APRIL 29th 2008 it’s funny how life works. EVERYTHING I had three years ago, I no longer have and all the things I wanted and prayed for, I NOW HAVE IT ALL, PLUS A LOT EXTRA. I am now in my two bedrooms, two bathroom suite overlooking a lake with a view of the fountain, clubhouse, gym and pool with ducks and turtles. It is nice because every night from every room I have a perfect view of the beautiful Florida sunset. FINALLY, I have realized to chill and appreciate life as it’s thrown at me. JUST A TEST. Only the strong minded driven people will get what they want and need, LOOK how my life has turned out for the better. I am happier now being disabled then I ever was EVER in my life. I’m Alive with appreciation and understanding for life just by simply giving it up to God. My life was flipped upside down, and I have just realized that I am NOT IN CONTROL of my own life. Our mail was delivered today, on my birthday and WHO IS TO COMPLAIN NOW??? Life is what you make of it. I was dealt some shitty cards, but MIND OVER MATTER. Do u c? May 18th and my three wishes have now come true while I am now at Reflections. I respect nature for a healthy tomorrow. We throw no food away. We have a container in the refrigerator for our scraps to feed to the turtles and ducks which is also labeled Turtle and Duck food. Sometimes I will accidently open that container. Here is a little note just to insert later explaining the Aftermath. Back in New Jersey, I had nothing, nowhere and nobody. Today, In Gods Timing, I woke up in my bedroom, went to my spare bedroom and turned on my notebook computer put together by a soldier of the Air Force, MY Uncle Dave to be in the near future.. People need to realize by what you just read, that you don't always get what you want, but you get what you need, AND DESERVE. When you find JESUS and leave it all in his hands, he will see to it that In His Timing the impossible, what was unimaginable and so very way out in left field has now fallen in your lap with many other blessings that God has tested you and given to you to see how you will handle it when the balls in your court. I'M IN THE BOOK GOD June 16th and today I received a letter from Section 8 Housing Manager in regards to me being approved for Section 8 living. I am very, very, very happy that I am a bull and with my horns down I WAS RUNNING balls to the wall to find a better place to call home here in Florida. I got another letter from my lawyer stating that on December 27th he mailed me a letter stating that the PIP has exhausted. I am trying to be all organized and shit, but no matter what, I can’t seem to quite get it down. June 27th and I now have in my hand a letter from U.S. Department of Justice saying how they are now going to refer me to another department that will be able to help me with my housing discrimination act. July 3rd and we used the 13th computer to check the status of our letter to OPRAH. It weighed 13 ounces and Walter told me to write this . . . and the reason why he says is how everything happens in threes. YANKEES won versus Boston in the thirteenth inning #1, the only computer that was open was number 13 and the third was how our package to OPRAH weighed 13 ounces. Beginning of July and I am writing a personal letter to the great hearted DR. McCAGG and she will get a very heart filled card that I am currently in the process of getting organized. May 20th 2008 and we just got a certificate package stating the poem of Kim’s that I entered into some contest made it in the finals. Again, she said no and I heard know. Do you see by the results of the good vibes and feelings on how I decided to enter it into a contest and when she said no, I KNEW it would be all good. See to me in my head I tattoo how nobody has control without Gods direction. IT’S FREE Praise Jesus Christ. With that Positive message, Kim and I have been called bible thumpers. Why? I wondered. I just stopped whoever was talking about negative energy and flipped it to where people were now smiling and agreeing with what I was saying. Meanwhile when she got home with a Hugh KOOL-AID smile and I asked how work was today? She showed me a fifty dollar bill and she gave me a hug saying. “Walter, you were right. Be Positive and think chipper type shit. So now Walter, I will try my hardest to think Positive. I promise.” August 7th at five at night and I called this place called Think First and get the low down and they said that after renovations I probably will be a VIP (voices in prevention) With this opportunity to talk is an example of how my prayers have been answered. This is exactly what I have been striving for. My voice needs to be heard by the little ones. November 13th 2008 WOW!! ! Today is 37 months Kimberly and I have been an item STUCK LIKE GLUE. It’s Funny how now EVERTHING to me I REMIX to have numbers involved so I can truly understand. To you it may be really, really, weird, buy to me IT’S LOGICAL. I have gotten PRK(photo refractive keratomy) to my eyes, every tooth I am trying to save, and THE THIRD is a no surgery, no drug 100 % ALL NATURAL NON NARCHOTIC fix to pain from the jaw, to the toes. AND JERSEY SAID WALTER YOU NEED DRUGS OR SURGEORY. It’s called SPINAL DECOMPRESSON. I am buddy with the Dr. D. November 24th 2008 and I am going to volunteer my services at Catholic Charities in The Pantry Room. My Buddy Greg there says it’s going to be slammed and he could really use a hand. I am hooked like drugs, and there if I am needed to assist in helping others and bringing smiles to all the faces. So, off I go. Lord Please be with me for I am with you. November 25th 2008 I want to go to work again, BUT, I believe now is the time to go to Valencia to register and go get my Associates to start my goal in getting my Masters Degree. I am not physic or psycho but I get these visions and to me, I NEED to follow through with my thoughts and never leave anything incomplete. I just got back. I Left at 10 a.m. and now I’m home at 7:30 p.m. I DID IT. I spoke with financial services and admissions. I even took a Math entry placement exam. WOW! Work and school Full time again, I WAS CHOSEN. I need to be a positive individual for non believers and negative voices, to stop, listen, think, and balls to the wall; IT WILL BE yours and get done. I start college in January 2009. Look how my life has flipped. Remember when reading this, IT WILL BE FINE ALL IN GODS TIMING. Finally, as excited and amped as I am, you ask, “What’s Walter going to do?” Back in the day it would’ve been go party and wile out on my mission to getting all fucked up. BUT now, relax, let all these Positive vibes settle and enjoy it Walter. Honestly, I am going to go to High Tide Harrys, get a drink and a appetizer and then walk for a hot minute back to Catholic Charities to lend a hand and see to it that people have food in their bellies for this joy us Thanksgiving. I am talking with MADD, working and going to school Full time and, WOW, I just need new student orientation and then I pick a day to start. May Peace be with you. NOVEMBER 27, 2008. WOW 4 years HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL. EAT AND ENJOY PLEASE Again from the Bottom of my heart and soul, I THANK YOU TRUELY, WALTER MORYAN TRUST ME, I GOT PLENTY MORE. IT GETS BETTER AND MUCH WORSE. UP IN JERSEY AFTER TWO AND A HALF YEARS WAITING FOR MY SOCIAL SECURITY, I ASKED KIM IF SHE TRULY LOVES ME AND ASKED IF SHE WANTED TO MOVE TO FLORIDA AND START A LIFE TOGETHER AS ONE EVENTUALLY MAYBE HAVING A MINIATURE US, SHE SAID YES, AND HERE WE ARE BOTH MAKING OUR DREAMS COME TRUE ON A DAILY BASIS. I DON’T SUGAR COAT SHIT. IT’S 100% TRUE